Great Britain To Be Renamed London
In a move welcomed by many, the government will vote today on the renaming of Great Britain. Possible suggestions on the list were Little America, America II and surprisingly New Birmingham, but yet again the capital centric government has seen sense...
Read full storyGrief stricken "Jacko" fans force Martin Bashir "Underground" into a "Bad" situation
London, England - Not since the global hit-man contract placed on the life of Indian-born Salman Rushdie for his book "The Satanic Verses" criticizing the Islamic faith has a Western journalist had to go underground, fearing for his life. And tha...
Read full storyAhmadinejad on Peace Mission
President of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, has today called for talks of friendship with the UK. Fearing a complete breakdown of diplomacy with the UK, the Iranian premier has suggested David Miliband, the UK Foreign Secretary, visit Tehran to ease gro...
Read full storyBilly Mays Killed by Stain that Won't Go Away
ORANGE GLO, FL - Superstar of the infomercial world Billy Mays was pronounced dead this morning at his home in Orange Glo, Florida. The shouting spokesman, 50, was reportedly trying to remove a particularly stubborn stain from his carpet when he s...
Read full storyProduct Pitchman Billy Mays Joins List of Dying Celebrities
Billy Mays, the 50 year old pitchman for such products as OrangeGlo and Oxyclean, was found dead in his Florida home this morning. Mays is the fifth celebrity to die in the past two weeks, joining David Carradine, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Mic...
Read full storyJackson and Farrakhan 'shielded by Cheney over 9/11'
Los Angeles - (AssoCIAted Mess): Former CIA stooge George Bush Tenet has told Jackson investigators that the singer and his Nation of Islam groomer Louis Farrakhan were protected by a Dick Cheney 'ring of steel' from prosecution over the 9/11 World T...
Read full storyI Want To Die With You Mandy On The Street Tonight In An Everlasting Kiss
An incredible statement made tonight by Burnley man Jimmy Jacket of Accrington Road, to his girlfriend Mandy Allsorts, also of Accrington Road. Mandy said: "Why does he want to die like that? It's not even like he's a good kisser. He's just ave...
Read full storyBanks: No More Bailouts
Since the Fall of 2008, bank revenue has plummeted on the back of foreclosures and rising credit card delinquencies. This Spring, Congress passed a law cracking down on arbitrary and excessive credit card fees, further pressuring banks to generate ne...
Read full storyElizabeth Taylor To Legally Change Her Name To Michael Jackson
BEVERLY HILLS - There is no celebrity in Tinseltown who was closer to Michael Jackson, aka "The Moonwalk Kid" than Elizabeth Taylor. The 77-year-old movie star says that her and MJ were so close that she feels that she could have easily been his b...
Read full storySpringsteen Bangs On More Than Even Skoob
Rock legend Bruce Springsteen overran his set last night at the Glastonbury Festival by a few minutes. But it cost organiser Michael Eavis a whopping £3,000 fine for violation of local by-laws. Unperturbed, Mr Eavis vowed to pay the fine, saying t...
Read full story"Canadians Have Infiltrated Our Government!"
Bourbon,Wi.-Wisconsin Senator Charlie McCarthy, has promised to hold hearings on his allegations that Canadians have "infiltrated all branches of the government of the United States" and are pushing their leftist agenda of universal health care. T...
Read full storyWaldoMarket Has Completely Sold Out Of Michael Jackson Bobblehead Dolls
LAKE CHARLES, Louisiana - WaldoMarket, the world's largest public retail corporation has announced that it has completely sold out of Michael Jackson Bobblehead Dolls. WaldoMarket Senior Vice-Assistant Executive CEO Caylee Shiloh Impelliterri said...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Family Sues MSNBC, FOXnews, CNN, and CNBC
The family of the late King of Pop Michael Jackson have collectively sued MSNBC, CNN, CNBC, and Foxnews. The news networks had given the Jackson family over 48 hours of uninterrupted news coverage, discussion, and exposure during the recent death of...
