English county Essex sold to Holland
The English county of Essex has been sold to the Netherlands, it has emerged. Essex, infamous for it's reputation for drunken problems, speeding and loud mouthed women, has had it's entire assets including half of the Dartford Bridge sold to a Dut...
Read full storyGazza visited by Three Spirits and an Angel
No. He wasn't drunk or crackers when he made this strange announcement,at least not at the start. Today. Paul Gascoigne appeared on the morning programme 'Pass My Breakfast Over' and shockingly revealed he was visited by Three Spirits and an Angel...
Read full storyThe Cleveland Cavaliers Have Been Sold To China
CLEVELAND - Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert has confirmed that he has sold his team to a Chinese National bamboo investment group from Shanghai, China. The sale price was not revealed but CNN's Rick Sanchez said that he spoke to 7 foot 3 inc...
Read full storySpoof Writer Brings Tear to Critic's Eye... Almost
NEW YORK CITY, NY - If there was ever something nearly worth crying about, but not quite, this is it: "Frustrated spoof writer turned down by The Onion decides to write for TheSpoof.com." One of the Internet's leading sources of never-ending onli...
Read full storyWest Lothian Town Council Ready To Evict Susan Boyle
West Lothian, UK - West Lothian, the town that nutured Susan Boyle through childhood to the point where she became an international singing sensation and Britain's Got Talent celebutant, is very proud of her. But they're also getting ready to evict h...
Read full storyLost Spoof specialist Monkey Woods abducted by aliens?
Ever since Spoof expert Monkey Woods dared to spoof about a certain Air France airliner being abducted by aliens, there has been no sign of life from him on planet earth! Reading his spoof, Jaggedone one thought it was certainly, on the edge and r...
Read full storyMichael Jackson renames himself 'the Albert Steptoe of pop'
As pop singer Michael Jackson's plastic surgery started to unravel itself, and as the unnatural chemicals made the star age visibly almost overnight, he revealed to the world's press that he was changing his name to 'Albert Steptoe'. Albert Stepto...
Read full storyDavid Carradine's Death Increases Rope Sales At Adult Shops.
(Los Angeles-CA) As more facts emerge from the Bangkok medical examiner's office regarding the death of "Kung Fu" and "Kill Bill" star David Carradine, a trend is developing at adult shops in both New York and Los Angeles. The sale of nylon rope has...
Read full storyDavid Carradine assassinated by unemployed Ninja, Kwai Chang Caine
At 2:30 a.m. Thursday morning, Thai police were called to the hotel room of American actor, David Carradine. Mr. Carradine was apparently killed from an overdose of grasshoppers. Every orifice of Mr. Carradine was stuffed with landlubber grasshop...
Read full storyBabies Or Monkeys? The Debate Hots Up
Following on from a TV documentary which depicted American couples who prefer to adopt monkeys to children, the British Baby Company (BBC) has lashed out with a stinging critical left hook at the monkey supporters. "What these people are doing is...
Read full storyDoes A Rope Make It Better? Was It Worth It For Carradine, Hutchence And Milligan?
Meeting in London today, the world masturbation council held a minute's silence for actor David Carradine, who is believed to have perished in a masturbatory incident gone wrong, after his body was discovered in a Bangkok hotel wardrobe with a strate...
Read full storyParis Hilton Found New BFF: Osama Bin Laden
New York, NY - Paris Hilton has previously announced that she will be filming her newest reality TV show around various places in Europe, and newly announced this morning: Afghanistan. Hilton said that she is not worried about the status and treatm...
Read full storyKop Kredit Krunched
Soccer giants Liverpool FC are facing financial ruin following the failure of the club's owners to service high levels of debt. American pair, Hicks and Gillet, who haven't enjoyed the best of business relationships are reportedly dragging the clu...
Read full storySusan Boyle, Adam Lambert, & Gilles Marini To Record "The Runnerup Song"
BEVERLY HILLS, California - Simon Cowell, owner of 19th Hole Productions has said that he will be producing a single which will be recorded by the runners up of "Britain's Got Talent," "American Idol," and "Dancing With The Stars." Cowell said he...
Read full storyBeleaguered PM embroiled in expenses scandal
Just when Gordon Brown might have been forgiven for thinking things could not get any worse the under pressure Prime Minister has along with several others been embroiled in the expenses scandal. I can exclusively reveal that on top of his £64,76...
Read full storyNew Home Secretary Peter Saintson denies he wants his boss's job
As Cabinet Ministers resigned one after the other, in a remarkable impersonation of rats leaving a sinking ship, the new Home Secretary Peter Saintson denied he wanted his boss's job. 'No, no, not me', he said, 'absolutely not, perish the thought!...
Read full storyThe Westminster Muppet Show
[opening music] Kermit the Frog: Good evening, ladies and gentleman, and on tonight's Westminster Muppet Show we have a host of stars, with all sorts of iffy haircuts, we have so many stars that - Heckler1: Get on with it! Kermit: Yes, but - Heckler2: I don't pay my taxes for this second-rate stuff! Heckler1: You don't pay your taxes! [laughter] Kermit: OK, let's move on, then. P...
Read full story'Dr Hamlet and the Daleks' opens in London to rave reviews
In a radical reworking of Shakespeare's play Hamlet, theatre director Sir Henry Dumdowne cast television actor Jude Tennant as Hamlet, and added a more modern touch to the tragedy about the Prince of Denmark. Hamlet now speaks his famous 'To Be Or...
