Riot police prepare to bust heads as Khomenei, Ahmadinejad claim "Extra votes cast by Allah"

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Tuesday, 23 June 2009

image for Riot police prepare to bust heads as Khomenei, Ahmadinejad claim "Extra votes cast by Allah"
Progress? Iran's riot police enjoy adrenaline rush of subduing citizens, like police in free countries.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - The Great and Holy Allah Himself met with Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei and President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad behind closed doors in the Iranian capital today.

At a press conference after the meeting, Khamenei and Ahmadinejad expressed Allah's regret at not being able to stay for questions, and assured the bloodthirsty crowd that they would "be glad to explain everything on His behalf, if everyone would just calm down a little bit please, please. Just a little bit, please.

"Thank you," he continued after an uneasy hush had fallen on the crowd. "Ash-hadu an laa ilaha illa-lah Wa ash-hadu anna Muhammadan rasulullah."

After this pronunciation of Muslim faith, both the Supreme Leader and President of Iran went on to admit that there had indeed been extra votes cast in favor of Ahmadinejad, especially in the Floriddan and Minneh-Sotah Provinces. However, they explained that these votes had been cast by Allah himself, and were therefore no longer open to question.

As the crowd once more began to roil at this newest revelation, Die-Hard Presidential Contender and reformist Moussavi cried out from the back of the crowd, asking, "Why could Allah himself not be here to answer our questions?"

"Err, umm..." explained Khamenei. "He had another appointment."

Unsatisfied, Moussavi asked, "What appointment?"

At this point, Khamenei was seen turning to Ahmadinejad, looking at him for a second, then outstretching his arms with an exasperated shrug of his shoulders.

"He had to, uh, get his dog's toenails clipped," answered Ahmadinejad, pulling a memo pad from his shirt pocket, jotting down a quick note. "Yes, that's it. He's been meaning to do it for a while, but keeps forgetting to. Hectic schedule, he says."

With that, he put the note pad back in his pocket and looked up, asking, "Are there any more questions?"

At this point, Khamenei and Ahmadinejad were seen ducking behind their podium to avoid a sudden barrage of smelly footwear as riot police closed in, always ready for the adrenaline rush that comes with displays of dominance, just like... well, just like cops in free nations!

Hey, wait a second - maybe they are making progress after all!!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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