The infamous Octomom, announced today on the "Dr. Phil" show that the father of her eight babies is former game show host, Bob Barker.
"He had me from 'Come on Down!'" announced Octomom, her lips swollen from plastic surgery like Angela Jolie after a prize fight.
"And I knew he was fertile because he womanized all the models on The Price is Right. I especially loved him when he played 'Pick-a-Pair' with the hottest-biggest-fake-boobed assistant in a push-up bra. Which reminds me - I have fake boobs. Want to see them?"
"But Octomom," Dr. Phil responded, scratching his bald head with his eyes fixated on the cleavage of her push-up bra, "Bob Barker is 83-years-old - I'm only 58. What are you going to tell your children when he's dead before they graduate from elementary school?"
"And I just loved the way he could spin that big wheel," continued Octomom, "Sometimes when he'd spin it, it would go around more than six-point-nine times and that's what it was like doing it with him over and over - we must have done it least eight times the night we met! Thank God for Viagra and Ginkgo Biloba cocktails!"
"Earth to Octomom," said Dr. Phil, no longer fixated on Octomom's boobs, "The father of your eight children is a disgraced 83-year-old-unemployed-sexual-harassing ex-gameshow host who won't pay child support because he denies fathering your octuplet children."
"Not only that," continued Octomom, "He's the father of my five kids before these last eight. That makes him father of thirteen out of my fourteen children!"
At that point Octomom rushed off to her next interview on the "Jerry Springer Show", where Jerry revealed the DNA results of the Octomom's first child, which turned out to belong to a transsexual who lives as a woman.
Octomom praised her ex for having almost as much plastic surgery, then things got really out-of-hand when her sheness introduced Octomom to her/his new boy friend, Bob Barker. A fight ensued and Barker was rushed to the hospital after Octomom racked his balls with one of her fake boobs while trying to rip her exes' top off.
Barker has reportedly been resting comfortably, but harrassing the nurses of Hollywood Hospital where he's recovering after surgery.
"I've never been so sexually harrassed in all my life," said a head nurse who asked to remain anonymous, "And worst of all, he keeps insisting on a bath, a catheter, a warm-water enima, a hot dog, and some pudding. I'd rather wash his swollen balls then know what perverted things he wants to do with that hot dog and pudding."
