British Patriotism At An All Time High
A survey carried out this morning revealed that the British are riding high on an unprecedented wave of patriotism, which might seem somewhat surprising considering the country is stumbling out of recession, just getting over the winter white-out, su...
Read full storyVictor Nicholas & Erskin Quint Discover the Source of the Great Bumbogoola River - Part The Second
Being The Concluding Part of The Great Adventure, The First Part of Which May be Discover'd Herein The audience at the exclusive Threadbare Street Bogus Officers Club were petrified with awe after Victor Nicholas had supplied them with the initial part of the strange story of the expedition to the Ufganufgwa Interior in search of the source of the Great Green Bumbogoola River of Eastern Nbomola...
Read full storyPestilence Obama Vows To Ban Volcanic Eruptions
In his press conference this morning, Pestilence Obama stated that he will move to immediately ban future volcanic eruptions. Speaking from his TelePrompter, Obama called for all nations, including Iceland, to eliminate eruptions within the next week...
Read full storyMary Potter and the Tempest in Her Womb - FINALE
Mary, Armo, Chubby the Brown and Billy the Connolly, travelled together through the countryside for two weeks. Chubby and Billy put on shows in each of the villages they passed through. People threw coins at their feet. These coins helped pay for food and lodgings when they came to a village where Armo knew no persons with whom to lodge. In one village there was a trial being held. A youn...
Read full storySubo fanatics heading for Iceland
The Red Scarf Brigade - the Subo Fanatics extraordinnaire, are said to making plans to visit Iceland. They just can't seem to accept that there is more to talk about in the world than THEIR crazy shenanigans. Their Spokesman, Canadian Bob, said t...
Read full storyRoyal Navy to Rescue Stranded Brits
The British government have decided, hours ahead of the air travel ban being lifted, to rescue British tourists trapped on foreign shores unable to get home due to the Volcanic Ash Cloud preventing them from flying by using the British Navy. Howe...
Read full storyPedophile Priests - Fr Francois DuBois SJ Gets The Job Done
Defrocked priest, Father Francois DuBois SJ, the hard drinking, chain-smoking, streetfighting, whoremaster himself, called a surprising press conference this morning at his remote West 'By God' Virginia chapel to make what press handouts described as...
Read full storyThe 2010 Country Music Awards: Carrie Underwood Captures The Entertainer of The Year Award (Again!)
LAS VEGAS - The 45th Annual Country Music Awards Show was held in the place known as "Chips City." And for one night at least, the chips were not the little red, blue, green, and yellow ones, but the big round brown ones...as in them out yonder c...
Read full storyAdrian Chiles spends the evening with Christine Bleakley but wakes up with Lorraine Kelly
Adrian Chiles woke up this morning nursing the mother of all hangovers trying to work out exactly what had happened the previous night. 'It's a mystery' he said 'I was having a very pleasant evening in the company of who I believed was a beautiful...
Read full storyCIA Sending Subliminal Messages To Website Users
The CIA are taking legal action in order to prevent a former operative spilling the beans as to the extent 'The Company' are reputed to be flooding internet websites with subliminal messages. 'The Company' have a long and not in all cases illustri...
Read full storyHuge rise in scout numbers - Church told 'hands off'
Hot on the heels of the announcement that the number of UK scouts has risen dramatically in the last few years comes the news of a developing rift between the Scout Association and the Catholic church. After hearing that the Scout Association need...
Read full storyParanoid Pictures cancels Iron Man 2 premiere
London - (Lava Palaver): Blaming a lack of any discernible transatlantic flights in the forseeable future Paranoid studio bosses have cancelled next Monday's Iron Man 2 London premiere. The Jon Favreau-directed blockbuster plot concerns some bloke...
Read full storyOvine Love
A researcher is conducting a survey into sheep shagging. First of all he visits a Cornish farmer. "So, Cornish farmer, how do you shag your sheep?" "Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boot and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall." "That's very interesting," replies the researcher and he leaves the Cornish farmer. Then he meets a Midla...
Read full storyEmmy Nod Goes to Kate Gosselin for Inside Edition Interview
Los Angeles, CA - It may be too soon to speculate, but rumors have it that Kate Gosselin may just take home a Primetime Emmy this fall for her recently spectacular performance on Inside Edition where she convincingly told her interviewer that she mis...
Read full storyWe are sailing, says Mandy
You've got to hand it to him, Lord Mandelson gets things done. The problem child of New Labour, sacked, rehired, chucked out on his ear, brought back, the man of the minute who knows how to get back in the news. His latest masterstroke, use the Ro...
