New words enter Oxford English Dictionary, including the verb "sheen"

Funny story written by Steddyeddy

Thursday, 31 March 2011

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man with no other books reads new OED

The Oxford English Dictionary has announced a new raft of words that have become acceptable for use in every day speech.

Demonstrating his ability to use words himself, dictionary editor Professor Pip Datpost said he was "excited, ecstatic, delighted and crucial innit" to announce the words.

A selection of the new words include:

* sheen (v) - to drug a patient up to the eyeballs prior to an operation, (qv) - "Right nurse, let's get Mr Jones sheened and down to surgery".

* wiv - (preposition) (qv) "Is Ricky coming wiv you?"

* free - a cardinal number, (qv) "One, two, free"

* numptie - (n) - a girl between 15 and 23, caked in make-up, jeans tucked into her Ugg boots and continually glued to her Blackberry 24 hours a day.

* clegg - (adj) a state of being, denoting confusion and indecision, (qv) "This movie is hard going - it's really making me a bit clegg"

* beckhamed - (adv) - to be covered in ignorant tattoes - (qv) "look at that dipstick, he's been totally beckhamed."

* cowell - (n) someone who has made a lot of money from doing relatively little - (qv) "That bloody chief executive of Barclays Bank. What a cowell."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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