Larry King Remembers Elizabeth Taylor, Not Much Else

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Thursday, 31 March 2011


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Liz Taylor with 11th husband, Tim Burton.

Former talk-show host Larry King joined Elizabeth Hasselback and her other yenta-y co-conspirators on The View to remember his very, very dear friend, Elizabeth Taylor.

"Even in her later years, Liz was remarkably beautiful," said the 114-year-old television relic. "I am air-quoting the HELL out of this sentence."

Dame Elizabeth Rosemond Taylor, who won Academy Awards for her roles in 'BUtterfield 8' and the Ambien of modern moviemaking, 'Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?' dies last week at age 78.

"She was so famous so early as a child actress, and even later as a penguin who lives on the moon," said King, who clearly looked as if he did not know where we was. "My socks used to match, but now I use them to store pickles."

"I have to ask this," asked co-host Whoopi Goldberg, who started off the show by revealing her new 'Die, Penis-Bearer' line of lumberjack-style clothes for plus-size women. "Did you ever have a carnal relationship with Liz?"

"No, no," he replied. "I look terrible naked. Like man-jerky, all bulb-and-pipe-cleaner limbs and stuff. "OK, I have to go, my planet needs me. Count Chocula turns my spit brown. What time are grapes?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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