Read full storyO' Halloran: The Stamp of Death: Part 3
Part 3 Homicide HQ - Psychotown West. 4.27AM - WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS WANKING AND SEXUAL REFERENCES TO SEX AND SHIT- Part 1|Part 2| O' Halloran loosens his tie as he pushes open the glass doors to the Homicide office on the third floor of the Psychotown West Station House. "Find all you can on this Doctor Huckleberry Fudgecicle Stickybum Baboon IV guy. I wanna know where he...
Read full storySheep-Shaggers are delighted, a new breed of furry, woolly, piggies is about to be released!
Sheep-Shaggers, mainly from Leeds and Wales, boyo, are delighted at the news that a furry, woolly breed of pig has been discovered and about to be released across the Pennines and in the Welsh Valleys. Leeds Sheep-Shaggers, desperate to escape the...
Read full storyChubby Brown has his say about Morrisons, Takwana and Anitakapita from Cargo Fleet
Chubby Brown is laughing his head off at the goings on of the two women from Cargo Fleet, Takwana Smith and Anitakapita Jones. "Ee, A didn't believe folk could be so f*****g stupid. Covered in bling, gobs on 'em like sailors. Arv been in Morriso...
Read full storyWomen Cause Earthquakes During Orgy With Iranian Cleric
An Iranian cleric has boasted how women have caused earthquakes following orgies held at his Tehran apartment. Mohammad Ahmgoodinbed said "These scantily clad females can cause earthquakes. I only have to see a bit of thigh and there's no stopping me...
Read full storyGordon Brown - "My immigration fears"
The Prime Minister today expressed his concern regarding levels of immigration from the sub continent as a result of the Icelandic volcano eruption crisis. It is reported that up to 100,000 immigrants a day are unable to land in this country durin...
Read full storyClegg Claims He is 'Up For the Challenge' in Event of 'Hung' Parliament
A loo attendant at the BBC studio that filmed the recent debates claims all three candidates fail to measure up to past standards but Nick Clegg is well ahead of Cameron and Brown in the event of a hung Parliament. Sharing TMI only a potty janito...
Read full storyAdrian Chiles Quits West Brom For Wolves
Adrian Chiles, television presenter, beard grower and Christine Bleakley fancier has announced that he is quitting as West Bromwich Albion's number 1 fan. He has decided to move to their rivals Wolverhampton Wanderers. Chiles made his decision follow...
Read full storyDetroit to be Bulldozed and Replaced with World's Largest Mall
Detroit, MI - In what was hailed as an extreme but necessary move by the Mayor of Detroit, work has begun in planning the total destruction and re-building of Detroit, this time as a shopping mall, not a city. All 143 square miles of the city will be...
Read full storyChloe Hickinbottom heads to Calais to entertain our stranded tourists
Gordon Brown gave Chloe's head teacher special permission to excuse the wee starlet from knitting, art and PE today. Chloe is in Calais, handing out Union Jacks and belting out all the war songs. Ant and Dec are collecting, among the huge crowds,...
Read full story'Lord of the Things', Action, Thriller, Who Done It
The long overshadowed classic set of Yogi Berra stories, "Lord of the Things", about a traveling collector has finally found backing and will open in US theaters today. Berra commented about the story years ago, "if you save enough stuff you are a c...
Read full storyLA Neo-Nazis Amuse Protesters with Denials of Closet Homosexuality
Los Angeles, CA: A contentious rally of Neo-Nazis in central Los Angeles erupted into laughter earlier this week as Fascist supporting speakers vehemently denied taunts from hundreds of assembled protesters accusing them of closet homosexuality. "...
Read full storyMatchterbation - The key to success - Book Preview
As a sports enthusiast I have always been interested in how to get the most out the human body to achieve sporting par excellence. We all know about exercising, diet and sleep but these things alone will not take the average sportsman to the top of his profession. A legendary 4th factor has remained shrouded in secrecy for years. This technique is so important that if you can harnesses its pow...
Read full storyCreationists help kill Iraqi al-Qaeda leaders
Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri Maliki is today claiming that Abu Ayyub al-Masri, the leader of al-Qaeda in Iraq, has been killed. His death was the result of an ingenious plan cooked up by American creationists and Iraqi intelligence forces. The plan...
Read full storyChloe Hickinbottom bless her heart
Ten year old, Chloe Hickinbottom has arrived on the scene at the perfect time. Her performance of "White Cliffs of Dover" on Britain's Got talent has resonanted in some unlikely places. The Labour ex government want her as their pin up girl. As t...
Read full storySuBo to sing at Eurovision!
