Los Angeles, California - As the now former Miss USA's scheduling records will eventually prove, if ever they are released under this politically charged atmosphere not experienced since the Salem witch-burning saga during the colonial era of pre-America, Carrie Prejean, was really fired for not being in two places at once.
"Three out of five of her scheduled appearances conflict with each other," said a spokesman for Prejean. "There's no way she could have made those appearances without having to clone herself."
"Cloning is a violation of the Miss USA pageant rules. And again grounds for termination," said a spokesman for Donald Trump owner of the Miss USA beauty pageant organization, denying Prejean's termination was politically motivated and that last month's news conference was staged for the benefit of public in order to preserve the appearance of free speech in America in a post California Proposition 8 world.
"USA pageant winners who choose to exercise their right to free speech are welcomed to do so," continued Trump's spokesman. "Provided it is politically correct speech. Otherwise, they are required to make at least 31 out of 50 scheduling conflicts, even if that means that they have to break the laws of physics to do it. It's in the contract. Really it is."
"She could have made all her conflicting appearances if she really, really tired," said Perez Hilton an outspoken critic of Prejean and advocate of tolerance, provided you agree with everything he has to say. "I mean if she's so close to God and doing his will, why didn't she ask him for a little favor like get him to make the sun stand still in the sky so she make all 17 engagements in one day? Or at least 11 the next?"