Justin Bieber Denies He Has Sexual Fantasies About Heidi Montag

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 18 February 2011


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image for Justin Bieber Denies He Has Sexual Fantasies About Heidi Montag
A photo of Justin Bieber at the age of 8, who was upset with his mom for making him take tuba lessons.

LOS ANGELES - Justin Bieber, the teen idol, took his mom out to a local IHOP and confided to her that he has finally accepted the fact that he did not win the coveted Best New Artist Award at the recent Grammy Awards.

He shook his head and almost got a few stands of his hair in his order of Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity pancake breakfast meal.

His mom told him to be careful because she thought she saw one of his hairs end up in his cup of hot cocoa.

Justin told his mom that the thing that really bothered him about losing the Best New Artist Award was the fact that he lost out to a new performer who hardly anyone has ever heard of.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Bieber was beaten by Esperanza Spalding of Oregon. And while it may be true that hardly anyone has heard of her the young artist with the stand-up bass is pretty darn good. In fact she is already the favorite performer of Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Kathy "The Red Cougar" Griffin, Brett Favre, and three of Kate Gosselin's eight children.]

Bieber then whispered to his mother that he had pretty much gotten over that very hurtful defeat. But he added that what has really hurt him more than even losing out to Esmeralda Spackling (sic) are the rumors which started in Connecticut that he has sexual fantasies about Heidi Montag.

Pattie Lynn Mallette, Justin's mom was shocked.

"Justy you mean to tell me that you sexually fantasize about being with Heidi Montag?"

"No mom, golly gee whiz didn't you hear me say that they're just rumors."

Justin went on to say that he really and truly feels that he is much too young to be having any sexual fantasies about any females including real pretty ones like Brooklyn Decker, Keira Knightley, and Audra Patridge.

His mom pointed out "Justy, son you have got to stop fantasizing about these gorgeous women. Maybe when you first start having those thoughts of a perverted nature you should take out your wallet and look at the photo we had taken two years ago of you sitting on my shoulders while I am standing on the very top of Mt. Everest."

Mel Gibson has reportedly asked Pattie Lynn out three different times. But she has told him that she will not go out with him because she does not like to hear a man yelling, screaming, and hollering like he's the crazy male version of Naomi Campbell.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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