ABILENE, TX - Visitors to the Abilene Zoo today were delighted by a secretive and mysterious out-of-towner described by many who come across him as "playful," "magical," and "sorta pasty-white." Some coulda even sworn he mighta been the Undisputed King of Pop - recently departed Michael Jackson.
"Uh cain't put words to it; there was just somethin' about 'im," drawled one man, asked how come he reckoned the hombre he'd seen was Jackson. "He was up on the bridge just a lookin' at the giraffe's eyelashes, as close as he could, like they was the most int'restin' things in the whole world. He had, I guess you coulda call't it sort of a air of wonder about him, almost like he was just a little bitty buckaroo er somethin'."
He says the man turn't around one time, but he hadn't figgered out it was Jackson yet. "He had a... I think it was some kinda bandage most likely, over 'is face, and sunglasses, with a hat on. His hair was kinda long like a hippie. He smiled at me; he was pointin' at the giraffe like, 'Look at this, y'all!' There was somethin' about when he smiled that I couldn't quite put my finger on, the way it kinda crinkled 'is face up like that at the corners that I almost reckonized, but I really didn't pay no mind to it right then."
A woman workin' in the souvenir shop says she did just happen to notice a "really nice guy, sorta effeminate like a homasexule, with rags draped over 'is face," purchase a pair of gloves bearin' the Abilene Zoo logo, then discreetly slip one of 'em behind a newspaper rack as he moseyed on out of the store.
"I recollect thinkin' that that was one of the strangest things I'd ever laid eyes on," she observed.
Another woman reckons she come across Jackson in chimp country.
"I was on my way to see the apes and such," she said, thinkin' back on it. "There was this real thin guy with a bunch of kids. He had dark glasses on and a veil er somethin'. He was talkin' to the kids, and just pointin' at the monkeys; the kids was lovin' it, laughin' and jumpin' around, watchin' 'em climb up and down the ropes."
She says she stopped to watch 'em fer jist a second, findin' the man's interactions with the childern "delightful." After a spell, the childern left the mysterious man from out of town, skippin' off gleefully, reportedly callin' back, "Bye, bye, Mister Pan!"
She says that's when the man turn't around and saw 'er lookin' at 'im.
Accordin' to 'er claim, at the very same time it "clicked" and she figgered out who he was, he sorta sneered, gazin' at 'er fer just a second before jerkin' 'is head away, droppin' it as he deftly moved the fingers of his left hand to the brim of his hat while 'is right hand was grabbin' fer 'is crotch. Then, he crouched down quicker'n a cow pissin' on a flat rock, turnin' silently into a black panther, and then, with a few restless flits at the tip of 'is tail, he high-tailed it outta that sumbitch, trailed by a fine mist of sparklin' gold dust.
We hear tell authorities are "mighty skeptical" of these fascinatin' accounts, possessin' a fair to middlin' idea they're false.
Taylor County Sheriff G.W. Wanderlust is reported to of said, "If these allegations turn out to be true, I'll kiss yer ass 'til yer hat flies off!!"
