Creationists help kill Iraqi al-Qaeda leaders

Written by Mike Roberts

Monday, 19 April 2010

image for Creationists help kill Iraqi al-Qaeda leaders
4-metre-tall 'Allah' fools al-Qaeda leader

Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri Maliki is today claiming that Abu Ayyub al-Masri, the leader of al-Qaeda in Iraq, has been killed. His death was the result of an ingenious plan cooked up by American creationists and Iraqi intelligence forces.

The plan involved borrowing an animatronic God from the Creation Museum in Kentucky and dressing it up to look like Allah instead. "Normally, we wouldn't consider such a sacrilegious act," said Ned Flanders the museum spokesman, "But anything that can help us get that non-Christian heathen has got to be a good thing."

The 4 metre tall 'Allah', complete with booming voice quoting passages from the Koran, was placed in open countryside, near what was believed to be the al-Qaeda headquarters in Iraq. Iraqi intelligence forces then took up strategic positions in the surrounding area and waited.

Mr Flanders explained the rationale, "If Christians will rush out to see the Virgin Mary on a piece of toast then we figured that a Muslim wouldn't be able to resist a real live Allah."

"There was one tense moment when we thought we might be rumbled." said Mr Flanders, "When we realised the 'Allah' voice should have been in Arabic and not English. Fortunately, nobody noticed and it all worked out okay in the end."

Word soon spread of 'Allah's' miraculous appearance and it wasn't long before Abu was spotted among the gathering crowds. "It was a difficult shot with so many people around," said a senior officer with the Iraqi intelligence corps "But our crack snipers eventually managed to hit him and civilian casualties were surprisingly few".

Mr Flanders was overjoyed at the news. "I'm glad they finally got that Muslim heathen Apu, he's been ripping me off at Kwik-E-Mart for years." It was Abu, not Apu! Abu Ayyub al-Masri, a journalist pointed out. "Abu, Apu, what's the difference, they all look the same to me?"

"Whatever his name was, he wanted to meet his maker and that's exactly what he got. Not, I suspect, in exactly the way he thought he would, though!" laughed Mr Flanders.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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