PHOENIX - Governor Jan Brewer sitting on the porch of her double wide trailer told the assembled media that she has been in close contact with President Obama for the past 24 hours.
Brewer, who says that she hates the bumper stickers that someone printed up which read "Brewer The Screwer" said that after having second, third, and fourth thoughts about the immigration quota bill she wants to just drop the whole freakin' enchilada. She thought about it and said, "yes, that's right. You heard me say enchilada. See I have changed already."
The governor said that she has received dozens of threats of violence against her and she commented that, that was just from some of her family members, neighbors, fellow state workers, her maid, her cook, and two of her three gardeners.
Brewer said that she has never had so much stress in her entire life, except for the time back when she was a second string cheerleader at Grand Canyon State University and she faced the possibility of possibly having contacted a STD from the men's basketball team.
The governor was asked if she felt that the president would forgive her and drip the dozens of bans and sanctions that he has threatened to implement against her and her state.
Brewer, who looks like an unattractive Cindy McCain, smiled and said that she felt that the president would do just that.
President Obama was asked what he thought about Governor Brewers sudden change of heart. He grinned, took a sip from his bottle of Lowenbrau and said, "Well let me just say dis about dat. And make no mistake, because I want ta be 100 percent clear on dis. There are those who say dat da previous administration messed up and dat dey messed up royally.
And I am not one ta argue about historical fact or political flim flammery. But I have no intention, intentioned or otherwise of forgiving dat hateful bleached blonde white woman. No sir. No way. No how. No nada (nothing)."
The president wiped the sweat from his brow and added, "All's I can say is dat da bitch is a day late and a dollar short...and dat's what I be talkin' about."
In other breaking news. A pipe just outside of Naples, Italy has ruptured. There are reports that there is salad oil all over several of the poorer neighborhoods in the city. City officials say that they will look into the situation as soon as they finish discussing the plans for the August Garlic Bread Sticks Festival.