Q&A : Advice about swine 'flu

Funny story written by matwil

Friday, 12 June 2009

image for Q&A : Advice about swine 'flu
'Cancel all emergency operations, we have a man who's sneezing!'

What is swine 'flu?

Swine 'flu is a strain of a generally harmless respiratory disease, that has killed 141 people out of 4 billion humans in the world

How dangerous is it?

If hearing about it every day 'til your blood pressure shoots through the roof is dangerous, it's dangerous

How worried should people be about something that's about as likely to affect you as being struck three times in a row by irradiated lightning at the end of a rainbow?

Er ...

Is swine 'flu just a massive and boring media lie to keep journalists employed?

Of course not. If it was, they'd spend months filling the papers up with endless stories about this non-story

If it's a virus, isn't it impossible to cure, like influenza or the common cold? Can it be treated?

A virus can never be cured or really treated, but don't let that stop you from going to your doctor and buying all sorts of useless placebos

Why do illiterate journalists spell swine 'flu 'swine flu'?

There's been an outbreak of pub 'flu in recent months, especially in London

What about a vaccine against multinational pharmaceutical companies, that bribe governments and politicians to try and scare people into seeking vaccines and pills?

Not much chance of that, I'm afraid, doctors will prescribe any old crap to earn themselves a free holiday, courtesy of Coffman La Boche

Am I ten thousand times more likely to die in a car crash, from a heart attack, or from being eaten by a hippopotamus than from swine 'flu?

Not if the hippo is in a bad mood

Are the British people gullible, and will fall for any old tosh that the patronising Labour Government fills the news with?


The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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