Lowton to Restaff The Spoof with Humanoid Satirists
LANCASTER, England - In the future, most satirists at The Spoof will be out of work, replaced by robots, according to the latest projections. From ATM's to automated gas pumps to self-service checkout lanes at major retailers, service jobs are al...
Read full storyThe Miley Cyrus - Madonna Feud Intensifies!
LOS ANGELES - The gloves have come off and it is now a fight between the old and the new. Miley does not appreciate the fact that Madonna has stated that she is too young to be singing a song like "Can't Be Tamed." Madonna is 51, and Miley is 17.
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Saved From The Gutter By Her New "CougarGal"
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Well it appears that Lindsay Lohan, the freckle faced little girl who lost her way (dozens of times) may finally have found the road to survival. Yes Lindsay Lohan, aka "Freckle Face," has just announced that she has found a brand...
Read full storyCouple Who Crashed White House Party Sue Toyota!
Michaele and Tareq Salahi, who slipped into the White House state dinner party earlier this year, are back in the news after they say that their 14 year old son, Diseal, went to sleep in the back seat of their Toyota Camry and then sleepwalked out th...
Read full storyNow 43, Justin Bieber Reflects on Life & Career
Rolling Stone, April 24, 2037 -- The spring air was crisp, but pleasant outside of Justin Bieber's unlikely summer home located out on the swamps of Louisiana. "I enjoy this time of year," the Stratford, Ontario, native says, "because the weather...
Read full story"Rocking Reform School, The Rubber Room" To Star Vanessa Hudgens, Zac Efron, Miley Cyrus, Ashley Tisdale
This much talked about not-so-new movie may outdraw even Twilight this fall whenever the word gets out. The movie has somehow been kept quiet until now because of some lawsuits and is unrated, but a sneak preview left some male viewers with drool...
Read full storyWenlock and Mandeville cheap mascots that mean nothing to nobody
Apparently, Wenlock is the birthplace of the modern Olympic Games. Much Wenlock to be precise, a town in Shropshire in England. Hence, the 2012 London Olympic mascots have been named as Wenlock and Mandeville. Anyone thinking that Peter, Lord M...
Read full storyCalifornia Ups the Ante With Arizona in Boycott Wars
In response to Arizona's threat to cut off electricity to California generated in Arizona's power plants, California today threatened to scramble the TV signal of Seinfeld, Law and Order and Bonanza. The city councils of Los Angles and San Franci...
Read full storyExtremists plan to build Mosque near 9/11 Ground Zero site, well after all NY is the epicentre of "global lunacy" so why not?
Multi-culti tolerant US and especially New York are in a desperate turmoil because extremists want to build a Mosque next door to the 9/11 Ground Zero site. This is causing much disbelief among New Yorkers who feel that the site chosen for the Mo...
Read full storyTar Balls In Florida Not Linked To Gulf Oil Spill
The US Coast Guard has declared that the tar balls being discovered in Florida are not from the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, according to their study. "We have seen more than fifty cases in here", stated one doctor from St. Petersburg. "Th...
Read full storyBP Annouces Acquisition of Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.
BP oil announced today that it has acquired the Bubba Gump Shrimp Corporation hoping to capitalize on the abundance of dying seafood in the Gulf and reduce their total liability from frivolous law suits. In a few short weeks, they will announce the f...
Read full storyCarmella Bing to act as Tomb Raider
The very "healthy" and agile porn star, Carmella Bing is all set to portray the image of the ever adventurous, and sexy Lara Croft. The news comes in after our very own AJ felt too old for the role. Considering she (AJ) has been travelling al...
Read full storyAl Qaeda planned to blow up the World Cup!
Al Qaeda are planning to blow up the World Cup, but one of their terrorists decided to "move the goalposts" and now they've decided to blow up Wimbledon instead, damn Cads! The supposed reason for this proposed attack was that the Danish and Dutch...
Read full storySigfried and Roy Accept Offer to Tame Tiger's Tigresses for Charity
Vegas - The amazing talents of Sigfried and Roy will once again be witnessed by thousands as they return to the Mirage Casino in Las Vegas for yet another single performance for charity. This time is different, however. This time, they will be attemp...
