Perez Hilton - "More Popular Than Jesus"
Toronto, Canada - A photo of infamous celebrity blogger, Perez Hilton, getting hit in the face by a fist, has now become more popular than many of the iconic images of the twenty-first century, including pictures of a Mr. J. Christ, a.k.a 'The Anoint...
Read full storyCash For Clunkers - "Bring Me Your Faulty Commercial Passenger Jets"
Beverly Hills, CA - Used car dealer, Mark Lipbaum, also known as 'Crazy Mark', has an offer we think most people would agree with. He wants commercial airlines to trade in their passenger jets; the ones that are short on reliability. He's willing...
Read full storyGordon Bennet Hurt And Humiliated After London Trip.
Gordon Bennet, an American tourist from Hackensack, New Jersey today told journalists in his home town that a recent trip to London was a humiliating experience. "I wasn't made welcome at all," Bennet said. "I was in a pub and some guy spilled his...
Read full storyUN Called In As Speaker Election Result Queried
The United Nations has been called in to investigate election malpractice allegations following the election of a new speaker of the House of Commons. The allegations centre around the involvement of Lord Mandy of Dunspinning. He is thought to have b...
Read full storyThe F Network Signs "Bikini Girl" and Tatiana Del Toro To Their Own Reality Show
LOS ANGELES - The Fox Network, whose News Department proudly boasts that they are 'fair and balanced' (wink-wink) has just signed Katrina Darrell, alias "Bikini Girl" and Tatiana Del Toro, alias the "Eeeeeeee Girl" to star in their own one-hour reali...
Read full storyBNP to open membership to millionaire Darkies and the slitty of eye but not to Russell Brand!
In a bid not to be taken to court and thrown in the chokey or gaol - BNP leader Nick Griffin; no relation to Peter Griffin, but equally as corpulent has agreed to let all sorts of exotic people into his party, but has refused Russell Brand. Nick...
Read full storySimon Cowell Hates His Erections When Lambert Sings
American Idol's and Britains Have Talent's crankiest, most mean-spirited judge, Simon Cowell, has admitted to reporters outside of Hollywood's Massey's Theater that he has been in therapy for several weeks to deal with "My strange cravings while Adam...
Read full story"Keep It Brief" Speaker Tells MPs
The new speaker in the House of Commons has told MPs not to make long winded speeches. Speaking to an empty chamber John Cowbear said "If this place is to remain relevant then long speeches need to end." Many people find it strange that he is unaw...
Read full storySen. McCain undergoes an extreme electronics makeover; joins the 21st Century
Washington, D.C. - In an effort to update his imagine of the of the out of date old fashion tree stump thumping hickory stick carrying politician, Senator John McCain has taken heed to his political advisers as of late and joined the twenty-first cen...
Read full story'Sweet' Loretta Martin And Her Loner Friend Receive Suspended Sentences
Sacramento, CA - A confused trangendered woman named Loretta Martin and her friend, known only to the 3rd Appellate District of the California Court of Appeal as 'Jojo', have received suspended sentences following their appeal on a conviction of grow...
Read full storyStephen Baldwin High Tails It Off "I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here"
COSTA RICA - Actor Stephen Baldwin willingly left the reality show "I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here." Baldwin told Patricia Blagojevich, wife of ex-Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich that he had counted his insect bites and that he had 9,836.
Read full storyObama Shocks Nation - Announces War With Iran
Washington, D.C. - President Barack Obama shocked the nation today by suggesting it might be time to go into Iran and 'crack some skulls.' In a dialogue with the press corp in the White House, Mr. Obama made the following statement, "...It's not...
Read full storyMoscow Teen Who Invented A Way To Upload Her Breast Milk Wins Nobel Prize In Physics
Moscow - A Moscow teen, Svetlana Borskovicovich, who found a way to upload her breast milk to the internet, has been awarded a Nobel prize in physics. Said the Nobel committee, "...the ability for a female to upload their breast milk online and su...
