British Lions Rugby Player Gets Nutsack Ripped Off By South African
There was absolute mayhem here following the latest rugby match between South Africa and the British Lions. The British Lions, a team comprised of cauliflower eared egg chasers from England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales, who by valiant tradition re...
Read full storySwine Flu Mixing With Monkey Pox Could Lead To A World Of Shit
Swine Flu (also called swine flu, hog flu, pig flu , Potbelly Hog flu, Police flu and the heaving shits) is an infection of a host animal by any one of several specific types of microscopic organisms called "swine influenza virus" by those who like...
Read full storyVan Susteren Names Suspects In Jackson Murder Investigation
(AP)- According to Fox News host, Greta Van Susteren, new suspects in the murder case of Michael Jackson will be named within the next few days. Ms. Van Susteren, broadcasting her primetime cable news program On the Record live on location in A...
Read full storyQueue at Wimbledon does Moonwalk and gets into bloody fight
London, UK. The tennis tournament of Wimbledon was called of yesterday after three thousand tennis fans assaulted each other outside the South London stadium. Sixtyfour people were taken to hospital after a massive row in the Wimbledon Queue yesterd...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Tickets Misery - Ebay Responds
In a statement today, Ebay bosses have clarified the status of Michael Jackson concert tickets purchased through their website. "The sad news of Michael Jackson's death has left fans of the King of Pop bereft. eBay is committed to ensuring that it...
Read full storyNew Moon Rushed, Not The Classic Of First Twilight, Says Former Director Hardwick
Catherine Hardwick, who directed the first Twilight and was let go after being pressured by Summit Entertainment to get another one out as soon as she could. Now rushing "New Moon" may have come back to "bite" them on the ass. Hardwick wanted to d...
Read full storyFirst Jackson, then Dillinger, Now Capone Reported Dead!
Reports coming in from Chicago appear to indicate that Neapolitan born US crime kingpin Al Capone has passed away. In prison. Suffering from syphylis. Capone was implicated in the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre, which involved the slaughter of riv...
Read full storyThe 5-Minute Interview: Selena Gomez, Actress and Singer
Selena Gomez, 16, made a name for herself in the Disney Channel TV show "Wizards of Waverly Place". She has since appeared "Another Cinderella Story" (a believed sequel to Hilary Duff's highly-successful 2004 film "A Cinderella Story"), "Princess Protection System" and soon in the movie adaptation of the hit sitcom "Wizards of Waverly Place: The Movie". She is also a singer; her most successful so...
Read full storyLaporta Steals The Limelight; Signs E'too
Joan Laporta will not be outdone by perennial archrival Real Madrid. In a surprise move this morning, the Barça president signed Samuel E'too from Inter Milan in an effort to "steal the thunder" from tomorrow's predicted sellout crowd for the officia...
Read full storyJackson, Mays Conspiracy Probed
(AP) Los Angeles - The Los Angeles FBI office has confirmed it's joining the investigation into the mysterious death of famed TV pitchman Billy Mays and his connection with the late Michael Jackson, a pop singer. Mays was found dead by his wife Sunda...
Read full storyArkansas Folklore
If it is to believed that monkeys with typewriters could produce the entire works of Shakespeare or that an explosion in a printing works could form The Bible, then here's a new one for you… If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's...
Read full storyMILF delight for dyslexics
Dyslexics the world over are rejoicing in their discovery that for them a love of film transforms into a love of milf. Worldwide milf appreciation societies are springing up in further education centres, as adolescents who have struggled to read a...
Read full storyMichael Jackson's Body Missing!
Devoted fans reacted with shock today as it was revealed that the body of Michael Jackson has gone missing. Emotions ranged from utter disbelief to hopeful optimism as the news spread through cyberspace like a grease fire through a Popeye's Chic…
Read full storyMichael Jackson Double, Navi, On Suicide Watch
London, UK - Michael Jackson's double, Navi, the man who is considered to be the No. 1 Jackson impersonator in the world, is on a 'suicide watch' in 'The Priory', a private facility in London made famous when Susan Boyle lost her grip on things. O...
Read full storyPig Ugly Spanish defender Carlos Puyol says he won't wash his hair
Hideously ugly Barcelona defender Carlos Puyol has refused point blank to either cut of wash his hair in order to boost the image of Spain abroad. The lank-haired, fat-nosed deformed bastard cheat says that he gets a Samson-like extra boost from h...
Read full storyJohn Dillinger Dead
Sad news just in. Reports are saying that gangster John Dillinger, recently portrayed in a movie by pirate Captain Jack Sparrow is dead. It would appear that Dillinger was shot dead by FBI agents as he left the Biograph movie theater in Chicago, I...
Read full storyManchester City to sign Michael Jackson
The billionaire owners of Manchester City football club are set to swoop with a big money offer for the corpse of superstar entertainer Michael Jackson. Manager Mark Hughes said he thought Jackson would really held ticket sales and be a great link...
Read full storyMax Clifford told to stay away from Michael Jackson Funeral because he is a Bastard
Publicist Max Clifford has been warned to stay well away from the upcoming funeral of Michael Jackson because he is a useless, hateful bastard and nobody likes him. A representative from the Jackson family has been in touch with every sordid tablo...
Read full storyJamie Foxx says Michael Jackson was 'One of Us'
Jamie Foxx got on every bodies nerves last night at a black music awards show when he said that dead superstar Michael Jackson was "One of Us". People scratched their bouffant heads in puzzlement as they refused to accept that they too were freaki...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Funeral to Take Place in London for 50 dates
Promoters have announced their intention to hold a special 50-date 'Farewell Tour' in London where fans can come and watch their idol Michael Jackson's funeral. A spectacular spectacle has been planned with fireworks, smoke machines and all the ot...
