A loo attendant at the BBC studio that filmed the recent debates claims all three candidates fail to measure up to past standards but Nick Clegg is well ahead of Cameron and Brown in the event of a hung Parliament.
Sharing TMI only a potty janitor can provide each member drained, preened, and mirror schlepped before the event. "Ant sheen such teeny wankers since I was in me knickers" Our source revealed.
Nick Clegg's meteoric rise in recent polls has the Liberal Democrats facing the possibility of actually having a say in the country for the first time in over a hundred years.
Excited by the possibility Clegg is formalizing his energy independence and communal support initiative which he guarantees will benefit Britain with new age embrace of old world standards. As everyone knows the Liberal Democrats pattern their future on the debacle embraced in America's latest leadership change who have sworn to serve the minority and place the cost and effort on everyone else.
Once elected Clegg will install 'Hamstertrons' in each and every government building (eventually that will be every building) which will produce the power requirements needed to operate the facility. Clegg envisions a lean, fit and low carbon footprint Britain though we see a large boot print on the nape of John Q. Part of his scheme is that anyone who does not claim to be a LD will be assigned to 'run' the country by walking briskly on the circular treadmill/genny for an assigned length of time in order to receive any government paid benefits.
Members of the LD will be exempt from this duty which will free them up to invent other schemes. Clegg is certain this will inspire the majority to join the minority which then will no longer be the minority but he'll deal with that later.