WEST HOLLYWOOD - Well it appears that Lindsay Lohan, the freckle faced little girl who lost her way (dozens of times) may finally have found the road to survival.
Yes Lindsay Lohan, aka "Freckle Face," has just announced that she has found a brand new friend and the "CougarGal's" name is Indrani Pierrepont.
Indrani, which is Indian for woman with handsome dual labias, is 36-years-old, or doing the math, 13 years older than LiLo, who is 23.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Who said math would not come in handy after one leaves high school?]
LiLo met the unemployed mature photographer while standing in line at the unemployment office. Lohan who lists her occupation as an actress has not made a film since 2007, when she starred with Sandra Bullock, Art Garfunkel, and Oprah Winfrey in The Misadventures of Daisy Douchebaguette 2.
Indrani, who says that her new sexy, young, fine-bodied lover Lindsay, calls her Indy, revealed that she has never been more in love with a man, woman, or third gender, as she is with LiLo, whom she calls Lindy Lindy Lindy. When asked why she answers I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
[EDITOR'S NOTE 2: I spoke to Larry King and he revealed to me that he talked to Indrani's gynecologist, Dr. Susie P. Blisterwater, and he was told that Indy has a West Indian speech impediment that causes her to repeat certain words and phrases a total of 3 times.]
Lohan's probation officer, Agnes Van Twist, 46, said that it appears that she is finally seeing some light at the end of Lindsay's tunnel (no pun intended).
Van Twist pointed out that by tunnel she meant it in a figurative way and she did not mean to imply tunnel as in Lohan's a*al cavity.
Indrani is telling friends that she is the luckiest bitch in the world (her, not Lindsay, although she does add that Lindsay is a lucky bitch as well).
Meanwhile, when LiLo's ex-boyfriend Samantha Ronson found out about Lindsay dating the much older Indrani she reportedly said, "Well, well, well, it appears that my ex-freckle faced slut can't find a young bitch dyke like me and so she has to settle for a BD old enough to be her aunt."
Ronson was asked if she was jealous of LiLo's new "CougarGal" pal."
Samantha laughed, grabbed her crotch, and said, "Hey, give it a couple of weeks, and La Lohan will come crawling back to me like the low-life, skanky, two-bit, confused-as-hell twat she is."
In other more happier news. The next Spider Man movie will begin filming shortly. The motion picture will star Tobey Maguire, Keira Knightley, Courtney Love, The Black Eyed Peas, Donald Rumsfeld, and Tatiana Del Toro as the Spider Whiner. The film is titled, 'Spider Man - Weaving Webs For Fun and Profit.'
