Written by Khadija

Friday, 5 June 2009

image for The singing of Nessun Dorma to be banned from Britain's and America's Got Talent!
This horse is banned from trampling his owner to death while snorting Ave Maria !

Britains Got Talent, America's got Talent, X factor, American Idol and all talent shows know to man have banned the singing of the opera choon Nessun Dorma. After complaints from the snooty world of opera.

Nessun Dorma loosely translates into English as "I wet the bed at night and then roll around in the damp sheets"; has been a talent show favourite for the last five years. Much to the disdain of serious opera goers.

One opera fan Dame Elsie Moneyfanny II said "I simply cannot abide the barage of fatties, freaks and friggin f*ckwits that use this beautiful song to fool the brain dead, twat-eyed, hoi polloi they are some-how opera singers"

Greg Pritchard, Paul Potts and Neal E. Boyd have all used the song to display their vocal talents which has replaced "'O sole mio" as the working man's opera song.

Gladstone Ballswinger from the 'Louisiana Bayou Opera House' added "The intelligentsia from the opera world, have finally banned the song from being performed in reality TV shows, talent shows, school productions and in front of anyone who has not paid more than $10,000 for their seat. Some people might say this is financial and social prejudice and they would be right."

Would be entertainers of America and Britain's got Talent, will be given a choice of opera songs which are permissible. On reading the lists contestants were outraged Dennis Sodmeyer, 23 an unemployed, unwashed, unloved and unemotional vagrant had this to say "I intended to perform in front of Sharon, David and the English Bloke singing 'Figaro' while eating cold pizza off the floor - like David Hasselhoff does, ya know. But the song is on the banned list. How will I ever be able to win the milllion dollars and get to Las Vegas now?"

Six year old Billy-lee-jones-tannay 7, said " I was going to to sing Caro Nome by Verdi, while playing with my kitten Hanson on the stage made of wood. I would have sung it nice and purty too, but the rich people gone done and banned ma song. I have been longing to do this since I was one....I'm sad and baby jesus is sad too"

Billy-lee-jones-tannay's mother Sami-sue-vera-duckworth-faye, 12 said "They gun and dashed a paw little girls dreamz, if she dont get to perform in Vegas. Shoot... she might as well go get herself pregnant and start havin some babies."

St John Hemmel Hemstead of Great Brighton Road, Surrey was unrepentant about the opera song ban."The lower classes have their rock n roll, musicals and disco songs. There is absolutely no need for them to gravitate to the highbrow world of opera".

"I recently watched Greg Pritchard singing Nessun Dorma on BGT. Although the filthy audience cheered his performance, he was actually singing about all the socks he had ever owned and reciting the names of the Osmond Brothers from youngest to eldest. The thicko common audience did not understand a word, but cheered like the pig ignorant buffoons that they are".

"No...... opera belongs to people who haven't got a clue what is being said, but can pay someone to translate, while they down champagne and burn their money in front of paupers" added the toff lighting his cigar with a wad of fifty pound notes."

Songs that are still on the list, are down to anything written by Andrew Lloyd Webber or Cher!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: singing




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