An incredible statement made tonight by Burnley man Jimmy Jacket of Accrington Road, to his girlfriend Mandy Allsorts, also of Accrington Road.
Mandy said:
"Why does he want to die like that? It's not even like he's a good kisser. He's just average. I've kissed better. I don't think he's quite right in the head. I know he's had his problems, but dying in an everlasting kiss, probably outside some some dodgy boozer on Accrington Road, hardly floats my frigging boat. My sister Tracy always told me he was a waste of space. I bet he's had too much to drink and mooched over Bruce Springsteen vids on You Tube. The sad bastard. Anyway, I'm going out for a drink tonight with his brother Joe, who washes his feet from time to time."
We managed to catch up with Jimmy Jacket, who we found slumped over the bar in a local hostelry with his face in an ashtray. Once we'd revived him, he told us:
"Look, don't fuck me about or I'll knock your bastard lights out. I just thought it'd be right romantic to die with Mandy on the street tonight in an everlasting kiss. I were a bit pissed up when I thought of it. Alright? Anyway, she's off out with our kid tonight. And she were a right crap shag anyway. Good fucking riddance.."
The state of relationships in the Burnley area is currently reported as being parlous.
More Burnley related buffoonery as we get it.
