HOLLYWOOD - America Idol is down to a tiro of performers. Lee DeWyze, the pleasant singer from Mr. Pleasant, Illinois, has certainly jumped out in front of the odds on favorite Crystal Bowersox and the third place dweller Casey James.
Lee, who is 23, won the audience and the judges over with his interesting rendition of Billy Joel's "The Star Spangled Banner."
DeWyze cleverly mixed Joel's lyrics with the original lyrics which were written by Francis Scott Key in 1814, 196 years ago.
Judge Simon Cowell asked if it was a true story. When told by Ryan Seacrest that it was he replied that it could most definitely be made into a movie, or at least an ABC afternoon special.
Kara DioGuardi said that she remembers seeing an old film, on the History Channel, of Francis Scott Key actually singing the song at a tea house in Boston and Lee's version was tons better, especially since he did not use an accordion.
Ellen DeGeneres, the gay judge, said that she wanted to point out that neither Francis Scott Key nor Billy Joel were gay, and that the rumor about Kelly McGillis, Jodie Foster, and Mary Cheney being gay are in fact true. Ellen then said that especially in Cheney's case.
Ellen laughed and said that she can just imagine the conversation at the Cheney Thanksgiving table.
She can picture the former Vice-President Dick "Dickless" Cheney saying something like "Well, so Donnie, Georgie, and I totally made up the bullshit story about there being weapons of mass destruction, so what? We were the big three.
We ruled American and if anyone does not like the way we ruled American they can kiss my arrogant, sarcastic, over-sized white cracker ass, except for Clay Aiken and Adam Lambert cause both are as gay as a nine dollar bill, and sorry honey [HE SAYS TURNING TO HIS LESBO DAUGHTER MARY] but you aren't gay.
You're a lesbian and there is a big damn effen difference, just like there is a big damn effen difference between 409 pound Kirstie Alley and 603 pound Gabourney Sidibe; one is fat as hell and the other one is fat, fat, fat as hell!
Meanwhile back at American Idol, Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson said that Casey James might as well pack his suitcase, his guitar, and his hair dryer, and mosey his ass on back to Fort Worth, Texas, because he ain't got a snowballs chance in Lady Gaga's bulging crotch panties of winning.
In a related story. Lady Gaga has just told the Fox Network's Bill O'Reilly that she does not appreciate him saying that she is really a guy but dresses like a girl because girl's clothes are a lot prettier than guy's clothes.