It was last night announced that the UK's Eurovision Song Contest entry will be sung by Susan Boyle. Speaking from her Scottish home, SuBo said "Och, this year's entry was a load of crap as usual! My cat Pebbles could sing better, so I decided to sin...
Read full storyDerek Acorah world to open in Edinburgh
World famous psychic, Derek Acorah is to open his own theme park in the Scottish capital Edinburgh. Edinburgh is widely regarded as the most haunted city in the world, with a ghost on every street corner, and a ghoul under every bed. "What better...
Read full storyJudge Dando probes Ribery ribaldry
Paris - (Quel Horreur!): A Paris vice police sting this weekend has resulted in examining magistrate Judge Yves Dando quizzing $40 million Bayern Munich signee and France international Franck Ribery about an underage sex ring. The 27 year-old and...
Read full storyThiPad Web Surfing Tablets Coming to a Pub near You
Slightly modifying the successful mid-size touch screen and web surfing platform, the Flush-N-Go Corporation announces the release of a new series of wall mounted "ThiPads" for use by patrons while using public restrooms. Bracketed to the wall or...
Read full storySusan Boyle - a family saga, a soap opera for the media
With nauseating regularity UK tabloids are bringing us no real news of the Boyle brouhaha. Breakdowns, breakins,breaking trust and breaking all the rules of "keep it in the family" as stories are broken to an ever interested UK media. "Give me...
Read full storyBitching mars womens' race for world's highest peaks
Personal conflict is marring the race between Spain's Edurne Pasaban and South Korea's Oh Eu-bitch to become the first woman to climb the world's 14 highest mountains after Pasaban claimed, "I should be first. I'm by far the prettiest and the media w...
Read full storyCher's Gender Swap Kid Causes Confusion
Chaz (not be confused with Dave's mate) caused confusion at the weekend with his, her gender swap so much so that not even Cher knows what he, she is! Chaz was born a girl to Cher and Bono (Sunny that is not the Irish fella) but later decided she,...
Read full storyChubby Brown speaks out about Iceland and Morrisons as well as Takwana & Anitakapita
Chubby Brown his laughing his head off at the goings on of the two women from Cargo Fleet, Takwana Smith and Anitakapita Jones. "Ee, A didn't believe folk could be so f*****g stupid. Covered in bling, gobs on 'em like sailors. Arv been in Morrisons, thast's where me and our lass do most of our shoppin yer know. We go early with the posh wankers to avoid the snotty-nosed, screaming little bas...
Read full story"I spent Kerry's millions"
Mark Croft the 'easy to like' ex of Kerry Katona today admitted to what we all knew being that he spent most of Kerry's money. "Ok I admit it I spent all the money on booze, drugs and parties but now all I want is my kids," was his heartfelt plea!...
Read full storyMichelle (Bombshell) McGee Upgrades Career; Dances Topless This Friday
Proving once again that Andy Warhol was mostly right, Michelle (Bombshell) McGee has agreed to extend her celebrated and publicized role as a Hollywood home wrecker, by appearing as the featured dancer at a local strip club. Following several phot...
Read full storyGordon Brown working with EU on plan to get everyone home
Eu Assistant Commissar, Haynes Manuel, this afternoon announced a cunning plan to get Europe's stranded air passengers home. The plan is so cunning and secret that it won't be revealed until next Wednesday ensuring all the passengers on the EU Gravy...
Read full storyWe're all sick of Iceland
Gordon Brown has decided he's sick of Iceland and is demanding they pay off our national debt. The down in the dumps Labour leader is hoping to push his party up the poles by insisting Icelanders pay us a small fortune to make up for all their countr...
Read full storyPoland - The unasked question
Wawel Castle, Kraków - The grief of the mourners was all too evident among the many thousands who gathered to pay their respects to Lech Kaczynski yesterday. But so too was the sense of uneasiness. An uneasiness started by two words from a young b...
Read full storyAdrian Chiles throws a strop and heads to commercial TV
The One Show has become The None Show - Furious presenters have reacted with anger to the news that Chris Evans will present the Friday version of The One Show. Adrian Chiles has quit. "I've had dealings with him before and he is so good at st...
Read full storyShops Withdraw "Paedo" Clothes
A number of high street stores have started to withdraw ranges of childrens' clothing due to fears it is actually creating paedophiles. It follows Primark's decision to take a padded bikini top aimed at 7 year olds off their shelves, after an outc...
Read full storyRare Jimi Hendrix Footage Found!
