John 'Underpants' Major tests DNA positive for Nick Cleggover paternity

Written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 19 May 2010

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Is this what Campbell actually saw?

London - (Thongs Can Only Get Wetter): A sordid Whitehole (sic) rumor mill says the ex-Prime Monster is Nick Cleggover's birth father.

John 'Underpants' Major was famously blasted by Blair mouthpiece Alastair Campbell about 'tucking his shirt-tails into his Y-fronts'.

And although the former PM bitterly denied it UK redtops saw no other printable explanation for Major's peculiar 'nappy-bot' gait.

Special Branch cryptologists immediately decoded Campbell's statement and found traces of reptilian DNA masquerading as human genome.

"Another classic Hellfire Club cuckoo," UK National Poisons Unit's Prof V Smartt commented today.

"We reckon Major shagged Camilla Shag-Kydd just before her first 'official' marriage to Silver Dip-Stick-in-Waiting Andrew Porker Balls.

"La Reine ne va plus, as they say in the Downing Street casino."

Miriam Cleggover is 69.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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