David Carradine assassinated by unemployed Ninja, Kwai Chang Caine

Funny story written by KRS

Friday, 5 June 2009


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David Carradine

At 2:30 a.m. Thursday morning, Thai police were called to the hotel room of American actor, David Carradine. Mr. Carradine was apparently killed from an overdose of grasshoppers.

Every orifice of Mr. Carradine was stuffed with landlubber grasshoppers, a species normally limited to the Midwestern states of Kansas and Nebraska, in the U.S. This curious piece of evidence has motivated Thai authorities to place a call to retired Las Vegas Nevada CSI Supervisor, Gil Grissom.

When contacted by this reporter, Grissom said, "This is fucking cool. Merging a hot current TV show with a hit from another network thirty five years ago...with bugs, drugs and porn? Here's a story line made to capture the attention of all segments; the pervs, the nerds, the feng shui wackos and the animal planet spooks - that's the entire fucking planet, dude!" "Serious green, man."

Canvassing of the 12th floor of the hotel, where Mr. Carradine was last seen trading "Thai Sticks" and watching Thai kiddie porn on the twelve plasma screen TVs he had the hotel install in his room, led to miscellaneous reports of overheard pan flute like sounds coming from the area around Mr. Carradine's impromptu hotel room apothecary and adult video theater.

When shown mugshot logs of possible suspects, hotel patrons identified long unemployed ninja, Kwai Chang Caine, whose last known address was Universal City, California. A hotel resident from an adjacent room saw what he described as a "really really hot tall blond with what looked like a dry milk moustache" near the elevator a few hours before police were called. As yet, the woman has not been identified, but Thai police are strip searching and examining all blonds taller than four feet.

CHPs Commissioner, Llewellyn Pocharella has issued an APB for Caine on the sets of "The Brady Bunch, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and The TeleTubbies." When asked of his confidence of a speedy apprehension, Commissioner Poncharella replied, " Yo gringo, like how long did it take us to get O.J.? I've let all my boys in the barrio know that I have set a bounty of (2) 1962 Chebbies with some bad ass hydraulics and amplification enough to resurrect the Virgin of Guadalupe!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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