Some lost footage of legendary guitarist Jimi Hendrix has recently been found. It has been sent over to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame where the people who work there are running it through a projector. It appears to be an interaction between Jimi and a record company executive: "Jimi," the record company executive says, "I've got some songs for you to listen to and I'd like your feedback. I'v...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart welcome constant Twilight
Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart have been following the story of the Black Volcanic Ash Cloud from the volcano eruption in Iceland, and are particularly interested in reports that the Black Cloud could blackout Europe giving us constant Twilig...
Read full storyEmergency Volcanic Eruptions at 10 Downing Street!
War Cabinet Rooms, LONDON: Gordon Brown has been holding crisis talks at emergency Cobra Meetings in Downing Street. The Country has been put on a war footing against Volcanic dust clouds. With the Department for Transport and the Secretary of S...
Read full storyVolcano Dust Emanating From Gordon Brown's Arsehole
The volcano dust that has wreaked havoc with European air travel over the last seven days, is not coming from the Eyjafjallajoekull volcano in Iceland, but is, in fact, pouring forth from British Prime Minister Gordon Brown's arsehole, it has been re...
Read full storyArnold Schwarzenegger gets ready for Volcanic Ash Cloud
Arnold Schwarzenegger is getting ready for the Volcanic Ash Cloud heading for America by getting a gas mask to protect him from any pollution from the volcanic ash dust. Schwarzenegger is considering issuing the entire population of California, wi...
Read full storyNative American called Black Cloud claims Black Cloud heading for America
A Native American, called Black Cloud, claims that a Black Cloud, is heading towards America, and will cause major disruption closing down American Airspace. Black Cloud, predicts that all Commercial Aircraft, will be grounded as the Black Cloud c...
Read full storyPolish President's Funeral "The Most Exciting Thing To Have Happened In Poland Since 1939"
As crowds gathered in Krakow yesterday for the state funeral of Polish Prime Minister Lech Kaczynski, onlookers spoke of the event as being 'the most exciting in the country since 1939. People were referring, of course, to the invasion by Adolf Hi...
Read full storyVolcano Dust "Has Wrecked UK Tourism Industry" - Claim
The volcano dust emanating from the Eyjafjallajoekull volcano in Iceland is having a distinct and direct effect on the already-struggling UK tourism industry, it has been claimed. The troublesome volcano has wreaked havoc with air travel all over...
Read full storyMugabe urges end to cricket on Zimbabwe anniversary
Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe has called for an end to cricket and other sports as the country celebrates 30 years since independence. Speaking at a ceremony marking the anniversary, he urged Zimbabweans to "foster an environment of draughts"...
Read full storyObama has indicated he will pay a $16.4 billion fine for failing to promptly give notice of a defect; admits he is imperfect
Barack Obama, also known as 'The Obama' and 'Mr. President', has officially notified the public that he is not, despite all rumours and expectations to the contrary, perfect. He has offered to pay a fine of $16.4 billion to compensate the disappointe...
Read full storyBritain's Got Talent: 10-Year-Old Chloe Hickinbottom of Wolverhampton Blows The Audience and Judges Away!
LONDON - The Fourth season of ITV1's Britain's Got Talent kicked off with quite a British bang, as Wolverhampton native Chloe Hickinbottom brought down the house with her rendition of "The White Cliffs Of Dover." The young schoolgirl was asked by...
Read full storyRepublicans Prefer Sex with Orangutans!
At a press briefing today, Professor Ferbert T. Weededom, renowned astrophysicist and part-time anthropologist, and Nubile Prize-winning environmentalist Felicia T. Weedledee, Ph.D, announced the results of their much anticipated genetic research int...
Read full storyAnn Coulter's New Sexy Telephone Service 'Dial-A-Skank' An Instant Success!
Extreme Right wingnut Ann Coulter new telephone 'Dial-A Skank' business venture began its services yesterday. Offering 24 hour titillation to the lusty imaginations of millions of potential far right callers, the phone lines are already going non-sto...
Read full storyAustralian Cook Book turns into 'Pulped Friction'
The woes for the Australian Publishing house Dumbasski Printing continued when it was discovered that the now infamous Pasta Bible cookbook was not actually pulped. The reason for the recall of 7,000 copies was an error in the recipe for 'calfer...
Read full storyBill Clinton Vies for Supreme Court Position With Hillary Caveat
Former President and inventor of mortgage based derivatives Bill Clinton is lobbying for the Supreme Court vacancy opened by the retirement of 90 year old justice Forest Gump. Mr. Gump had been in office for 60 years and finally stepped down after...
Read full storyBBC poll: 'Obama Effect' may lessen worldwide hatred of US
The Obama Effect or Obama Experience, identified two years ago at TheSpoof, may be slowly lessening the planetary population's hate and loathing of the United States of America, long hated and loathed by everyone from the entire nation of French, Ira...
Read full story