iPods to Protect Against Bad Music

Funny story written by Jordan Baugher

Sunday, 28 June 2009

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New York, NY - Amid reports that the next generation iPods will protect users' hearing by automatically adjusting volume, a lesser-known feature has been leaked to the media. According to an Apple employee who wishes to remain anonymous for her safety, new iPods will 'protect users from bad music.'

She went on to explain that this doesn't mean censorship against explicit lyrics--new iPods will actually delete bad songs after a set number of listenings. "For example," she said, "one might only be able to listen to Wham's 'Last Christmas' one time before it is automatically deleted."

Users are in an uproar over what constitutes bad music. For example, there have been rumors that iPod owners will be'protected' from entire genres of music, including rap and country music.

One iPod owner, Jimmy Starkes, was irate. "So if I buy these bad songs directly from Apple, and they get deleted after I listen to them once, that means I have to buy them every time I want to listen?"

Ted Kreegan, a market analyst, says yes. "This is basically going to amount to a tax on crappy music. People who are ignorant enough to like these songs are also ignorant enough to keep buying them. It's a brilliant move on Apple's part."

In other news, 50 cent has finally resigned from the music business and Apple's stock was up on the news.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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