WASILLA - In the latest installment of Sarah Palin's Frozen Alaska we see the "You Betcha" gal heading up north, past the Arctic Circle, past the Land of the Eskimos, and even past Santa Claus Land, with her dad Chucky Palin and Palin family friend Stevie "The Silly Hat" Becker stalking the mean, ferocious, man-eating caribou.
Interestingly enough Sarah's father always refers to her as Sarah Palin. Not once does he call her honey, or sweety, or some other endearing name other than the cold business like...Sarah Palin.
Sarah on the other hand does not refer to her father as dad, daddy, or pops but she simply calls him "Old Dude."
Becker calls Mr. Palin the "Old Moose" and he refers to Sarah as "Hot Lips."
Sarah calls Becker cutesy names like "Becky," "Joanie," "Griselda," and "Pelosina."
She does stress that Becker is not gay since everyone knows that there are no gays in Alaska for the simple reason that it is just too damn freaking cold and besides gays are deathly afraid of polar bears.
The Palin Caribou Expedition Team travels to the unbelievable frickin forsaken place called Kavik, which is Eskimo for 'Dammit Nanook is it ever going to effen stop snowing or what?'
The summertime temperatures in Klavik have been known to dip down to 75 degrees below zero.
In fact when Sarah first got off the Piper Bush plane that flew them up to the Alaskan tundra she exclaimed, "Gosh darnit is it friggin cold up here or am I just glad to see ya?"
Sarah proudly boasted that her youngest daughter Piper was named after the infamous Piper plane which they use on their hunting expeditions.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: I guess that it's a good thing that the Palin expedition team never used the Plackaminstuck Bush Plane...Plackaminstuck Palin would not have been a very good name for a little girl.]
After setting up camp, which consisted of two pup tents, the hunting trio hiked about five miles searching for caribou. Apparently the caribou got word that "Telescopic High Powered Rifle" Sarah was on her way because there were no caribou anywhere in sight.
After about ten hours a lone caribou sauntered in.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: There are as yet unconfirmed reports that the caribou was actually a stunt caribou.]
As the caribou peeked his head over the hilly ridge, Becker hollered out for "Hot Lips" to shoot the sucker. Sarah took careful aim, fired, and missed. The caribou did not budge leading one to believe that either the caribou was totally deaf or else his four feet were chained to the ground.
"Snowflake" Palin fired again. And again she missed. And again the caribou did not even flinch. Hmmmm.
"Sweaty" Sarah fired a third time and the bullet flew over the caribou by about ten feet. The caribou winked and actually could be heard giggling.
Sarah's daddy told her to shoot again. But this time as Sarah took aim, Becker, who was off camera was also taking aim. The former governor's rifle did not have a bullet in the chamber. Her dad told her to pull the trigger which she did...click. Boom! rang out Becker's rifle off-camera and the caribou fell.
The camera crew stopped filming while they removed the chains off of the fallen caribou's legs. They were also observed removing a pair of ear plugs from the caribou's ears. Hmmmm.
Chucky and Stevie then proceeded to gut the caribou and ended up with about 127 pounds of meat which Sarah said would help get her family through the harsh Wasilla winter.
In a related story. Next week's "Sarah Palin's Frozen Alaska" will feature Dancing With The Star's dancing sensation Kate "Graceless" Gosselin and her plus 8 brats who will no doubt give the Iceberg State hell!
