Written by anthonyrosania

Thursday, 31 March 2011

image for Sixth in a Series - H&R Block's Charman Richard Breeden To Get The F--k Out of Dodge

The single most dysfunctional U.S. tax preparer, H&R Block, has had it's executive-launching revolving doors spun open yet again: Hedge fund investor Richard Breeden will step down as its chairman and director at the end of the 2011 tax season.

"This place is absolutely f--king nuts," said Breeden, who owns nearly 5 percent of the company (worth $184.50), began piloting the corporate Titanic in November 2007, nearly 2 years more than anyone expected. "I leave this job every night and drive home with a gun under my chin."

H&R Block posted its first increase since the Carter administration in the number of tax returns filed at its stores in 2011, largely by giving their product away from free, reversing 15 years of declines as it lost market share amidst competition like Liberty Tax and Bob and Vicki's Italian Deli And Tax Preparers.

"I feel truly confident in saying 'I will never be seen within 100 yards of these offices, or any one of it's stores'. This company sapped me of my will to live."

The company said Breeden Capital would still remain a major shareholder.

"I have to! Who's going to buy this stock from me?" Breeden asked, while jamming all of the snack food he hides in his office into his gaping yaw. "It's not worth wiping your ass on."

Breeden will be replaced with Steve the Janitor, who is now the longest-tenured Block employee.

Shares of the Kansas City, Missouri-based company closed at $15.89 on Thursday on the New York Stock Exchange

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: HR block

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