In a move welcomed by many, the government will vote today on the renaming of Great Britain. Possible suggestions on the list were Little America, America II and surprisingly New Birmingham, but yet again the capital centric government has seen sense and ministers will most certainly pass the bill and from January 1st 2010, Great Britain will officially be known as London.
"When people from America ask about places in the UK, they always want to know the proximity to London, so we just thought it would make sense to call the whole country London", said Jack Straw, the new Secretary For Renaming Great Britain. "What is now the north of England will be levelled and turned into a car park, Scotland will be called New Barnet and will become one giant golf course and the whole of Wales will house a large retail outlet, possibly LIDL or ALDI. Northern Ireland residents will be given the chance to vote NO later in the year, but cash incentives may swing the vote to a YES. If this happens then Northern Ireland will be destroyed and replaced with a large doughnut so that American visitors feel comforted as they fly into London.
Some pressure groups are lobbying for more extreme measures. John Smith of the Traditionalists said, "This is all a waste of money, the government should just remove anywhere outside of the M25, just throw it away, no-one cares about it, move it as far away as possible or let the Spanish have it."
Whatever happens, Londoners are cheering. "First the Olympics, then the London Paper and now this", said a smug and well dressed toff called Monty or something. No it wasn't Monty it was Boris Johnson. "I think it's a good thing," he mumbled while eating a pie from the tuck shop etc...." Many people from outside of London will be shocked, but fu*k them, who cares about them?" he said.