Coroner orders Carradine tool closet caper re-enactment following naked Bristol Palin tattoo autopsy find
Phuket - (Silken Ropes Ass Mess): A Bangcock Coroner has ordered a re-enactment of David Carradine's hotel tool cupboard choking sex game after finding a tattoo of a naked, prepubescent Bristol Palin on the Kill Bill actor's private parts. Volunte...
Read full storySwastika crop circle closes Royal Ascot
Ascot, Berks - (Shergar Ass Mess): Groundsmen are working round the clock to replace over £100,000 of turf after a swastika crop circle appeared in Ascot Racecourse's Royal Enclosure. The Third Reich effigy materialised overnight following a Troop...
Read full storyInventor Of The Air Guitar, Hector Peckert Found Dead In Closet!
Inventor of the Air Guitar, Hector Peckert has died during a solo sex game that somehow went wrong, according to sources in Nagales, Arizona, where he was found dead as a peckertwood on Friday. The body of Peckert was discovered in a hotel room wh...
Read full storyTheSpoof.Com goes Digital to save David Letterman and Free Speech from Sarah Palin
London, England - That's right TheSpoof.com has gone the way of analog TV and pulled the plug, leaving its fans without their daily fix of satire, unless they had the foresight to take advantage of a government coupon to purchase a satire/joke conver...
Read full storyCher's Daughter Chastity Bono To Get A Penis
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Chastity Bono, the 40-year-old daughter of 70s icons Sonny and Cher has announced that she wants to play on the boy's team. The daughter of one of the most popular music duos of all-time said that she will have the sexual reassign...
Read full storyMan Sells Wife, 59, On eBay
A man in Staffordshire achieved the kind of notoriety he hadn't bargained for, today, when he became the first person in the world to sell his wife on eBay. The man, Gerald Bodge, from Lichfield, married his wife Deidre in 1976, but their relation...
Read full storyOprah to Eat Tapeworm in Weight-loss, Ratings Bid
TV's Oprah Winfrey is preparing to try a life-threatening medical gamble to guarantee the huge weight loss she has promised viewers. The tubby talk titan hopes to shed at least half of her current 600 pounds in just six weeks. Oprah intends to s...
Read full storySwine Health Organization declares human terror pandemic alert
Swine Health Organization of World (SHOW) has raised the human terror alert level to 10 from the normal level 9, following rumors that millions of extra pigs may be culled by humans, in addition to over 35 lakh pigs that are slaughtered daily in slau...
Read full storyScientist Names New Species After Wife: Nagging Bitch Shrew
Rodentologist Nigel Screwdup was tip toeing through the jungles of Borneo in search of new species when he heard a repetitive shrill screech. Upon further investigation Screwdup discovered an immaculately appointed nest. The Welch vermin expert stake...
Read full storyRonaldo Transfer for 80 million (pesetas)
Manchester Utd manager Sir Alec Ferguson was fuming today when he found out that the transfer fee paid for Christiano Ronaldo was not 80milion pounds as originally thought but was actually 80million pesetas. Traditional Values Although pesetas...
Read full storySmall Shops Fight Back Against Supermarket Giants
Small shops have been long struggling against competition from the supermarket giants, but a leading lifestyle guru from Salford has explained that there is a place among the commercial giants for the small trader. Andy Ladd told small traders tha...
Read full story"Reformed" BNP leader Nick "Adolf'" Griffin recognises the power of publicity and should fucking pay for the pleasure!
BNP leader Nick "Adolf" Griffin and well known "ex Nazi" in a triumphant speech given after hacking inroads into the British/European political spectrums mentioned a certain satirical website, which cannot be named for certain illegal reasons, for co...
Read full storySacha Baron Cohen To Star As Clay Aiken
HOLLYWOOD - Sacha Baron Cohen is definitely in the building. The twisted comic, lately seems to be getting more media attention that even Dick "The Dick" Cheney, who finally after eight years of uttering maybe 114 words as vice-president came out of...
Read full storyThe Art of Sex
Sex is a duty if done with your wife. It becomes art if done with your lover. It is classified as education if done with a virgin. It becomes a business transaction if done with a prostitute. It could be called Social work if done with a divorcee, or charity work if done with a widow. However, it can only be called a sacrifice if done with your own hand.
