A number of high street stores have started to withdraw ranges of childrens' clothing due to fears it is actually creating paedophiles.
It follows Primark's decision to take a padded bikini top aimed at 7 year olds off their shelves, after an outcry from anti-paedophile group "Really 'Orrible, Not Good, Have Ourselves Loads of Epi-fits"(RONGHOLE).
A poll showed that 83% of previously safe and mentally sound men said they would have sex with a 7 year old girl if she was wearing such sexy clothing. One shopper, Isaac Hunt (38, Derby), said:
"Yeah... I'd probably do her if she was wearing that."
Elaine Dribbletwat is the UK spokesperson for RONGHOLE, and takes this as clear proof that the shops are going after the paedo pound:
"Obviously it's all just to make money. We know your average paedo's got a lot of disposable income - you can pick up a bag of haribo and a shovel for next to nothing in a petrol station... that's all you need for a career in toddler-jockeying."
I spoke to one mum who was shovelling sweat-shop created tat into her bags in Primark. Despite frothing at the mouth at the prospect of 17 pairs of jeans for a total of 30p, she managed to spit at me:
"It's vile. If we flog this stuff in the shops, it's no wonder kiddies are getting raped. People are disgusting animals and cannot control themselves. I have to chain myself to the radiator like Terry Waite every night just to stop myself from doing things I know I shouldn't - like using an inappropriate spoon for soup, or shitting in my neighbour's letterbox - it's the only way. Now... get me a f**king trolley for all these 1p a pair socks!"
Concerns about this clothing actually creating paedophiles have been reinforced by reports of a paedophile actually made of cloth attacking children near Runcorn. Tony Gobshite claims to have witnessed it:
"He kind of looked like Sadsack, off Raggydolls... except his sack wasn't sad... not after what he did to that toddler."
