In a bid not to be taken to court and thrown in the chokey or gaol - BNP leader Nick Griffin; no relation to Peter Griffin, but equally as corpulent has agreed to let all sorts of exotic people into his party, but has refused Russell Brand.
Nick Griffin 47 years and stone, who is the world's most famous mono-eyed bigot said yesterday " I will agree to let some darkies into the party but will restrict the membership to millionaires with good old fashioned British names and they must be able to display a good British accent - no johnny foreigner voices, squiggly languages, street talk or pattois. Trevor Macdonald , Leona Lewis, Don Warrington, Gary Wilmot, Moira Stewart and Lenny Henry were delighted with the news, but Meera Syal, Konnie Huq, Gina Yashere, Shaheen Jafargholi and David Yip were livid.
Shaheen Jafargholi 12, said " I think it is just mean to leave me out because of my john-john name when I sound like Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson, Diana Ross and Shirley Bassey and they can all join so why can't I?"
Nick Griffin however quickly made an ammendment " Under no circumstances can that hairy wanker Russell Brand join as he is clearly part bonobo ape and a hybrid bigfoot- we will extend the very very very very long olive branch out to a few select darkies, but we won't be stooping that low".
Moira Stewart and Trevor Macdonald alongside song and dance man Gary Wilmot will be the new window dressing for the BNP and they will each take it in turn to drive the BNP "Truth Bus" around the streets of 'ethnic' areas- recruiting other well spoken darkie millionaires.
A party will be held to celebrate the opening of the elite gates and entertainment will be provided by the "George Sanders Black and White Minstrels and the white guy with the blue eyes that blacked up and played a Sikh in "It Aint Half Hot Mum".
Russell Brand was unavailable for rationale comment