The English county of Essex has been sold to the Netherlands, it has emerged.
Essex, infamous for it's reputation for drunken problems, speeding and loud mouthed women, has had it's entire assets including half of the Dartford Bridge sold to a Dutch company called "Itzaokweluv shizhols".
"I've now got to learn how to speak bloody Dutch now", said Kelly Anklewarmer, "I mean why? I can barely speak English, now I have to learn another one? bloody Dutch, they sound like idiots innit, they don't wanna come to Southend, I'll bottle em, piss me off"
Town names are also planned to be changed, Chelmsford is now going to be called "Chamsterdam" and Southend on Sea "Southijssel".
The toll charge in Dartford, Kent is now being upgraded with passport control for the new Dutch cizitens with Suffolk and Greater London following suit.