Read full storySir Alan Sugar takes on Prime Minister
Alan Sugar will be standing in as Prime Minister and has vowed to 'hire and fire' where necessary. The Hackney born and bread selling barrow boy was first asked by Gordon Brown to be the enterprise tsar in the cabinet reshuffle but has now changed si...
Read full storySusan Boyle elected to Blackburn Council in local elections
In what has turned out to be a shock result, 'Britain's Got Talent' finalist Susan Boyle has been elected to Blackburn Council in the recent local elections. The two most surprising elements to this shock result have been that 1) Susan hadn't gone...
Read full storyDavid Carradine Botches Audition For New Celebrity Reality TV Show
Bangkok, Thailand - Sources reveal that David Carradine's alleged death by auto-erotic asphyxiation was actually an audition for a new celebrity reality t.v. show to be sponsored by a leading sexual performance drug manufacturer. The series, tenta...
Read full storyDemocracy under threat
The results of the local elections were reported to be decided in advance by Simon Cowell it was announced by a shocked Alistair Darling - with his arm round Gordon Brown who was unable to speak himself because he was so shocked. The discovery o...
Read full storyThe singing of Nessun Dorma to be banned from Britain's and America's Got Talent!
Britains Got Talent, America's got Talent, X factor, American Idol and all talent shows know to man have banned the singing of the opera choon Nessun Dorma. After complaints from the snooty world of opera. Nessun Dorma loosely translates into Eng...
Read full storyNew research confirms that laughter evolved in a common ancestor to apes and humans
Scientists in England today today confirmed that apes and humans both have a common sense of humour, inherited from a common ancestor. Firstly, researchers played idiotic, unintentionally funny soundbites made by American Presidents to 22 baboons...
Read full storyRevealed: Gordon Brown is a terminator
It was revealed today that the British Prime Minister Gordon Brown is in fact a cybernetic organism (living tissue over a metal endoskeleton). He was sent by Scottish resistance to terminate England and set Scotland free once and for all. The plan...
Read full storyGirls Aloud consider posing nude
Its the news men all around the World have been praying for.Well sort of,they haven't accepted it yet. In a bid to crack America, Girls Aloud have said they might pose naked for a high ranking men's magazine, after being made a lucrative offer. Gi...
Read full storyRats debate what to do over sinking ship
Stories are emerging of a fierce debate raging amongst a colony of rats aboard the HMS Britain, a ship recently stricken by storms and now badly keeling to one side. The key concern centres upon the position of the King Rat, known to many simply as...
Read full storyBrown to Fight On Despite Cabinet Resignations
rime Mincer Gollum Brown has insisted that he will 'get on with the job', following the shock resignation of another Cabinet Minister last night. Work & Pensions Secretary James Purnell issued his sensational announcement within moments of the...
Read full storyOctomom Names Bob Barker as Father
The infamous Octomom, announced today on the "Dr. Phil" show that the father of her eight babies is former game show host, Bob Barker. "He had me from 'Come on Down!'" announced Octomom, her lips swollen from plastic surgery like Angela Jolie afte...
Read full storySportstars Start Blaming Jesus Christ for their Failures
Top athletes have offered all the praise and glory to God almighty and junior JC for made foul shots, touchdown passes and homerun balls for years now. A new trend has created a disturbance in the religio-sporto community. Competitors in athletic eve...
Read full storyPetula Clark Visits Boy George - Inmate #74316869
LONDON - Boy George is presently incarcerated at The Petula Clark Prison For Blokes in London. Petula Clark, who is the most successful British female recording artist of all time, recently paid George Alan O'Dowd a visit. Miss Clark, 76, sai...
Read full storySearchers of Air France 447 Find Man Floating On A Bag Of Coconuts
Atlantic Ocean - Mysteriously today, the searchers for the downed Air France flight 447 Airbus 330 came across a man drifitng aimlessly on top of a sack filled with coconuts. Although in obvious poor health but with a good tan, the man, Henri Crut...
Read full storyBrown meets Obama In Top Secret Summit
Beleaguered British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, met up with US President Barack Obama this morning in a bid to consider future career options. Both men's images have taken a serious battering recently, especially since Brown declared himself 'not...
Read full storyExpenses Row as Blears joins Big Brother and claims 2nd Home allowance
London: Disgraced MP Hazel Blears, who yesterday quit the government as Communities Secretary as it emerged she might have made £80k profit at the expense of UK taxpayers, was involved in further turmoil as she joined the rest of the house-mates as t...
Read full storyJellyfish crop circle 'an occult warning' for P2 Lodge Grand Master Licio Gelli
Wiltshire - (Satanic Ass Mess): As he rots in his Rome maximum security prison cell, seething with rage that badass nephew George W Bush failed to deliver on that free-get-out-of-jail-card the P2 Lodge's Grand Master Licio Gelli is gobsmacked by the...
Read full storyShades of Michael Hutchence in David Carradine closet sex game death?
Bangcock, Thighland - (WTF? Sordid Ass Mess): "He chose to auto-eroticise in a frickin' blacked-out hotel closet? ...Like, that's a secret code-word for 'gay' maybe??...Tied the frickin' ropes round his dick and neck himself? Case closed, no othe...
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