Van Susteren Names Suspects In Jackson Murder Investigation

Funny story written by Tommy O.

Monday, 29 June 2009

(AP)- According to Fox News host, Greta Van Susteren, new suspects in the murder case of Michael Jackson will be named within the next few days.

Ms. Van Susteren, broadcasting her primetime cable news program On the Record live on location in Aruba, stated that she has learned from her sources (likely Beth Holloway), that Joran Van der Sloot is currently under investigation by Los Angeles detectives for involvement in the death of U.S. superstar Michael Jackson.

Van der Sloot declined to comment. His lawyer, Deepak Kalpoe, stated that although his client was caught on security camera leaving a late night rehearsal in the company of Jackson, he was "in no way involved" in Jackson's mysterious death.

"My client is innocent," Kalpoe told reporters, "They had been drinking, like many young couples do, and made their way to the local beach. While my client inserted his fingers into Jackson's pants, the deceased passed out. After repeated attempts at resuscitation, Joran left Jackson on the beach to fend for himself.

"My client did not administer any of the drugs found in Jackson's system."

Natalee Holloway was not available for comment, while Joe Jackson mumbled something about "record company" and "Blu-Ray."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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