Janet Napolitano To Build Moat On Mexican Border
In a press conference this morning, Homeland Security Czar, Janet Napolitano said that the virtual wall and fence put in place by the Bush Administration is a complete and utter failure and has not stopped drugs and illegals from entering the USA.
Read full storyUnpaid Air Hostesses Strip In Protest
Flight attendants in Madrid who are owed up to nine months' wages by a grounded Spanish airline have posed nude for a calendar to draw attention to their plight, one of the cabin crew turned models said on Wednesday. "We had to do something to cat...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson And Kristen Stewart Appeal For Fans To Stop Reading Bogus Internet Stories
Robert Pattinson and sweetheart Kristen Stewart today issued an impassioned appeal to their fans to stop logging on to and reading the utter shite which is published all over the net about them. Speaking for the couple, Chester, a kids' TV show pu...
Read full storyKevin Keegan Withdraws From England World Cup Squad
Bewildered England football fans were left scratching their heads yet again this morning following the announcement that now veteran striker Kevin Keegan has ruled himself out of the England World Cup squad. The devastating news broke this morning...
Read full storyKathy Griffin Says She's The One Who Convinced Ricky Martin To Get His A** Out of The Closet
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Kathy Griffin, star of My Life On The D-List says that she is the one who convinced Ricky Martin to come out of the kitchen closet and admit that he's a 'sausage licker.' Griffin who has known Ricky ever since he was 5, and a mem...
Read full storySarah Harding Left Dazed And Confused By Kerry Katona - Peter Andre Affair
Members of Sarah Harding's 'Inner Circle' revealed exclusively to us today that the Girls Aloud bikini-babe with acting aspirations has all but given up on being selected as a target by internet malingerers masquerading as satirists. One confided...
Read full story"Easter Bunny" Found Frozen To Death In Scotland Highlands
A man who was apparently on a job to cheer up holiday makers and dressed as the Easter Bunny was found frozen to death after getting lost from the rest of the train passengers that he was with. Over 100 rail passengers had to be rescued in the ear...
Read full storyWhite House Easter Egg Roll Renamed: "Fruit Of Chicken's Loins Roll."
Michelle Obama announced today that the 2010 White House Easter Egg Roll that dates back to 1878 has been renamed so not to offend Jews and Muslims who don't celebrate this most holy of Christian holidays. The new name, "White House Fruit Of A Chick...
Read full storyCrazed Canadian special man on the run
US Border Police are on full alert today following a tip off that a Canadian national is determined to force his way into the USA. The alarm was raised by a neighbour in Toronto who phoned police to advise of the gentleman's unusual behaviour.
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LNDN - NGLND: Spf.cm hd Mrk Lwtn hs mbrkd n cmpgn 2 sv plnt. Mrk sz bst mthd 2 sv plnt s 2 stp ptng vwls n sntncs. spf wrtrs hv bn tld 2 stp wt fncy bg wrds nd rt rtkls n smpl txt styl sntncs. hd mrk lwtn sd: r wrld dsnt nd vwls - spf hs 2 s...
Read full storyAshley Greene, Vampire Diaries Crew Arrested
How do the stars of a new hit television show and one from a top movie get arrested right after the TV actors get their first episodes out? That's what reporters were scurrying around about this morning in Georgia as Ashley Greene, Nina Dobreva, C...
Read full storyAbandoned Baby Meerkat Survives Against All Odds
Initially it looked like curtains for poor little 'Simples' the newborn baby meerkat abandoned at birth by his mother and left cruelly for dead because he was the runt of the litter. Fortunately for Simples, an alert member of staff at Cullmore Zo...
Read full storyUS accedes to India request - declares Pakistan a 'terrorist state'
WASHINGTON: The US is finally fed up with Pakistan's lies and duplicity and appears to have come to its senses. Facing decimation in the upcoming mid-term elections the Obama Administration is pulling one final rabbit out of its hat. Spokesman Rob...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars: The Pamela Anderson - Kate Gosselin Feud Fires Up!
HOLLYWOOD - Two of the top reality shows Dancing With The Stars and American Idol are going head-to-head as they are pitted against each other. This year's edition of DWTS has already seen at least three of the couples get into some pretty serious...
Read full storySaddam still alive
Saddam Hussein has reportedly been captured by the Taliban. The former Iraqi tyrant was reported to have been captured trying to cross the Pakistan/Afghan border late last night. In a emergency press conference held by the Taliban,spokesman Hama...
