Earth Caretakers Lose Funding
The duo of Earl and Dale, aliens that are responsible for keeping Earth from destruction ala Horton Hears a Who, have reportedly lost funding from their government. Troubled economic times have spilled over to the universe leading several economis...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Defends Her Trip To Mexico By Saying She Needed To Buy Her Kiddoes Christmas Toys Including Piñatas, Maracas, and A Real Live Baby Burro
READING, Pennsylvania - Kate Gosselin has been criticized by her ex-husband Jon Gosselin for going off to Mexico and leaving the kids with a babysitter whom he does not even know. Jon said that ever since her appearance last year on Dancing With T...
Read full storyHot Toys for Christmas
Enterprising and obviously childless people have gauged the mood of the nation and are privately selling the hottest toys for children this Christmas. Toy Story 3 toys, especially the lesser characters like Jessie and Bullseye, are completely sold...
Read full storySurprising Winner Claims Turner Prize
A turd in a box has won this years Turner Prize, in a totally unsurprising turn of events. The turd was shat in to a shoe box by English born artist Stanislav Moyovich Chapman, 37. The artist told us from his home in Poland "I am so happy I won...
Read full storyJohn McCain Says He Will Run For President In 2012 With Bristol "The Pistol" Palin As His Vice President
PHOENIX - Senator John McCain, who along with Sarah Palin ran as the GOP presidential ticket in 2008 and lost, has just made a dramatic 2012 presidential race announcement. The Arizona senator has told The View's Joy Behar that he is planning on r...
Read full storyWikileaks' Julian Assange Has Agreed To Appear On Next Years 'Dancing With The Stars'
HOLLYWOOD - Executives at ABC, the network that produces the reality dancing show Dancing With The Stars, have just announced that they have talked to Julian Assange of Wikilieaks and he has agreed to appear as a contestant on next year's edition.
Read full storyWikileaks worried about British cables
Wikileaks has hit back at the world over British cables. As the site is on the verge of being shut down and shunned by those it embarrasses, a new scandal has emerged in the UK related to alleged cables to America. It seems that the US Preside...
Read full storyIntimate shots of bikini-clad Katia Zatuliveter found on Prince Harry's mobile phone
London - (Royal Mole/Ass Mess): Harry's 'just rubbing suntan lotion' all over pretty blonde intern Katia Zatuliveter's beauty spot. The soft and peachy hillock was described today by anti-espionage cops as a scene of special scientific interest.
Read full storyMary Whitehouse Viewers and Listeners Association up in arms over ejection of Ann Widdecombe
Now that Ann Widdecombe has been ejected from popular dancing reality show "Strictly", the Mary Whitehouse Viewers and Listeners Association (MWVLA) are up in arms that the show may now start to verge on the pornographic. The MWVLA feel that femal...
Read full storyIronic Twist as Scientology is Diagnosed as a Mental Condition
NEW YORK - Researchers at a New York university have found out that Scientology is a mental illness, ironically. Scientology is a somehow recognised religion in America (and Jedi isn't?!), exempting it from paying certain taxes, whereas in sensibl...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Confirms Her 5-Month Marriage To Liam Helmsworth
Miley Cyrus told interviewers yesterday that she was indeed Mrs. Liam Hemsworth for all of five months. "We sneaked away and planned to let people know about it as soon as things cooled down at home between Mom and Dad, but they just got worse ins...
Read full storyDolly Parton Hurts Herself Jumping Rope!
Dolly Parton, taking advantage to be outside on a warm day for December, was showing several young fans in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee how she used to jump rope as a kid by taking the rope they were using and trying hard to skip while singing. "My dog...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Planning Wild Birthday Party, Including Taylor Lautner On December 13th
Normally restrained Taylor Swift has big plans for her 21st birthday party and will be inviting over one hundred people to attend her party and celebration. "The first thing I want to do", Taylor told friends, "is to drink nearly a half glass of...
Read full storyShark Alert Failure
Just when everyone was beginning to get tired of Wikileaks exposures of blabbing diplomats the US Government has set out on a two pronged campaign to breath more life into the Wikileaks campaign. First they issued a Shark Alert against the Wikilea...
Read full storySilvio Berlusconi to star in MTV-style dating show
Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi is set to star in a new MTV-style dating show called "Silvio's Sexy Sluts." The programme invites 12 'babes' in love with Silvio's smooth charm, good looks and charisma into his Italian home for a series o...
Read full storyWikileaks Finally Releases Documents Americans Care About
Wikileaks, the watchdog site that exposes government secrets has finally released a new round of documents that Americans are interested in. The last round of documents revealed that diplomats and politicians are a bunch of back biting, gossip mon...