Read full storyIt's Official - Jon and Kate Deflate and Head To Splitsville
WYOMISSING, Pennsylvania - After weeks of speculation, intimation, insinuation, and innuendo, the Gosselin's, Jon and Kate of the TV reality show "Jon and Kate Plus 8" have announced that they are divorcing. Jon said that he just got tired as hell...
Read full storyHarry Potter and the Plagiarist's Stone
'And that's how to turn lead into gold', Professor Dumblegrumble said, finishing his class on Extremely Unlikely Wizardry at Bogsnorts School for Squeks, 'class dismissed!', and the pupils dutifully trailed out of the classroom into the sunlight, to discuss what the professor had just taught them. 'I don't believe it works', said Melissa de Lissa, 'if you transmorgify lead it will only become t...
Read full storyThe Hokey Pokey - Shakespearean Style
O proud left foot, that ventures quick within Then soon upon a backward journey lithe. Anon, once more the gesture, then begin: Command sinistral pedestal to writhe. Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke. A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl. To spin! A wilde release from heaven's yoke. Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl. The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt Verily, I say, '...
Read full storyChris Brown Pleads Guilty, Headed To The Big House
LOS ANGELES - Singer Chris Brown, ex-boyfriend of Rihanna has pleaded guilty to assaulting the Barbados-born singer and inflicting injury to her lips, nose, forehead, ego, eyelashes, vocal chords, and personality. Brown has maintained that he did...
Read full storyEd McMahon Back With Johnny Carson
Ed McMahon has died according to a spokesman for the family. Ed was 86. Although Ed will be greatly missed here on earth, his friend Johnny Carson has been waiting for him just outside the pearly gates so Ed can introduce him to Saint Peter. That...
Read full storyStarface Tattoo Girl Admits She Did It For The Spoof
A girl who had 56 stars tattooed onto the left side of her face has finally come clean and admitted that she did it for The Spoof. Starface girl initially claimed that the tattooist had misunderstood her instructions, and said she'd fallen asleep...
Read full storyLydia Guevara signs $5 million naked Payboy! centerfold deal
New York - (Split Beaver & Ass Mess): Che Guevara's vegan temptress granddaughter Lydia is to pose starkers for the iconic Payboy! men's magazine. The $5 million deal will see the luscious Latina showcase her gorgeous taut suntanned body follo...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie And Brad Pitt To Star In Rogue Minutemen Biopic
Beverly Hills, CA - The story of Shawna Forde, the rogue Minutemen Civil Defense Corp gal who, acting as a defender of the U.S. border against illegal aliens, allegedly shot and killed Raul Flores and his daughter, is to be brought to the screen by H...
Read full storyFarrah Fawcett's copycat Goody nuptials
Los Angeles - (ReUterus): In what has been described as a classic Jade Goody copycat caper Charlie's Angels legend Farrah Foreskin is to marry her tempestuous long-suffering partner Ryan O'Neal. The couple have signed a multi-million dollar cable...
Read full storyIranian Vote Rigger Run Ragged Rigging Iranian Vote Rigging Campaign.
Ahma Gonnafixit the official Iranian vote rigger has had to go & lie down for a bit after a hectic vote rigging campaign left him tired and emotional. Ahma, known locally as "That guy we can't mention" is well known throughout Persia for his r...
Read full storySarkozy "Burks Not Welcome In France"
French President Nicholas Sarkozy has stunned the world by announcing that burks are not welcome in France. He is thought to have taken this hardline stance following meeting Gordon Broon and Barefaced Obama. "After meeting those two idiots Sarko...
Read full storyBercow moved from back row to Elected Chair!
John "The Syrup" Bercow has been elected to the chair of Mr.Speaker in the House of Commons to much applause. Unfortunately & somewhat ironically all the applause seems to be coming from the Labour benches? Bercow or Mr.Speaker as he likes...
