Up The Buses! - Part Five
Act 3: Scene 2 Interior:Stan's House. Stan, Mum and Olive are hurriedly stashing things in cupboards and draping the furniture in bedsheets. There is a whiff of panic in the air: FX - An impatient yet lengthy knocking at the door. BLAKEY: (Faintly - from outside the front door, and through the letterbox) Come on Butler! Open up! I know you're in there! Open this blinkin' door! STAN: Oh...
Read full storyLindsay "LaLaLand" Lohan Back In The Arms of Her Boyfriend, Samantha Ronson
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Lindsay Lohan, the little lost girl who has most definitely lost her way, does not appear to be anywhere close to finding it. The troubled starlet who has had more ups and downs than a day care pogo stick was seen dancing the nigh...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Denies He Has Sexual Fantasies About Heidi Montag
LOS ANGELES - Justin Bieber, the teen idol, took his mom out to a local IHOP and confided to her that he has finally accepted the fact that he did not win the coveted Best New Artist Award at the recent Grammy Awards. He shook his head and almost...
Read full storyRiots in the Middle East
Throughout the Middle East, people are beginning to riot to protest against the dictatorships which are endemic in the region. In Libya, Bahrain, and Yemen, there are large public demonstrations against their oppressive rulers. These have been largel...
Read full storyEverything Actually Goes Pretty Smoothly In Egypt
CARIO - After a near-bloodless coup, everything actually goes well. There was actually a fall of government, and very few got hurt. Fancy that? Wait, what? There's an actual rewritten constitution? This is one of those Spoof things ain't it? Inhopeless Media Group is a respectable news outlet. What? You're kidding right? NO WAY! So... you mean? Actually? Well, apparently the leader has ac...
Read full storyDisruptive Pupils to Take Charge of Classes in BigSoc
BIRMINGHAM - In the face of Cameron's cultural directive, Big Society, a group of pupils at a local secondary school have taken charge of thier class. Big Society is allowing volunteers to run certain things that local councils or the government w...
Read full storyDavid Cameron Found to Have Failed Secondary School Mathematics
LONDON - After David Cameron strongly reinforced his BigSoc idea, while in the face of severe cuts, has caused many commentators to say that the people will 'do less with even less', prompting a dig around by this reporter at Cameron's secondary scho...
Read full storyCongress Votes To Continue Military Support for NASCAR As Long as One Driver is Gay and Drives a Chevy Volt
Good news and bad news today as Congress voted to keep military funding in place to sponsor US Army ads on NASCAR Sprint Cup driver Ryan Newman's car. The Bad News? Nancy Pelosi amendment requires NASCAR to find a gay driver for a Government Motor's...
Read full storyT'Northern Lights
Flare are back - Due to t'solar flare today t'Northern Leets are visible as far South as Royston. T'Northern leets are due to t'emissions of photons in the t'Earth's upper atmosphere, above 80 km (50 miles), from t'ionized nitrogen atoms regaining...
Read full storyProctologist Claims To Have Rebored First Human Bunghole
Harvard trained protologist, Dr. Thaddeus Colonato, today reported that he successfully enlarged the business end of a patient's alimentary canal from a substandard 10 guage opening to something that would allow a 12 gauge turd to pass without micro...
Read full storyWatson Dominates 'Jeopardy', Now It's Missing
Watson, the brilliant IBM supercomputer, may need a refresher course on United States geography although he beat the humans badly on Day 2. Now he is reported as missing. In its big battle against two human champions on the Tuesday episode of "Jeo...
Read full storyAnger At Queen Pub Sign
There has been a strong reaction over a pub sign which depicts the Queen with a tattoo on her arm. The sign has been hanging outside the Queens Arms pub in Acomb, just outside Hexham, since the pub was refurbished. "Most distasteful and inappro...
Read full storyDel Boy and Rodney Fined For Fraud Over Lapland Theme Park
Del Boy and Rodney have been fined for fraudulently running a "Lapland" Christmas Theme Park in Dorset. The wide boys tricked the punters into believing that they would be going into the Winter Wonderland of Lapland; they falsely claimed that the...