Read full storyFacebook Cartoon Profile Picture Virus
An alarming computer virus which changes users facebook profiles to cartoon characters is the latest in a series of security embarrassments for facebook. The Looney Toon 1.2 virus is believed to have originated from hackers in Venezuala and has no...
Read full storySaudi Arabia Buys Israel All 6 Million Israelis Move to S Florida
This morning Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Saudi King Abdullah held a joint news conference at the luxurious King David Hotel in Jerusalem. Saudi King Abdullah: "Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. Thank you all for coming. It is...
Read full storyObama Plan To Move Out Of White House
When President Barack Obama announced plans to move out of the White House, letting Republicans Boehner and McConnell move in for a month, demonstrating his bipartisanship compromise line in the sand... Michelle Obama's hair exploded into flame. S...
Read full storyUS to Slap Sanctions on Luxury Goods to North Korea
Washington - Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton has asked the State Department to draw up a list of luxury goods to be sanctioned against North Korea. It is believed that perks and luxury goods are one of the main tools Pyongyang gives to mili...
Read full storyJulian Assange has letters stolen
Julian Assange has had a taste of his own medicine. His website has let it be known that Mr Assange has had hugely important letters stolen. Currently Wikileaks are alleging that the CIA are behind the theft of the four crucial letters, but there is...
Read full storyDallas Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones Says One More Prima Donna-Diva Sideline Outburst From Jon Kitna And He'll Find Himself Picking Effen Bananas In Costa Rica
INDIANAPOLIS - Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones was one extremely happy man after watching his Dallas Cowboys win their third game under new head coach Jason "Smiley" Garrett. Jones' team defeated the Indianapolis Colts 38 to 35 on an overtime fie...
Read full storyWikileaks latest on Prince William and Kate Middleton
The damaging Wikileaks revelations continue - and this time Prince William and his pal Kate Middleton are in the frame. In emails published today it would appear that Prince William and Kate Middleton are planning to marry. Julian Assange's organ...
Read full storyRepublic Of Kenya Revokes President Obama's Passport
Tiring of President Barack Obama's denials of being born in Kenya, the Republic of Kenya today issued a statement that it has officially revoked the passport and visa of "former" citizen, Barack Hussein Obama. With this statement, which is accom...
Read full storyKevin Keegan: "I'll just LOVE IT, if I become Newcastle Utd Manager for a THIRD time!"
St. James Park, Newcastle: The news on the Tyne, is that Kevin Keegan has made it known; "I'll just love it if I become Newcastle United Manager for a THIRD time!" Kevin Keegan was awarded £2 million (plus interest accrued) in severance claus...
Read full storyOprah Winfrey Shows Off Her "Puppies" In Washington D.C.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Oprah Winfrey, the queen of television was in Washington, D.C. attending the Kennedy Centre (Center) Honours (Honors) Gala where she was honored for a life time contribution to the entertainment industry. Miss O was accompanied...
Read full storyBendtner Shock at Ballon d'Or Snub
Arsenal squad player Nicklas Bendtner has stated his dismay at not been nominated for the final shortlist of the 2010 Ballon d'Or. Despite not even been on the initial 23 man shortlist, Bendtner claimed he was "shocked" not to have come back into...
Read full story"Sarah Palin's Frozen Alaska" - Sarah Palin Remarks "Gosh Darnit Is It Friggin Cold Up Here Or Am I Just Glad To See Ya?"
WASILLA - In the latest installment of Sarah Palin's Frozen Alaska we see the "You Betcha" gal heading up north, past the Arctic Circle, past the Land of the Eskimos, and even past Santa Claus Land, with her dad Chucky Palin and Palin family friend S...
Read full storyChelsea Handler Uses Comedy to Dis Angelina
Hollywood - Chelsea Handler used took time out of her stand up act to cut on Angelina Jolie. "I think it is safe to say that Angelina Jolie is better at breaking up relationships than she is at acting. I would also say she is a homewrecker." Chel...
Read full storyMan Behind Anonymous Screename Knows What's Best For Country
Birmingham, AL - As the political atmosphere becomes increasingly divided, Americans are showing an unprecedented level of skepticism in their political leaders and a distinct lack of trust in the media's coverage of important issues. Recent polls c...
Read full storyTop Ten Reasons For Tax Cuts for Rich
10. No need for a middle class if really rich can keep more money. 9. Bush really knew his economic stuff, and it is nice way to remember his policies. 8. Rich worried about not having enough money to buy Christmas presents for mistresses. 7. Dick Cheney says it is a good idea, as holding his shotgun in one hand and a beer in the other hand. 6. Obama needs to break some more campaig...
Read full storyUK Pizza restaurant chain employ Ku Klux Klan members!