Read full storyAmerican Idol: Lee DeWyze Jumps Ahead of Crystal Bowersox
HOLLYWOOD - America Idol is down to a tiro of performers. Lee DeWyze, the pleasant singer from Mr. Pleasant, Illinois, has certainly jumped out in front of the odds on favorite Crystal Bowersox and the third place dweller Casey James. Lee, who is...
Read full storyTaxpayer expense: Re-elected Labour MP Eric Illsley charged over charges, especially those for young male 'escorts', political advisors and other whores
A Labour MP who was only returned to the Commons in the general election earlier this month is to face prosecution over his Parliamentary expenses, made at taxpayer expense. Eric Illsley faces three charges under the Theft Act on suspicion of dis...
Read full storyMichael Moore named as Fitness Czar
In an effort to help get average Americans interested in exercise, the Obama Administration has named documentary filmmaker Michael Moore as the Presidential Fitness Czar. Long known for his highly accurate documentaries concerning everythin...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars: Cincinnati Bengals Receiver Chad Ochocinco Sent To The Showers
HOLLYWOOD - And then on Dancing With The Stars there were tres (three) as Cincinnati Bengals receiver Chad Ochocinco (85) was eliminated and sent to the showers. Chad said that he really enjoyed being partnered with Cheryl Burke and pointed out th...
Read full storyA Study On The Military Tactics Of Tweetle Beetles
In 1965, Dr. Theodore "Seuss" Geisel published his war study, Fox in Socks. The final 20% of the book discusses tactics and strategy employed by Tweetle Beetles in battle conditions. One sentence reads, "When beetles fight their battles in a bo...
Read full storyA 5.1 Magnitude Earthquake Hits Southern California - Early Reports Are That Gabourney Sidibe Was In The Area
EL CENTRO, California - The California-Mexico border was rumbled with an earthquake measuring 5.1 on the Richter Scale. The daytime dispatcher for the El Centro Police Department, Orion Orville Fragglefaust, Jr., said that there were reports of so...
Read full storyVolcano To Be Capped By Icelandic Experts
Ash from the injured Eyjafjallajoekull volcano in Iceland will no longer be a threat to air traffic after next week, as experts prepare to 'cap' the troublesome beast, and to silence it for evermore. The volcano has been spewing putrid black ash a...
Read full storyBush family fears hurricane season will redistribute BP Gulf of Mexico crude assets
Crawford, Texarse - (Eye of the Storm): The surge of hot air and moist tailwinds is heading towards George W Bush's Predator Chapel Ranch. Tropical Storm Halle Burton supertwisters are gathering momentum and threatening to suck up millions of 's...
Read full storyIs South African athlete a geezer in a skirt?
The family of South African 800m runner Caster Semenya have reacted angrily to reports that women athletes may refuse to race against her. Some of the world's top women athletes could boycott the sport if Semenya is allowed to return to competitio...
Read full storyFrequent Business Traveler Claims Fully Body Scanners Made Him Glow
Atlanta, GA - Howard Shemple, a traveling salesman for a large biomedical supply firm, has logged roughly 200,000 miles already this year on his frequent flyer card. This means he can fly anywhere in the world he wants for free at least a couple time...
Read full storyDr. Phil Begs Oprah to Plug Oil Leak with Giant Tampon
Well known for speaking on live television about her problematic, "vajayjay," it is being reported that Oprah Winfrey is under heavy pressure by Dr. Phil to release what he believes could be a secret weapon in the effort to plug the massive oil leak...
Read full storyMen Across America Intimate with Miss Michigan
While the current Miss Michigan and now Miss USA title holder, Rima Fakih remains embroiled in controversy over her past photographic exploits, millions of men across America now reluctantly admit to having intimate relations with Miss Michigan.
Read full storyBritons Now Use the Internet More
A recent study by Opsos, the blindingly obvious survey company, has shown that today, Britons are using the internet more than at any point in history. "If we look at internet usage twenty years ago," said Opsos researcher, Quentin Aires, "we can...