Read full storyKristen Stewart: I'm Finally Over Depression
If there's one lady in Hollywood who should not be depressed it's Kristen Stewart, right? She has several good movies behind her, more on the way, plenty of fans and the guy most teens would love to have by their side. However, yesterday Srewart...
Read full storyRyan Giggs To Sign Up For Discovery Channel's Deadliest Catch?
As it emerged today, veteran Manchester United football star, Ryan Giggs has signed yet another one year extension to his contract, but many people are wondering what he will do after he decides to draw the curtain on his distinguished football caree...
Read full storyMel Gibson and Charlie Sheen Found Drunk and Naked Howling at the Moon
Malibu, CA - Troubled Hollywood Jack-of-all-trades, Mel Gibson and just as troubled actor, Charlie Sheen were found near Gibson's Malibu home Thursday night crouched on all fours and howling loudly at the moon. Neighbors heard a commotion and, th...
Read full storyPower Drill Voted UK's Most Popular DIY Tool
In a survey conducted exclusively for 'Toolshed Magazine' to find Britain's most popular DIY tool, the power drill emerged victorious for the tenth year running. It seems that the British are conducting a lasting love affair with power drills, mor...
Read full storyLapland brothers guilty of accurate depiction of misery of Christmas
Brothers Henry and Victor Mears have been found guilty of eight charges of using their Lapland style theme park to create an accurate depiction of just how disappointing Christmas really can be. The two men, who set up the theme park in the New Fo...
Read full storyPessimism to be come 'cause of death' - NHS
Patients who display pessimism in the ability of the NHS to make them better often leads to a self fulfilling prophecy containing an untimely passing that is totally and utterly of the patients own making, according to researchers. The research sh...
Read full storyBilly Ray: Miley is Getting a Little too Big for her Britches...Bra!
Singer Billy Ray Cyrus says that his famous daughter, Miley Cyrus, is getting a little too big for her britches and shorts and bras according to a Nashville Panner Sunday Edition that will be out this Sunday..but you never know. Editor Gomer Legg...
Read full storyTeens Getting Aids at "Vampire Parties" Say Doctors
The latest thing may be teens having a "Vampire Party" with no parents around and a house in the dark to welcome them. It also may be the source of the new outbreak of cases of aids or HIV positive visits to their doctors. The 'Parties' are usuall...
Read full storyJustin Bieber A Little Tipsy After Grammy Night
A new report out of Hollywood is claiming that singer Justin Bieber may have been a little tipsy when he came out at three AM after losing the Grammy Award. "I won't say anything bad about my hero...our hero", stated one of the fans who was one of...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Angrily Denies That Her and Boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal Were Out Shopping For A Baby Stroller
NASHVILLE - The roller coaster romance between the "Sweetheart of Country Music" Taylor Swift and the man who starred in Brokeback Mountain Jake Gyllenhaal seems to be rolling right along. The two have certainly had their ups and downs but nothing...
Read full storyIsle of Wight - New Discoveries
After many years of uncertainty it has now been established that the Isle of Wight is, in fact, the Isles of Wight. Intrepid sailors braving gales off Cows (named after some strange hopping animals seen in the vicinity), were blasted up a river an...
Read full storyBeans Means Fiennes
One of Britain's greatest living characters, Sir Ranulph Fiennes is to be honoured forever with an eight feet statue made entirely out of baked beans! The masterpiece will stand in the Adventurers home city of Glasgow and will take over a week to...
Read full storyIs Jake Ormerod's birth father 'a member of the Cabinet'?
Torquay - (Reuterus): Devon police are having none of it, yet: "Just the usual conspiracy rubbish," is how one investigation source put it. But an under-the-radar online rumor has queried if 19 year-old child sex ring suspect Jake Ormerod's DNA...
Read full storyMy night in London
It all started so well, until my friend rang me up while I was on the train going down and told me that I could no longer sleep on his sofa. He would still meet me for drinks, but his girlfriend had put her foot down. Apparently, the last person who had spent the night on his sofa was still there two weeks later. The internet on a phone is a marvellous invention, and by the time I reached Eusto...
Read full storyWhale activist boat rammed by whale pod sinks
A whaling activist group has been dealt a heavy blow after a pod of whales rammed their boat 'Drew Carey' in South American seas this afternoon. The boat sank immediately with the loss of all hands on board. The Drew Carey had been tailing the Ja...