One of the UK's most popular pizza eat-ins, Pizza Tent, are being accused of employing members of the Ku Klux Klan! A racist incident involving several "Black" footie players near Bournemouth has sparked the allegations. The football players we...
Read full storySarah Palin Sleeps with Karl Rove
Washington--Sarah Palin isn't denying rumors she slept with Karl Rove to get him to say something positive about her. "I won't say that Karlly and I slept together. I will just say that the mainstream media just wants us to hookup and put our feu...
Read full storyPope Mentally Breaks Up with David Hasselhoff
Vatican--Pope Benedict XVI announced he is breaking up with his imaginary boyfriend David Hasselhoff because of David's constant desire for alcohol. "While I will always love the nights David and I spent in mind. I just think it is best that we e...
Read full storyEx-Newcastle Manager Chris Hughton was Russian spy
Newcastle United have parted company with manager Chris Hughton having labelled him a Championship standard equal opportunities Russian spy who just happened to have a done a pretty damn good job. The Premiership club says its fears over his dupli...
Read full storyBP Happy to Sell US a Pile of Bull Crap
Washington - BP is happy that US citizens are happy with their new ads showing that they are helping people deal with the large oil spill they created. "I was worried that people would stop buying our main product, oil." CEO Robert Dudley with a...
Read full storyThe Ad is the Thing
Robert Bartoli, journalist and contributing writer to the New York Daily Observer, revealed at an impromptu news conference held at The Irish Pub, located in South Seaport, in New York City, that he had attended an early morning "meeting" at CBS, whe...
Read full storyNFL Admits Possible Consipracy
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, the $2.9 million dollar league leader who actually makes more like $9.76 million in overall compensation, and TV bonuses, hinted that there could be some "rehearsing" of football games so that television cameras are aw...
Read full storyGovernment Probes News Addicts
The government announced today the formation of a new parliamentary committee to examine the possible harmful effects of the news on the population. Reports in recent weeks from various academic sources have shown what many have suspected for deca...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Tells Sarah Palin to Kiss her A**
Kate Gosselin is hopping mad after viewing Sarah Palin's reality television show last night. Of all the footage shot, Gosselin claims TLC chose the stuff that made her look like a spoiled prima dona. She is, of course, referring to the much-anticipat...
Read full storyWikileaks Founder Granted Compassionate Asylum In Libya after Claiming He has only 'weeks to live!"
Citing 'humanitarian compassion' conjoined coalition co-captain Nick Clegg granted a pass to Wikileaks in hiding founder Julian Assange arranging extradition to Libya due to Assange's declaration he only had 'weeks to live!" Clegg took the extraor...
Read full storySoupathon 2010 Xfactor
While thousands tuned into TV3 to watch a talent show on Saturday night, the real talent was in the front door in Galway and they were putting on some show. Feeney was the first competitor on the scene. As he walked into the pub and to the bar yo...
Read full storyVictoria's Secret Brings New Style of Sexy to Dubai
Victoria's Secret has announced that it will be opening one of its first shops outside of North America-in Dubai of all places. While we can't speak for the sanity of the folks who take care of expansion projects for the corporation, we have to wonde...
Read full storyRetire Now, Work Later
Company has answer to backwards dilemma: What is retirement and why does it have to come at the end of your career and life? Why not retire when you are 21 and able to enjoy your full potential? Work can wait, but your youth and health are on a declining scale. Waiting until you are 65 is like waiting until the expiration date has passed. Milk may still be palatable after its expiry...
Read full storyWas sexy blonde bombshell Katia Zatuliveter leaking stuff to Julian Assange?
London - (Spy-Who-Shagged-Me Mess): "We're not talking actual bodily fluids here," the head of UK anti-espionage said today, "but this pretty Russian lady was caught taking the piss." Zatuliveter the Mole was unmasked by assiduous covert surveilla...
Read full storyBoy Sent To Buy One - Yes, ONE - Onion!
There were grumblings under his breath this afternoon, when a boy in Bangkok was sent to the supermarket with an extremely short shopping list - he had to buy a single onion! The boy - me - 14, was told to fetch the onion by his mother who was in...
Read full storyOops, I meant to say Hunt
BBC Radio 4 presenter, James Naughtie makes an arse of himself, live on air. The Today show is a "must listen to" for politicos and those waking up with their morning coffee. How many, then, must have choked on their coffee when the very naughty, Mr Naughtie said this: naughtie man. No, there is no doubt, he definitely said it. It is to be hoped that the presenter finds himself alternati...
Read full storyRestaurant Baytarns Takes Revenge on Fat Customers
Rumours that the restaurant chain Baytarns are about to introduce a restriction on fat people grew yesterday. It is alleged that all customers will have to "pass though a hoop" before getting access to the all you can eat facilities. Those too fat to...