Read full storyKathy Griffin Says She Wants To Date Jesse James
WEST HOLLYWOOD - The star of My Life On The D-List, Kathy Griffin, has told Barbara Walters that she wants to date Mr. "TattooGate" himself Jesse James. Griffin said that she is still somewhat heartbroken over being dumped by Sarah Palin's ex-futu...
Read full storyAlex Reid and Katie Price Invite Peaches Geldof To Vacation With Them In Cabo San Lucas, Mexico
LONDON - Alex and Katie have invited Peaches Geldof to vacation with them down in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, so that she can get away from all of the negativity she has experienced lately. Alex said that he has known Peaches ever since she was just a...
Read full story"Drill Baby Drill" Energy Policy or RNC Night Out?
The mainstream media and cable news channels reported two stories last night with the same caption: "Drill Baby Drill". As President Obama announced a program for drilling off shore which was in direct opposition to his stand on the issue in the...
Read full storyRicky Martin wants Terrell Owens for 'Dancing With The Stars' and Claims: 'I Am Not a Spitter'!
Embracing the current trend in journalism where news whores and hasbeens strive mightily to get their Hollywood stars etched on the gutter outside Grauman's Ricky Martin announced his choice for a dance partner. "Terrell and I have so much in common;...
Read full storyEdinburgh IT consultant and colleagues unable to work because of the Susan Boyle fans antics
An Edinburgh man is recovering his composure after an episode of pure farce. A great fan of thespoof and Twitter he was amazed to find Tweets this morning about spoofs his mother had written. "I didn't realise what I was doing when I taught mum...
Read full storyTaylor Lautner Loses His Head!
I guess it happens to all of us at one time or another but maybe not to this degree. As reported recently, the Madame Tussauds Wax Museum in New York City near Times Square, had Robert Pattinson's clothes stolen and now Taylor Lautner has lost his...
Read full storyUnderwear City to open in New York City
United Underlovers announced today that they have funded the expansion of specialty retailer Underwear City who is opening a large underwear boutique in Times Square where the need is the greatest. Underwear City is a purveyor of underwear for...
Read full storyGoogle and Yahoo in bidding war over TheSpoof.com
Redmond, WN. Microsoft has pulled out of the race to purchase TheSpoof.com, the news-like-it-should-be web site, after bidding five hundred million dollars to grab the marginal Internet upstart. Steve Balmer, important person at MS, made a bri...
Read full storyDictionary Adds New Words and Definitions to Dictionary: Obamanation and Cuff
In its relentless desire to clog our over taxed brains with new words Webster's Dictionary added the word obamanation. The first definition of the new word is 'a democracy whose power is filibuster, veto, vote, and discussion proof and whose fiscal a...
Read full storyIt Would Be a Well-Hung Parliament Without Brown
Gordon Brown, who has the smallest penis in political history, today described his fears that a well-hung Tory government would outsize him in a dick measuring contest. He stated that if neither party could produce the goods when it mattered, pol...
Read full storyAirplane Drops Helping New England To Dry Out
The same airplanes that are used yearly to put out the flames in San Francisco area during the summer are now busy dropping sponges in the waters of the Northeastern United States. Their commander known only as "Bob" with his big fireman pants say...
Read full storyWhite Guy Doesn't Say "N" word, Apologizes Anyway
New York- A visibly shaken Caucasian male took to Facebook, Twitter and YouTube today so that he could profusely apologize for not saying the "N" word. "I'm disgusted with myself," reported Timothy Johnson, a convenience store clerk putting himse...
Read full storyOff-the-Wall Street: Money Never Weeps premieres next week
Hollywood - (Crocodile Tears): A new movie about the fall of Ponzi scammer Bernard Madoff tells the story of his last 24 hours before failed Lemon Brothers bankers grassed him up to the FBI. It will premiere next week at a new Manhattan cinema com...
Read full storyKatie Price to Launch Own Paper
Katie Price the balloon boobed Greek basher is not happy at her lack of press exposure. She is so pissed off she has decided to launch her own broadsheet newspaper. Titled 'Katie Price'd at 75 pence' it will go out 7 days a week with a special ev...
Read full storyTwilight New Moon Special Edition DVD Will Have 2 Hours Of Actors Talk
A special edition of the first Twilight New Moon is scheduled to be released later in the Spring that will have practically all of the actors from the movie in great interviews. "The actors get tired of seeing all the crazy things on the web and i...
