NEW YORK CITY, NY - If there was ever something nearly worth crying about, but not quite, this is it: "Frustrated spoof writer turned down by The Onion decides to write for TheSpoof.com."
One of the Internet's leading sources of never-ending online drivel, TheSpoof.com has recently become the home of Jonathan-not-so-Swift-come-lately, the so-called "San Francisco Onion." Since last December, the SFO has managed to dump more than 120 articles into TheSpoof.com's bottomless bullsh*t repository.
Start peeling The San Francisco Onion, and you'll find layer after layer of pretty much the same thing. While the topical and political satire shows promise, it smacks of The Onion - somebody must still be reading it online, because I thought The Onion pulled out of the San Francisco market. Unfortunately, they didn't pull out in time to stop the birth of this bastard publication. Is it too late to abort?
Furthermore, the San Francisco Onion seems to have gone out of its way to pre-fabricate many stories with the sole intention of racking up as many views as possible, writing about man boobs, genetalia, sensationalist tabloid fodder, etc. What has been the response to all this?
"I think they're a bunch of liberal wack-jobs, personally," says Leonard Skinhead of Lonestar, TX. "Real America haters. They must have a gay, a lesbian, a pothead, a communist, a socialist, a black guy, a Muslim, a Palestinian, a Mexican, an Oriental, a pervert, and an atheist all sitting in a room writing this crap, you know? And they make fun of Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter, too! Did I fight and die for my country so I have to read this crap?
"I do like the penis and vagina stories, though," he added. "They're alright, I guess."
The New York Times List calls the San Francisco Onion "a shameless ploy to capitalize on The Onion peeling out of the San Francisco and Los Angeles markets," noting that, "It's like reading The Onion through a greasy paper bag."
Wait! I'm sure they were just kidding! Please! Give us another story about the man with the world's largest penis and the woman with the world's largest vagina - just one more for me and Leonard! Purty please?
All kidding aside, folks, keep your chins up. The San Francisco Onion really isn't worth crying over.