Read full storyBeckham "Did Not Score With Hungarian" Claim
David Beckham definitely did not have a sexual relationship with a Hungarian model. Absolutely did not. Ever. It never happened. Get over it. Look, he's happily married. Ok, well he's married. And he did not have an affair with a Hungarian model call...
Read full storyBNP Face Legal Challenge
The British Nasty Party is to face a legal challenge. It has been alleged that their manifesto "I'll Punch Your Fucking Head In" may discriminate against nice, decent people. Terry Woolley of pressure group Liberals Against Many Extremists (LAME)...
Read full storyPresident Sarkozy bans the burkha
Despite protestations from Iran's President in Cheating, Hava Nodinnajaquet, President Sarkozy of France has banned the wearing of the Burkha in France. In a statement issued today, the President said that it was not permissible for French men to...
Read full storyGordon Brown Pleads Guilty to Rihanna Assault
LA, CA - British PM Gordon Brown avoided a jail sentence yesterday by pleading guilty to felony assault of singer Rihanna, in Los Angeles. Police were called to a rented Toyota Corolla after screams were heard, and the shamefaced PM was taken into po...
Read full storyShe's behind you
With Panto season fast approaching, producers at the Manchester Palace Theatre have decided to ditch the traditional Soap Star in Cinderella approach that has served them so well in the past and try for something more edgy and topical. Kerry Katon...
Read full storyRiot police prepare to bust heads as Khomenei, Ahmadinejad claim "Extra votes cast by Allah"
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - The Great and Holy Allah Himself met with Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei and President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad behind closed doors in the Iranian capital today. At a press conference after the meeting, Khamenei and Ahmadinej...
Read full storyHybrid Monster Becomes New Commons Speaker
MPs last night voted a hybrid monster the new House of Commons speaker. A Bear-Cow has been appointed to this important position. The creature is part bear and part cow. The animal shits in the woods and lies down if there is going to be a storm.
Read full storySarkozy Caught in Burqah in Moulin Rouge
One of the western world's most intolerant leaders in reference to the pollution of his native language, his wife's multiple lovers and the Islamic practice of wearing veils and head to toe coverings has been phone-photographed in full burqah in the...
Read full storyBo The "First Pooch" Bites Ann Coulter
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Obama family dog Bo reportedly bit GOP political commentator Ann Coulter. A White House maid, Shantell Shackleford, said that she saw Ms. Coulter bend down and pet Bo and when she thought that no one was looking she reached...
Read full storyDeep Throat Jealous of Deep Throat's Suck-cess
Deep Throat was a 60's sexploitation film that made millions for the mob and caused countless women to suffer from throat envy and numerous men to try and find their partners' clitoris in the neighborhood of ther larynx. Another Deep Throat was the p...
Read full storyNorth Korea Threatens '1,000 Fold Retaliation' To U.S. Meddling.
The North Korean military along with their sidekick Kim Il Jong threatened not just the United States but the entire western hemisphere with '1,000 fold retaliations' should we try to limit their nuclear development. This, coming from any other n...
Read full storyMan Wipes Hands on Pants, Infects 86.4 Million Cookies
DANVILLE, VA - Djene Pasquezanala says no one told him that if you don't wash your hands after using the bathroom, it's a recipe for disaster. Now, his employer will be forced to eat the cost of 300,000 cases of their popular Toll Booth Cookies whil...
Read full storyNorth Korea's Kim Jong Il Threatens To Fire A Missile At Jupiter
PYONGYANG, North Korea - The looney leader of North Korea Kim Jong Il has just notified Vice-President Biden via an email that he is getting ready to fire off a missile towards Jupiter. The leader who most say is somewhat touched in the head has w...
Read full storyRowling's Plagarism Suit Settled
New Forest, England-JK Rowling, writer of the Harry Potter series, and her publisher, have settled a lawsuit brought by the estate of a deceased writer, which claims she stole the idea behind her books from his own story about a wizard. The author...
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