Read full storyGoogle deny privacy concerns
After the amazement of Google Street View has died down, the tech-heads at the multinational super-organisation are already working on their next project, but deny that there will be any impact on privacy. With the world's streets already mapped,...
Read full storyBubble Up: BP Announces New Soft Drink!
In what some sources are calling an effort to "make lemonade out of lemons," BP Oil announced today its entry into the soft drink market. "Bubble Up is a drink for all America," said the spokesperson. "It is not only good to drink, but its health...
Read full storyJohn 'Underpants' Major tests DNA positive for Nick Cleggover paternity
London - (Thongs Can Only Get Wetter): A sordid Whitehole (sic) rumor mill says the ex-Prime Monster is Nick Cleggover's birth father. John 'Underpants' Major was famously blasted by Blair mouthpiece Alastair Campbell about 'tucking his shirt-tail...
Read full storyBeer Served in Grocery Bulk Foods Aisle
Oakland, CA. Saveway Corp., the third largest US grocery chain, announced today that they are adding beer taps along side the bulk containers of granola, mixed nuts, and gummy bears. Self serve taps, seen in pubs and taverns everywhere, will dispen...
Read full storySuBo fanatics stage coup!
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies were today attempting to stage a coup to overthrow the current ruling chief fanatic. The group, calling themselves the Batty Squad, are collecting donations for the cause. "We insist we're the right...
Read full storyMary could have had a Gay lamb! Strewth 1500 animal species on "outed" Gay list
New research suggests that animals can be gay too, which would defy Darwin's theory that the sexual impulses of animals are designed to cause reproduction and are therefore necessarily heterosexual. The research, conducted on an Albatross colony i...
Read full storyClients Worried About Goldman's Dueling Skills; Those With Highest Losses Demanding 'Time On the Mat' with Sachs's CEO
"Questions have been raised that go to the heart of this institution's most fundamental value: how we service our clients." - Lloyd C. Blanketyblank, Goldman Sachs's C.E.O., at the firm's annual meeting and finger-pointing, held this month at an undi...
Read full storyJustin Bieber to Star in Musical Re-make of Reefer Madness
Hollywood, CA - With the extreme popularity of the hit show Glee, everyone in Hollywood is scrambling to make musicals of all the great cult classics, but none are expected to cause as big a stir as the musical re-make of the 1936 cult exploitation f...
Read full storySpecter Loses Pennsylvania Senate Seat After Leaving It Unattended While In Toilet; 'Urine-Ur-Out', chanted Rendell support crowd in spontaneous demonstration outside Senate 'loo'
Senator Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania, who unwisely bolted the Senate floor for a quick trip to the loo today, may now forever lose his plush Senate seat to Rep. Joe Sestak, who apparently has better bladder control. Mr. Specter, 80, lost his 'di...
Read full storyCharlie Sheen Signs A Two and A Half Year Contract - The Show's Title To Be Changed To "Two and A Half Men and Lots and Lots of Bitches"
HOLLYWOOD - Reports out of Tinsel Town are saying that Charlie "Mr. Nads" Sheen has just signed a two and a half year contract to continue with his role as Charlie Harper on the hit sit-com Two and A Half Men. Sheen is reportedly being paid $1 mil...
Read full storyArizona Governor Jan "The Man" Brewer Apologizes To The President: Brobama Says "You're A Day Late and A Dollar Short!"
PHOENIX - Governor Jan Brewer sitting on the porch of her double wide trailer told the assembled media that she has been in close contact with President Obama for the past 24 hours. Brewer, who says that she hates the bumper stickers that someone...
Read full storyMadonna Says Miley Cyrus Is Too Young To Be Singing Songs Like "Can't Be Tamed"
DULUTH, Minnesota - Madonna had just finished performing to a sell-out crowd at The Frozen Fauna Auditorium (217 seats) in downtown Duluth when she was asked about the new Miley Cyrus song "Can't Be Tamed." Madonna, whose real name is Louise Cicco...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Ordered Back To Court
Lindsay Lohan who had been seen at the Cannes Film Festival last week may have to serve the rest of her sentence for an earlier charge and conviction on DUI charges from 2007. Apparently Lohan served most of the time going to rehab classes but th...
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