Defrocked priest, Father Francois DuBois SJ, the hard drinking, chain-smoking, streetfighting, whoremaster himself, called a surprising press conference this morning at his remote West 'By God' Virginia chapel to make what press handouts described as a 'profound statement.'
DuBois, excommunicated by the Catholics, secretly admired by the Protestants, feared by the Baptists, and once pissed on by the Hells Angels motorcycle gang after coming off second best in a barroom brawl, has emerged as a popular political figure in his home state for telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the God-damned truth.
Which promised to make things interesting.
DuBois appeared at the remote chapel before a throng of assembled reporters, standing on a very large crate. He then launched into a ten minute tirade about the pedophile controversy surrounding the Catholics, and the (his words) scurrilous and hurtful criticism directed towards the Pontiff and his perceived lack of action in dealing severely with pedophile priests.
DuBois then went on to say that the Catholics had found themselves in a very difficult situation over the pedophile issue; on the one hand preaching tolerance and forgiveness, yet on the other, withering beneath increasingly hysterical and baying calls for blood.
DuBois explained that whereas the Catholics were bound by their own teachings into virtual inertia, (Defrocked) Father Francois DuBois was bound by no such thing.
DuBois then produced a bottle of Irish Whiskey and a Havana cigar, which he promptly made full use of. Then - almost causing us to jump out of our collective skins - the sides of the crate came crashing down to reveal two cowering individuals, battered, bruised and bleeding. Wearing the robes of priests.
Hauling the cowering individuals to their (by now extremely shaky) feet, DuBois announced loudly, that although he may be a sinner, a hard drinking saloon slugger, a whoremonger, a lecher, a perverted pantie sniffer and an all round mad, bad and dangerous to know son of a bitch - that he hated pedophiles with a vengeance.
And that he sure as hell knew how to deal with the sumbitches as opposed to them 'God Damned sissies in the Vatican.'
Father Francois DuBois (defrocked) SJ then kicked each of the pedo priests hard in each of their asses and told the 'scumsucking pieces of chupacabra shit' to get the hell out of his chapel.
Receiving a standing ovation from the press crowd in the process.
More as we get it.
