Written by Deafo

Friday, 18 February 2011

image for Lapland brothers guilty of accurate depiction of misery of Christmas

Brothers Henry and Victor Mears have been found guilty of eight charges of using their Lapland style theme park to create an accurate depiction of just how disappointing Christmas really can be.

The two men, who set up the theme park in the New Forest for its close resemblance to a place too boring to ever wish to visit, claimed their facilities were in line with the empty feeling that accompanies each and every inappropriate gift received from people who were obviously just pretending to like you.

The pair released a statement disputing the courts findings and said they intended to continue their brand of seasonal exploitation in a way not too dissimilar from the Catholic Church.

'Its not our problem that we created such an accurate representation of Christmas that caused such distress, if anything we just clarified what people already knew - that Christmas is the most over-rated thing prior to the existence of Lady Gaga.'

'This is not the end for us, just as it's not the end of seasonal rip offs. We will take stock, re-brand and come back worse than ever next year just to re-emphasise our point.'

'If the Catholic Chruch can get away with offering a hideously boring mass on Christmas day about the birth of some bloke that cannot be killed, then surely a mock up of a couple of reindeers and a bit of polystyrene snow constitutes a good day out.'

Catholic Church official Brendan Blend welcomed the courts findings but was interested to know what had happened to the fake reindeers and polystyrene snow.

'The courts have upheld the sanctity of Christmas and the memory of the man Christ.'

'That's not to say we couldn't find a commercial use for those reindeers.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Christmas

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