Scottish hate mobs filled the streets of Glasgow last night demanding the head of Bela the Shar pei.
Speaking through an interpreter, ring leader Hamish McTrossack said: "Maradoana is a national hero here in Scoatland. That duig should be castratied, heed-butted, killed and dismembered for giving her owner a fat lip.
"Can you gee'us a fiver till Tuesday?" he addied.
By contrast, medics in Buenos Aires were frantically attempting to save the life of the lovable wrinkly three-year-old hound.
Chief veterinary surgeon, Juan Belgrano said: "While Maradona is revered here in Argentina, we must, as doctors, try to preserve life wherever possible.
"We have given Bela a massive tetanus boost to counteract any toxins that are always a risk when biting the national hero in the face, and all we can do now is wait."
Short, fat, cocaine-abusing, gun-toting, ill-tempered, spawny, alcoholic, Napoleon-syndrome, cheating football legend Maradona was admitted to hospital for emergency reconstructive surgery to his upper lip which required 10 stitches.
Commenting on the surgery, a bloke who thought he was quite funny said: "It seems wonderfully ironic that Maradona will now have a stiff upper lip to rival that of the most patriotic of Englishmen."
A campaign is already under way to save Bela from being destroyed under the dangerous dogs act (1976).
At Westminster, an emergency meeting was called to discuss which plinth in Trafalgar square the statue of Bela the cuddly, playful Shar Pei should stand in perpetuity.