Read full storyItty Bitty Titty Committee records "small" numbers.
Long-standing and widely respected support group 'IBTC' has today recorded a 70% drop in membership, prompting a call for a mass recruitment drive. Speaking at a conference yesterday, International IBT Committee Leader Tiffany Jones blames attitud...
Read full storyChristine Bleakley - Sex A Mystery
Daybreak host Christine Bleakley says she is "not ready" to think about starting a family with boyfriend, Chelsea midfield star, Frank Lampard. Although she says she loves children, she also claims she couldn't balance career and family. She adds...
Read full storyStolen snowman was kidnapped!
Mary Hinge of Kent had her Snowman stolen last week, and rang the police. Unfortunately for Mary, the police were less than sympathetic. Now it transpires that her snowman was not just stolen, but in fact, kidnapped. "I don't know weather to ri...
Read full storyThe Spoof Implicated On Wikileaks-The Sh*t Is Hitting The Fan In A Big Way
Office Of Homeland Security, Washington, D.C. To the Editor Mark Lowton, In the latest Wikileaks exposure a document has been released that we are finding very disturbing. It is a missive sent via what are supposed to be classified channels from one of your 'staff', a Mr. Rfreed, to the Republican spokeswoman Sarah Palin. We would like to get more information on this individual from you as...
Read full storyEaster Egg On Eclipse DVD Leads to Hidden Second Rob Pattinson-Taylor Lautner-Kristen Stewart Commentary Track
Just when everyone thought watching the teen masturbation-fodder DVD "Twilight:Eclipse" couldn't be more painful, self-proclaimed 'Twi-Hards' have found an easter egg on the DVD that, when activated, unleashes a second hideous audio commentary by stars Rob Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner. "There is not enough beer in the Universe to get me to watch 'Eclipse' with the first comment...
Read full storyHill walker endured a two-hour attack by a reindeer - was it Rudolph?
HEADLINE IN BRITISH DAILY: Hill walker endured a two-hour attack by a reindeer This just in from Scotland: The poor woman endured a long 'entanglement with the reindeer who had spied her hiking in the Scottish Hills, alone. Reindeer expert, I.M.A Deerman, said, "I just can't understand why he attacked. The woman MUST have provoked him by teasing him, perhaps about NOT being one of...
Read full storyFury after revealed that FA exhibited "Green Street" to FIFA in World Cup bidding process
MURDEROUS, semi-literate rage was building amongst English football fans last night as it emerged that the Football Association had played the film "Green Street" as part of their unsuccessful pitch to win the right to host the 2018 World Cup. De...
Read full storyBalotelli Blasts "Money Hungry" City Team-mates
Italian international Mario Balotelli has sensationally blasted his Manchester City team mates. The self proclaimed "bad boy" claims that too many of his City team mates are at Eastlands for the wrong reasons, and he's definitely not one of them.
Read full storyLisa Marie Presley Leaves Los Angeles and Moves To London Because Of The Weather
LONDON - The king of rock and roll's only offspring, Lisa Marie Presley has sold her Roy Rogers ranch style home in Los Angeles, California for $5 million [£3.18 U.K] and moved to London, England. Elvis Presley's daughter landed at London's Heathr...
Read full storyMegan Fox's Vagina Deemed Prettiest in World
The votes have been tallied and the judging is done. For the 4th year consecutively, Megan Fox has taken, no, eclipsed the competition by taking first place in the most desirable vagina in the world contest. This years field included, Paris Hilton...
Read full storyNigerians to Prosecute Cheney for Scams
Nigeria - Femi Babafemi, in charge of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission in Nigeria, said that Dick Cheney would "definitely" be charged for selling the Nigerians millions of American email addresses. Said Babafemi, "The email addresses he...
Read full storyCheryl Cole's Boyfriend Derek Hough Denies The Rumor That His Sister Julianne Hough Is Marrying Ryan Seacrest
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Derek Hough, the co-winner of this year's Dancing With The Stars, along with his partner Jennifer Grey, was having lunch with his girlfriend Cheryl Cole at the famed Tacos, Tacos, and Mucho More Tacos Restaurant in West Hollywood.
Read full storyKevin Pietersen Throws Wicket After Seeing Spectator Eating Burger
England's 2nd Test superhero Kevin Pietersen has admitted that he threw away his wicket after scoring 227 runs when he saw a spectator in the crowd tucking into an exceptionally tasty-looking burger. England were on 568 when the burly right-hander...
Read full storyWikileaks Writer Reveals That Wikileaks Is Prone To Making Stuff Up
In a surprise announcement on its website this morning, the information-leaking organisation Wikileaks, has revealed that Wikileaks staff, themselves, are often prone to making mistakes, and even fabricate their own fantastic stories out of absolutel...
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