Read full storySpoof Writer Runs Out Of Ideas
A prominent writer for satirical website, TheSpoof.com has openly admitted that he has finally run out of ideas. The writer, who we can't name here, because he is a witless Manchester United supporting buffoon, was allegedly at the very end of his...
Read full storyBill Clinton to Run Clinic for Political Adulterers
Former President Bill Clinton announced today they he is forming a counseling service and treatment facility for politicians who have behaved in what he termed "reprehensible sexual conduct of the sort I myself perpetrated, and then lied about, with...
Read full storyLisa Marie Presley Reveals Intimate Secrets About Michael Jackson
MALIBU BEACH - Lisa Marie Presley, daughter of the King of Rock and Roll Elvis Presley was married for two years to the King of Pop Michael Jackson. They were married in 1994, before a group of 100 family members and close friends. The wedding was…
Read full storyUFO's Continue to Taunt Lunatics
Roswell, NM - UFOs continue to taunt local nutbags without interference from government authorities despite mounting evidence. Randall Crane is one of these nutbags. "Them UFOs put flaming poop bags on my doorstep, then they flew away in their sa...
Read full storyThe Frigginest Fightin' Couple In Tennessee
KNOXVILLE, Tennessee - Virgil Bob and Kitty Lou Pennypicker were arrested on charges of assaulting each other using Cheetos. The first officer on the scene Sheriff's Deputy Bubba Bob Buckover, Jr., said that when he walked into the trailer everyt...
Read full storyThe Fight For The Custody of the Michael Jackson Children
Debbie Rowe was mother of the oldest two alleged Michael Jackson children, which were conceived by in vitro fertilization. An unknown surrogate mother carried the third child, and no details are known about her. Will these two women become the cu...
Read full storyNew Festish Sweeps Nation
Centerville, NT - A disturbing new fetish is sweeping the nation, something so radical it hasn't even been denounced by the Catholic church yet. A spokesman for Pope Benedict has confirmed that a papal decree banning the practice will be released as...
Read full storyQueen 5/4fav for Z-List celeb Cluedo watchers next demise
Ballybollox Castle, Scotland - (Royal Karmic Ass Mess): Queen Elizabeth is favorite to continue an action-packed week of celebrity deaths following the recent 'suicide' of singer Michael Jackson. Cluedo watchers have top-rated HM in the Z-List of...
Read full storyCon-genital valium deficiency behind Jackson the smack addict
Los Angeles - (ReUterus & Toxic Ass Mess): "How long can ya keep up this pethidine/methadone scrip fantasy?" was today's rant from Michael Jackson's smack dealer's attorney following pressure from the family to up-play Wacko's prescription meds n...
Read full storyStop Press : Smithson Disclaimer
Until a few days ago we had for years portrayed pop singer Monterey Smithson as a freak, who kept doctoring his face with plastic surgery and couldn't sing, and who hung around lots of very small children he had paid to have delivered to the secrecy...
Read full storyMissing banker's bullet-riddled body found near Windsor Castle
Windsor - (Rioters): The Queen has barricaded herself in Holyrood Palace's panic room following the discovery of missing Dutch banker Huibert Boomeester's gunshot-riddled body in Windsor Forest on Sunday. Ex-ABN Amro employee Boomeester, 69, worke...
Read full storyMichael Jackson takes top 5 spots
In a bizarre twist in the saga of the Michael Jackson story, and one that will please his creditors no end, Jacko will take the top five spots in the British Hit Parade when it is released this weekend. Early indications are suggesting that Billy...
Read full storyBee Dispute Settled
Both parties in the bee strike have come to a settlement that signals an end to the bitter dispute that has been ongoing since the winter. Prices of honey, raw nectar and pollen have increased dramatically since the bees downed tools after an influx...
Read full storyFrom Field to Plate
With the advent of "from field to plate" that consumers of consumables are now demanding of supermarkets, it has become necessary to indicate where food has come from, and keep a close eye on where it goes. Initially, this started with cows, who a...
Read full storyGrayhaired Black Justice League Converge on the Jackson Family Fortune- nately
Wherever there is a black person in trouble, a spotlight to be shared or a buck to be made you can count on the gray haired black Justice League to apopear. The Reverends Jesse jackson and Al Sharpton have thrust their often unwanted help into the mi...
Read full storyClerics Call for Crucifixthanasia
When Westminster met with Canterbury the Arches found that they could not agree on the Pope, or the Real Presence. The authenticity of Anglican ordination evaded them and divorce asnd remarriage was a challenge they couldn't meet. But on the sub...
Read full storyLion's Edward's: Is Rugby about Anal Penetration?
When South African Springboks flanker, Schalk Burger got involved with the flanks of Lion's wing Luke Fitzgerald, rugby lovers across the world raised the question of just how much anal penetration should be permitted in the rough asnd tumble of the...
Read full storyFarrah Fawcett - The Unreleased Motion Picture
HOLLYWOOD - Three years ago the original Charlie's Angels, Kate Jackson, Jaclyn Smith, and Farrah Fawcett filmed a full-length movie satirizing their television 70's show, Charlie's Angels. The movie was titled Charlie's Angels - The Original T &a...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Seen Alive In Las Vegas!
Las Vegas was in a stir Sunday night when Michael Jackson was spotted at Caesar's Palace and went fleeing from fans, "He's not dead!" "There he is, he's not dead. Michael Jackson is alive!" Next he was seen near the Bellagio where a lady...
Read full storyMan In The Mirror Caught In Compromising Situation
It's just been revealed, that the man in the mirror was photographed acting in a really weird way. When caught in a compromising situation, and photographed, the man in the mirror continued to believe that because he considered himself on a slight...
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