Read full storyOrange Unveil New Orange Face
Orange, one of the big 5 the mobile phone providers have announced their new advertising 'face': Dale Winton. Not to be outdone, Easy Jet have called in David Dickinson to front their orange faced celebrity campaign. "We'll be having the strap...
Read full storyNASA 'Space Parasol 'testing to commence on 29th April.
NASA say the 'Space Parasol' now positioned seven million miles above the world between Sun and Earth and designed to shield the planet from increasingly harmful solar flares will soon be ready for testing. Current plans are to begin the testing...
Read full storyAirline Travelers Question Obama's "No Felon Left Behind" Mandate as TSA Workers Steal Thousands at Airports!
Hundreds of abused airline travelers questioned Obama's policy of hiring uneducated, and criminally intentioned TSA employees under his recent "2nd Chance to Succeed" policy inspired by NFL Dog Killer and convicted Felon Michael Vick. Vick, who...
Read full storyGrammy Reporter Explains Speech Problem During Live Telecast
KCBS TV reporter Serene Branson, whose talk lapsed into gibberish during a live shot outside the Grammys Sunday night, stated yesterday that she knew something was wrong at the time but she kept trying hard to vocalize her report but the words all ca...
Read full storyMiddle East turmoil spreads to Trafalgar Square as 19 questioned over stabbings
London - (End of Days): Violence tracing the January 4 solar eclipse's shadow path erupted in London yesterday afternoon. Police said they fear recent tumultuous unrest in the Middle East has spread to London following a knife fight in Trafalgar S...
Read full storyFairy bikers the new scourge
Australia - In a surprise move, the newly outlawed motorcycle club 'The Fairies' have taken over the turf of Western Australian clubs the 'Coffin Cheaters' and the 'Finks'. The Fairies president confirmed the bold move saying they had simply take...
Read full storyCharles and William seduced by Nolan Sisters 'When You Are A King' ringtone
London - (Pretender Bender): "We thought long and hard how to dupe these bastards," the head of the Royal Protection Racket policing admitted today. "Then someone came up with the novelty ringtone idea after seeing the Nolans on a Morcambe & W...
Read full storyIsle Of Wight Braced For Marches After Middle East Outbreaks
Authorities in Cowes, Ryde and Newport have alerted security services to be ready for of an outbreak of Middle East-style demonstrations. They fear that recent outbreaks of people power in Tunisia, Egypt and elsewhere may soon be repeated on the i...
Read full storyParis Still Has Pulling Power
Birthday Girl Paris Hilton wowed fans at her 30th Birthday bash wearing a wonderful low cut dress to show all her fans she's still got what it takes. Paris, who's famous for doing absolutely nothing of any importance smiled and waved at photographers...
Read full storyAustralia to mandate conformity
After years of government advertising showing the risks of excess drinking and smoking, Australians are now being told to live it up, get drunk and get laid. On the morning TV show, prime minister Julia Gillard encouraged Australians both young and o...
Read full storyBrown recants
'Lord' Mandleson's office has announced that its old client Gordon Brown is to make a speech in the House of Commons admitting that most of his policies as Chancellor and Prime Minister were wrong. Westminster gossip has it that he is looking for...
Read full storyFury Over Tory Councillor's Links
The Conservative Party has been rocked by allegations over a Gloucester councillor and former mayor's private life. A report in a major national newspaper today will claim that Brian Bickersthwaite, a councillor in Tewkesbury is also a fully paid...
Read full storyOrifice
A routine, whether an addition or not, is a regular course of action. Of course, some people believe a routine requires discipline. I have my own routine addiction. After entering home, I obsessively place the house keys in a particular bowl. After dark, I routinely put a padlock on the gate of our walled house. As a precaution, I padlock the grilled basement door, and before going to bed, I...
Read full storyBrooklyn Decker Shocked Jennifer Aniston By Telling Her - "Hey Cougar Keep Your Philandering Paws Off My Hubby!"
