Bahrain Update

Funny story written by grimbo

Friday, 18 February 2011

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The U.S. Government has urged the authorities in Bahrain to show restraint when dealing with protesters during the current period of unrest, and also to start the process of meaningful reform.

A number of demonstrators were killed or injured in the capital Manama on Thursday and more protests are scheduled for today, increasing fears of further bloodshed.

The Bahraini foreign minister Sheikh Khaled bin Ahmed Al Khalifa has responded by admitting that "while excessive force may have been used by some of our troops earlier this week, we have no desire to exacerbate the situation.

As a result, I have instructed General Ali Al-Haifa, the head of our internal security service, to ensure that all protestors henceforth are treated with respect and the maximum care and attention.

Any persons beaten violently about the head will be transported directly to Manama International Hospital and have their wounds treated no later than Wednesday week by one of our finest trainee doctors.

Any persons directly in the path of our army's glorious tanks will be given a minimum of 2 warnings to move before they are mercilessly crushed underfoot.

Furthermore, any protesters who do not swear allegiance to our ruler when so instructed will immediately be arrested for treason. this will apply to all our citizens whether they are adults, children or indeed babies.

We also acknowledge the need to address the clamour for meaningful reform in our land so today our glorious ruler Sheikh Hamad has decreed that free elections will take place by the end of 2011. The vote will be open to anyone with a personal annual income of no less than 2 million U.S. petro dollars (net).

I am confident that such concessions will be welcomed by our many supporters in the West".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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