Read full storyBody of Michael Jackson Donated to Wax Museum
The body of the late King of Pop, Michael Jackson, will be donated to the famous Wax Museum of London after the funeral. Family spokesperson Janet Jackson revealed the reasons for this in a private interview outside of the family compound. "We t...
Read full storyMicheal Jackson's Hair looked really good at Autopsy
Doctors performing the autopsy on Michael Jackson have said that the dead stars' hair looked 'luscious' and 'full bodied'.This will be of some comfort to the family, who cherished Micheal s hair almost as much as his money. Jackson's hair was seri...
Read full storyAndy Murray mega-publicity scuppered by death of a certain Loony
Scumbag dailies have decided to ignore the "Great British White Hope" and recently ressurected Fred Perry by focusing their attentions on the death of another "Great White Hope". The constellation of the death of a certain "Loony" and Wimbledon co...
Read full storyMan City to sign all United's players
Manchester United are set to humiliate their arch rivals by signing every single one of Alex Ferguson's team. "Tevez was just the beginning", said an insider, "Rooney,Anderson, Giggsy, Scholes, Rio Ferdinand the whole lot of 'em are coming over to...
Read full storyUnbelieving Michael Jackson Family Requests Third Autopsy
The relatives of Michael Jackson, who refused to believe the results of the first and second autopsys have requested that a third one be performed. This one will be done at a different hospital by a different team of Medical Examiners. The family h...
Read full storyGary Glitter & other Paedo-Celebrities to act as replacement Tribute act at Jackson London Gigs
The 50-date London tour places left vacant by the sudden death of pop superstar Micheal Jackson are to be filled by a lineup of celebrities instead. Promoters AEG had been shitting their trousers at the prospect of losing t on all that easy cash s...
Read full storyThe SpUNk daily reveals relief of celeb/VIP hotels after the death of a certain Loony celeb!
After the death of a certain "Loony" celeb, luxury/VIP hotels are showing signs of relief the world over. The Daily SpUNk and its scumbag reporters curious to find out the reasons for this outburst of relief at losing one of its most famous inhabi...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Spotted In Tesco
There were extraordinary scenes in a West Midlands supermarket this morning, when Michael Jackson, the now-deceased King of Pop who died after a suspected heart attack in Los Angeles last Thursday, was spotted doing his shopping in Tesco. In just...
Read full storyPrince Philip Urges Britain To Abandon Monarchy
London, UK - HRH Prince Philip has made an urgent appeal that the British public 'give up on the monarchy' and become a republic. His remarks were made after his wife, Queen Elizabeth, had made an appeal for extra funding due to a shortfall of rough...
Read full storyScandal upon scandal rocks the NHS at its MRSA foundations!
The very cheapskate NHS has been rocked once more by an even bigger scandal than their recently reported cheap foreigner employment policies! What could be worse? MRSA, the killer bug, which takes care of more OAP's than Hitler ever did at Auschwi...
Read full storyAdam Lambert Gets Out Restraining Against Simon Cowell
According to the Bollywood Times, American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert has had to get a personal restraining order out against show judge, Simon Cowell and he claims he had a very good reason to do so. Lambert told the Times that Simon keeps poppi...
Read full storyDaleks and Ninjas collectively to sue French government
The General International Honourable Association of Daleks (GIHAD) and National Union of Ninjas (NUNS) are this week taking the French Government to the International Court of Inhuman Rights over what they see as slur on their respective races. Br...
Read full storyMichael Jackson concerts to go ahead despite singer's death
Michael Jackson's British tour agent husband and wife team, Joe King and Faye King, held a press conference this morning to confirm that Michael Jackson's proposed 375 night sell out tour of the O2 White Elephant arena in London will still be going a...
Read full storyMan visitin' zoo was Michael Jackson, say Tex-Mexans
ABILENE, TX - Visitors to the Abilene Zoo today were delighted by a secretive and mysterious out-of-towner described by many who come across him as "playful," "magical," and "sorta pasty-white." Some coulda even sworn he mighta been the Undisputed K...
