London - (Royal Mole/Ass Mess): Harry's 'just rubbing suntan lotion' all over pretty blonde intern Katia Zatuliveter's beauty spot.
The soft and peachy hillock was described today by anti-espionage cops as a scene of special scientific interest.
By this afternoon that was upgraded to area of outstanding natural booty (sic) after the image appeared unexpectedly on a Palace mobile.
Royal Protection Racket cops moved quickly, pumping out some disinformation garbage to distance Prince Ginger from the unfolding scandal.
But dozens of the intimate soft-focus poolside shots had already found their way onto the Royal Faecesbook page - soon proving hellishly more popular than Old Fatty Mountbatten's silly gob.
Quite how long Harry and Katia have been shagging - er...helping one another hone their Olympic medal-bid breaststroke skills! - is almost a state secret.
The luscious Miss Zee is holed up right now in a UK police detention center awaiting extradition back to Moscow.
Her erstwhile KGB chum Anna Kushchenko is 69.