Read full storyMadonna Takes Lead in Baby Auctions
Dickenson VA (FTB newswire) The wheels of Madonna's private Gulfstream jet had barely graced the runway at Robert E Lee Memorial Airport when the crowd broke into cheers. The aging pop idol is on the second leg of her whirlwind, Buy, Buy Baby World T...
Read full storyPeaches Geldof joins BNP in latest publicity stunt
In her latest desperate publicity stunt, Peaches Geldof, the talentless never-been who is famous only for being the daughter of a has-been, has joined the BNP. After a fake marriage to some guy out of a crap band, a fake drugs overdose, and preten...
Read full storyCarrie Prejean really fired for not being in two places at once?
Los Angeles, California - As the now former Miss USA's scheduling records will eventually prove, if ever they are released under this politically charged atmosphere not experienced since the Salem witch-burning saga during the colonial era of pre-Ame...
Read full storyE-E-T News: Mr. Chastity Bono, Madonna Goes Native And Miss Kalifornia
(Atlanta-GA) Marine Rick Duncan said he survived the attacks on the Pentagon of September 11th. He then claimed surviving a roadside bomb in Iraq. The problem? He was never a Marine or even in the United State Armed Forces. And his name isn't Rick Du...
Read full storyDoubts Cast Over David Carradine From Beyond The Grave Spoof Submission
Doubts were raised today regarding the authenticity of an article supposedly submitted by recently deceased rope wanker David Carradine to satirical website TheSpoof.com The article contains references to the late actor's apparent accidental death...
Read full storyC.Ronaldo reveals the truth behind mega-deal between Man U and Perez, King of Real Madrid!
C. Ronaldo flogged for 80.000.000,00 nicker to Spanish giants Real Madrid has been telling excited reporters why he desperately wanted to leave Man Utd and also divulged some details of his new contract. Firstly Ronny named Roonie as the main r...
Read full storySpoof Writer Gets 200 Million Hits, Storms Writer Chart
A previously little known writer for satirical websites has broken all records at legendary satirical spoofery website TheSpoof.com by racking up a mind boggling 200 million hits in three hours. Site administrators were left agog as the hits piled...
Read full storySe7en - Not Really A Lucky Number
It has finally been officially verified by academics and researchers from Fluffborough University that seven is not really a lucky number. In fact, no number is any luckier than any other number, despite Lene Lovitch having a 1970's hit with 'My Luck...
Read full storyWoman Sues Pharmaceutical Company After Growing Penis
A West Texas woman, Mrs. Jean Smith, told reporters Friday that she had been told that her husband's "penis helper" would also help her so she began taking them a few months ago. Then she noticed a growth and went to see a Doctor Juan across the bord...
Read full storyMan United In £94 Million Transfer Bid For Irish Soccer Genius
Man United officials today prepared to smash the world transfer record as they boarded a plane bound for Dublin. It's been strongly hinted at, that following Cristiano Ronaldo's Real Madrid move United are prepared to flex their financial muscle by p...
Read full storyMan United Fans Are All Lying Bastards
This was the astonishing claim made today by Donald Skoob, a janitor and general dogsbody at Salford University following Cristiano Ronaldo's sensational £80 million move to Real Madrid. He told us: "All these United fans who keep popping up sayin...
Read full storyCan panty leg elastic save the planet?
Sir Clive Sinclair, well-known for his C5 tricycle and the ZX Spectrum home computer has patented a revolutionary electrical generator that is powered by panty elastic. In a break with tradition, Sir Clive has assigned the patent rights "to all of...
Read full storyLily Allen Lambasts BNP And Everything Else
Crap chanteuse Lily Allen, who has been gobbing off a lot recently has levelled her acerbic wit at the BNP, which seems fair enough to most people, but describing them as; 'Not very nice people at all' has been regarded by many observers as not going...
Read full storyRonaldo In My House In Hollywood In Paris
£80 million Real Madrid soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo celebrated his lucrative move to the Spanish giants by going out on the lash in Hollywood. Ronaldo was seen and snapped by photographers in My House nightclub in Hollywood knocking back the dri...