LOS ANGELES - Brooklyn Decker is one of the most gorgeous women to ever model a swimsuit. She appeared on the cover of last year's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Decker has also graced the covers of The Victoria's Secret Swimsuit Edition, The...
Read full storyExport Licences Under Review
The Foreign Office is to carry out an urgent review of export licences after allegations that some jokes and other comedy material devised and created in the U.K. may have been used in some of the most appalling U.S. comedy shows. An unnamed sourc...
Read full storyLady Gaga Is Still Extremely Outraged At Bill O'Reilly's Comments
TULSA - Lady Gaga was backstage at The Sooner or Later Arena after just having performed a three hour show in front of a sold out crowd of 21,003. She was eating an Oklahoma Barbecue Burger and drinking it down with a pitcher of Pabst's Blue Ribbo...
Read full storyRicky Gervais Is Asked To Be A Member of This Year's 'Dancing With The Stars'
HOLLYWOOD - It is official, English comedian Ricky Gervais, who was a big hit at the recent Golden Globes Award Show, has been asked to be a contestant on the upcoming edition of Dancing With The Stars. Bernadette Penderlicki, the show's executive...
Read full storyGlasgow Film Festival
The 2011 Glasgow Film Festival opens today and pundits are keenly awaiting the latest batch of cinematic product from some of Scotland's finest young film makers. With over 200 films being shown over the next week, there will be ample opportunity,...
Read full storyBahrain Update
The U.S. Government has urged the authorities in Bahrain to show restraint when dealing with protesters during the current period of unrest, and also to start the process of meaningful reform. A number of demonstrators were killed or injured in th...
Read full storyBrian McFadden Has a Mile-High Paddy
SYDNEY: Faded singer and part-time talent judge Brian McFadden is incensed at not being charged over a carefully planned incident on an international flight. McFadden, also known as a constant handbag to Aussie singer Delta Goodrum,is a judge on A...
Read full storyCouncil Proud of Recycling Excesses
A survey commissioned by the Taxpayers Alliance has revealed major variations in the amount of recycling councils are undertaking in the U.K. While the survey indicates that the average number of containers councils ask their residents to sort the...
Read full storyWild Killer Poodles linked to Ancient Aliens
Scientists supporting the Ancient Alien theory have come to the conclusion that the wild poodles that once roamed the earth killing everything in their path were brought here by aliens from other planets. "It's the only explanation that makes s...
Read full storyIBM Computer Watson Turns into a Bully after "Jeopardy" Win
Watson may be a genius, but even geniuses don't always know how to behave. Reports are that Watson, after besting two champions on the game show "Jeopardy," turned out to be an obnoxious bully at the celebratory party after the match. Not...
Read full storyBigfoot Activity Heightened During Solar Flare Event
Mt. Clemens, MICHIGAN - The city of Mt. Clemens, Michigan is once again in the news for Bigfoot sightings as it seems that several citizens have phoned the local police station claiming to have witnessed what they believe are large, hairy ape-lik...
Read full storyPeople Avoid TSA Scans and Pat Downs by Using FedEx, Save Money on Flights
In the rush to avoid the intrusiveness of both the TSA scanners and pat downs at airports, people have begun to use overnight FedEx to send themselves, their families and their luggage to their destinations. By using FedEx's newly promoted 250 pou...
Read full storyDon't be a Slug, Give Your Bedbug a Hug; Is New York City's New Tourist Slogan
New York City has turned what was once a negative, a bedbug infestation, into a tourist boom by promoting their non-removable residents with a new slogan: Don't be a Slug, Give Your Bedbug a Hug. Thus far, the promotion has been a major success as...
Read full storyA Lesson In Becoming Old
It's not everyday you wake up and you are told you're old. Well OK, maybe it is, but only if you listen, and I'm told that one of the only benefits of growing old is selective hearing. Well, that and standing on street corners and yelling at youngsters about how 'they don't know they're born' and 'pull your trousers up' (in a purely fashion-oriented sense, not in a peadophilic way!) I jus...
Read full storyOctoMom Says She's Sick of the Eight Brats
Nadya Suleman, better known as the OctoMom, says she's sick of her life right now. "It was fine for the first six or seven months with all the publicity and everything but I'm steadily losing my mind", she told the National Demographic. The Dem...
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