Read full storyTheSpoof April Edition: All Stories Posted are TRUE
Quite an unexpected shock to editor-in-chief, Mark Lowton at TheSpoof.com, but all posted stories from his field reporters as of April, 1, 2010 are now true. Normally known for its wit and satirical wisdom for news and strange events from around t...
Read full storySusan Boyle and the case of the vanishing birthday present
Mystery surrounds the disappearance of a valuable birthday present given to the Scottish singer Susan Boyle. The jewellery, apparently, was missed by Miss Boyle as guests at a secret birthday party left a Japanese hotel. Miss Boyle's security team...
Read full storyTetanus shot for Maradona's dog
Scottish hate mobs filled the streets of Glasgow last night demanding the head of Bela the Shar pei. Speaking through an interpreter, ring leader Hamish McTrossack said: "Maradoana is a national hero here in Scoatland. That duig should be castrati...
Read full storyBelgium launches first rocket into space
Belgium has become a member of the elite space club today, when it launched its first rocket into orbit around the earth. The space mission is seen as an important step in the European Space Program's efforts to seek out extraterrestrial life. T...
Read full storyObama in body double drama
Sydney, Australia. US President Barack Obama has suddenly and surprisingly arrived in the country for a visit. People were astonished at Kingsford Smith Airport to see the 44th President of the United States coming through Customs wearing nothing...
Read full storyRicky Martin hopes to on tour with Cheryl Cole as backup dancer!
Ricky Martin is set to be joining Girls Aloud former bandmate Cheryl Cole when she goes on tour later on this month. Ricky is said to have pleaded with Cheryl to be part of her entourage but she had other ideas of her own! Shrieked Chezza: 'Why...
Read full storySomewhere over the Rainbow and the Pie Mystery
An amazing 20% of people questioned about the famous song Somewhere Over The Rainbow from the Movie The Wizard of Oz think that the first line of the song lyrics are "Somewhere, over the rainbow, weigh a pie". Professional Darts Player Andy Smith...
Read full storyMystery of the Dead Scientist
A scientist was found dead in his laboratory this morning in mysterious circumstances. Professor John Fraser who had been working on trying to establish the existence of other dimensions of time and space, was found on the floor looking like he had a...
Read full storyBrown & Darling Arrested after UK national debt doubles
Gordon Brown and Alastair Darling,were both arrested by detectives from Scotland yard in the early hours of this morning as Britains National Debt is set to pass 2 TRILLION POUNDS. Brown the former Chancellor, and Darling the current Chancellor, are...
Read full storyArsene Wenger apologises for fielding an English player
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger, last night offered his sincerest apologies after inadvertently fielding an English player in the Champion's League match against Barcelona. The erroneous event happened in the second half when Wenger bought on substi...
Read full storyGold Meteorites land in Ireland
In the early hours of this morning hundreds of Gold meteorites landed in the small town of Carlingford in Ireland. It was only in the light of day when examined by experts, that it was discovered the meteorites recovered so far are solid gold. Mos...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart argue as Pattinson retires from Acting
Robert Pattinson has sensationally announced today that he is retiring from acting as he is fed up with the attention fame has brought him since he appeared in the Movie Twilight. Pattinson said today "I would rather go out and get pissed, I am no...
Read full storyBlackpool Tower to be Moved to London
The Blackpool Tower is to be moved to London today because London is a bit warmer than it is in Blackpool. There has not been a summer in Blackpool for years now,long hot sunny days are a thing of the past as Global Freezing continues to bite. Whi...
Read full storyLoch Ness Monster discovered in block of ice
The Loch Ness Monster has been discovered frozen in a block of ice in Loch Ness today. After the severe winter in which the entire Loch froze over scientists only recently were able to get back and continue their search for Nessie. Scientists are...
Read full storyGordon Brown to be first Prime Minister in Space
Gordon Brown is to be the first Prime Minister in space it has been announced today. Brown is desperately trying to do something to try and win the next General Election, as his popularity is lower than a champion limbo dancer. Brown will have to...
Read full storySpecial Darts for Left Handed Dart Players
New Darts have been created for left handed dart players which may give them an advantage over right handed players it has been announced today. LH Darts of Portsmouth, have developed new darts after years of research, and now left handed players...