Read full storyThrifty Tips #1
In this current economic crisis, here at The Daily Tripe we like to think that we are looking after you, the reader, and putting YOUR interests first. With that in mind, we have decided to write an occasional series highlighting 'Thrifty Tips' patronisingly showing you how to save money, often with disastrous effects. The first in the series shows how to eat for less than a quid. Last nig...
Read full storyEx PM In X Rated X-Ray Shocker
Margaret Thatcher, former UK Prime Minister was rushed dramatically to hospital last night for x-rays following a fall at her home. It was revealed that she had sustained a broken arm in the accident. Lady Thatcher, 83 is reportedly a bit doddery...
Read full storySarah Palin Pissed Off - Challenges David Letterman To A Duel
WASILLA, Alaska - The Wasilla Wilderness Gazette stated that Governor Sarah Palin is tremendously upset with David Letterman for making jokes about her family that she said were way out of line. The Alaskan governor remarked that the CBS talk show...
Read full storyDoubts Expressed Over Five Times A Day Sex Claim Of Former Spice Girl
Women we spoke to this morning generally poured cold water over the claims of ex-Spice Girl Mel B that she has sex five times a day with her current beau. As well as being a working mum who also adheres to a vigorous exercise regime. "Now that's t...
Read full storyDid The Oprah Costa Nostra Cause Jolie's "Accident"?
Although the Oprah Costa Nostra has denied it, the recent "accident" that led to Angelina Jolie's head injury has left fans and people in general wondering if there's any truth in the accident's rumor. Oprah is the #1 most influential person in th...
Read full storyThatcher breaks arm in Kinga Legg death trail mystery
London - (AssoCIAted Mess): Baroness Thatcher has been discharged from the Royal Freak Hospital's A&E department following an arm fracture sustained during frantic whitewashing activities in the Kinga Legg murder cover-up in Paris. Mrs T was d...
Read full storyQ&A : Advice about swine 'flu
What is swine 'flu? Swine 'flu is a strain of a generally harmless respiratory disease, that has killed 141 people out of 4 billion humans in the world How dangerous is it? If hearing about it every day 'til your blood pressure shoots through the roof is dangerous, it's dangerous How worried should people be about something that's about as likely to affect you as being struck three tim...
Read full storyRonaldo denies £80million transfer to Real Madrid is for the money
Football star Ronaldo has denied that his transfer from Manchester United to Real Madrid is all about money. At a press conference earlier today he denied that the transfer was for no other reason than he wanted to go to Madrid to that he could en...
Read full storyJade Goody's Mum-World Exclusive
Jade Goody's Mum has turned her back on Britain and lady loving. The former muff muncher Jackiey Budden has found love in the arms of a former soldier now stationed in Spain. Jackiey who had been forgotten about until she phoned us up, says it fe...
Read full storyRedneck Learns To Use Internet - Torments Spoof Writers!
A redneck reader of TheSpoof.com has put spoof writers in his s*** list. Intolerant of opinions alien to his own, he is exacting a terrible revenge on those with thinking tangential to his own. He has found a horrible means of inflicting his ange...
Read full storyAdam Lambert To Run For Governor of California
SAN DIEGO - American Idol contestant Adam Lambert told Anderson Cooper that now that he has signed a record deal with Simon Cowell's 19th Hole Productions his next goal is to be elected governor of California. Lambert said that The Left Coast Amal...
Read full storyPresident Dines in Hell
Washington D.C. (FTB newswire) The White House Press core went on an unexpected journey this noon. They followed the President and Vice President through the gates of Hell. The short jaunt to a Hade's favorite, called Ray's Hell Burger gave the repor...
Read full storyObama Out as QB For Green Bay
Green Bay, Wisconsin - Barrack Obama will not be playing for the Green Bay Packers this year after all. The two parties couldn't come to terms on a contract during a last minute negotiating session here and Mr. Obama flew back to Washington on Air Fo...
Read full storyUK Terracotta Warriors Discovered
Archaeologists in the UK announced this morning that an army of terracotta warriors had been unearthed during the execution of an archaeological dig near Dudley in the West Midlands. The finding, reportedly the biggest event in UK archaeological h...
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