Read full storyGovernor Mark Sanford Resigns To Star In A Remake of Sanford and Son
CHARLESTON - South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford caving in to pressure from South Carolina voters, his wife, fellow GOPers, Emeril Lagasse, and Shakira has decided to resign his governorship. The 49-year-old governor with the George Hamilton-look...
Read full storyKate Gosselin of Jon and Kate Plus 8 To Appear Nude in PlayMister
PHILADELPHIA - Kate Gosselin, of the TLC reality show Jon and Kate Plus 8 has just stated that she will be appearing in a nude photo layout in the next issue of PlayMister Magazine. The 34-year-old statuesque MILF told her best friend from high sc...
Read full storyNASA Bombs Moon - US Tired Of Bombing Humans
In a unique move away from normal American procedure, the US has decided to bomb a target not occupied by fellow human beings. A NASA space rocket has been sent to the moon to shoot a missile into a crater to allegedly see if there is any evidence of...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan: Ready To Marry Samantha Ronson?
Actress/singer Lindsay Lohan has said that she is "not ready to get married" yet, speaking about how many celebrities marry young. The former teen queen, who will turn 23 on July 2 and who just came back to normal girlfriend, DJ Samantha Ronson, t...
Read full storyDiana Ross Wants Custody Of Michael Jackson's Pet Chimp Bubbles
NEW YORK CITY - Diana Ross, of the 60s African-American trio known as Diana Ross and The Supremes has begged Macaulay Culkin for custody of Michael Jackson's beloved chimpanzee Bubbles. Earlier reports stated that Michael Jackson had left everythi...
Read full storyJaime Foxx and Gary Coleman To Star In The Michael Jackson Story
HOLLYWOOD - Universal Pictures has just signed Jaime Foxx and Gary Coleman to star in The Michael Jackson Story. Coleman will portray Michael from the ages of 9 through 21, and Foxx will portray Michael from the age of 21 on. Jackson's parents...
Read full storyMasturbating Monkey Inherits Neverland
The same media gossip mongers that drove Michael Jackson to his grave are reporting that early information about the Jackson will has Masturbating Monkey inheriting the Jackson Shangi-La. MM, media star almost as persecuted as MJ, refused to comment...
Read full storyPope Names Jackson, Monroe and Presley as Saints Martyred by the Media
Pope Benedict the 16th nominated a triumvirate of entertainment industry saints as martyrs to the bloodthirsty media. Benedict explained that all three suffered tremendously at the hands of media hounds who feed on the sensitive and the talented.
Read full storyObama to Ahmadinejad: Kiss my Big Black Salaam Aleikum
President select Ahmadinejad and his mullah mafia are doing their best to try and distract iranians from the stolen election. They have even nominated Mir Mousavi for the Nobel Peace Prize. Another of the ruses being played by the ruling class is the...
Read full storyGov Sanford Diagnosed with King David Complex
Philanderers when caught often admit to the unsightly little slugs that they are and then take their medicine like good fellas and wait till the wifey quits her Lysistrata. There is one brand of infidel that has been found to become more grandios...
Read full storyMore Media Coverage for Michael Jackson than 9/11
New York, NY - A research study conducted by the Kinsling Institute has proven that Michael Jackson's death has received more media coverage than 9/11. Scott Rieber, one of the journalists involved in the study, said, "You have to understand, more...
Read full storyMexico Welcomes Illegal American Immigrants after Cap and Trade Tax
Mexico City, MX: In a reversal of their immigration policy, the Mexican government now welcomes all illegal Americans who enter Mexico. Temporary housing will also be provided to the newcomers. Following the passage of the "Cap and Trade Tax" by t...
Read full storyiPods to Protect Against Bad Music
New York, NY - Amid reports that the next generation iPods will protect users' hearing by automatically adjusting volume, a lesser-known feature has been leaked to the media. According to an Apple employee who wishes to remain anonymous for her safe...
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