Read full storyFlying Saucer Lands on Wimbledon Common
In the early hours of this morning April the first 2010, a silver coloured Flying Saucer, 50 feet wide, with red glowing lights all round and a strange eerie humming noise landed on Wimbledon Common. Great Uncle Bulgaria the leader of the Wombles...
Read full storyMoon Power
Scientists have today announced that they have invented a new device that converts the light of the moon into energy that can be used to recharge batteries. The device that looks like a small radio with an aerial, picks up the energy from the moo...
Read full storyMichael Jackson's Heart was left in San Francisco
Even after his death you can't keep Michael Jackson out of the news, as sensational breaking news is just in today, that Jacksons heart was removed from his body after his death, and taken to a secret location in San Francisco and buried. A San Fr...
Read full storyIrishman arrested on Brooklyn Bridge this morning
Irishman Cillian Murphy known to his friends as Silly was arrested on the Brooklyn Bridge this morning as he was apparently trying to get everybody off the bridge. Silly was taken to the local police station for questioning as to why he was distur...
Read full storyGeordieland Nationalists Demand Independence
In the far North Of England near Hadrian's wall,in the land of the Geordie's known as Geordieland a new political party has sprung up The Geordieland Nationalist Party. Most Geordie's have been voting Labour for years, but many are now considering an...
Read full storyNo Honey this summer as bees all killed off during severe winter
Scientists today announced that all honey bees in the UK have been killed off due to the severe weather,the worst freezing period in over 100 years. It now looks like there is going to be no honey in shops this year. Once supplies already in super...
Read full storyGlenn Beck Says That Ricky Martin Should Be Gender Tested
NEW YORK CITY - National TV Talk Show Host Glenn Beck stated on his TV program that the ex-Menudo singer Ricky Martin should be gender tested now that he has come out of the Queen Elton John Honorary Closet. Beck said that he has always felt that...
Read full storyNadine Coyle, Cheryl Cole, and Kimberly Walsh To Appear On "The Vampire Dairies"
HOLLYWOOD - The producer of The Vampire Dairies Manolo Middlezuck has stated that three members of Great Britain's all-girl band Girls Aloud, Cheryl Cole, Nadine Coyle, and Kimberly Walsh, have agreed to appear on the hit vampire show. Middlezuck...
Read full storyCalifornia District Court Ruling Clears Way for Satire-fueled Lawsuits
In what was hailed as a landmark decision, the US District Court for the Central District of California, Los Angeles, decided in the case of Shatner vs. Buttick, that the use of satire is a form of assault that can cause immeasurable harm to an enter...
Read full storyThe Punk Band 'March Madness' Sues The NCAA Over Use Of Their Name "March Madness"
SEATTLE - The Seattle punk band March Madness has filed a $9.3 million name infringement lawsuit against the NCAA March Madness Basketball Tournament. Attorney Alice Swankston-McMule for the Seattle band said that her clients have been using the n...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson, Jesse James, and Ricky Martin To Star Int "The Three Musketeers - A Gay Blade and Two Straight Ones"
HOLLYWOOD - Lionsdoor Pictures in association with Cripple Creek Pictures has announced that Robert Pattinson, Jesse James, and Ricky Martin have been signed to appear in the Monteverdi Brothers production of The Three Musketeers - A Gay Blade and Tw...
Read full storySarah Harding of Girls Aloud - A Very Intimate Secret Revealed
LITTLE SANDY, England - Girls Aloud member Sarah Harding was in Little Sandhurst visiting an aunt, Dandelion Wannabirkin, who only yesterday gave birth to septuplets. The seven babies are doing fine and are presently identified as: me first, me se...
Read full storySandra Bullock Isn't Acting: "'TattooGate' Has Effen Destroyed My Marriage!"
AUSTIN - Sandra Bullock sits in the backyard deck of her Texas mansion and remarks that she is tired of acting like the good little wife. The slim and trim Bullock has stated that she is sick of hearing all about tattooed labia majoras, greasy mo...
Read full storyNew Anti-aging Cream Soon To Be Available
"Avlong", the well known door-to-door cosmetics firm has announced that it will very soon be adding a new Anti-aging cream to the pages of its catalogues. "This cream is the miracle both women and men have been waiting for," stated Avlong's spokesperson, I.V.E. Gotcha from her office in India. When asked what the ingredients of this 'miracle cream' were, I.V.E. Gotcha said she wouldn't relea...
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