Unknown Bollywood director makes "Slumdog" rip-off; Nauseating 'Slum-God Billionaire' hits Mumbai theatres
MUMBAI - Bollywood directors are known for shamelessly ripping off Hollywood story lines and re-packaging them into 3-hour ridiculous song-and-dance packages guaranteed to bring on world class migraines. In fact, ever since the success of Danny Bo...
Read full storyUFO's Spotted in Central Park
New York - Low flying UFOs were spotted yesterday in Central Park. Mysterious coloured disks were reported at extremely low altitudes from zero to 6 metres, extremely rare for UFO sightings. More rare yet, the unidentified disks made direct physic...
Read full storySign of the times
In a press release Friday, Starbucks announced that it will begin selling instant coffee for one dollar per cup in an effort to become viable in these trying economic times. In a related story, chef Gordon Ramsey, of the FOX network's "Hell's Ki...
Read full storyMexican Government Collapses, Napolitano Cedes 100 Miles of US Border
Tijuna, Mexico/ Rolling Stone, International Edition - Buried under a snowfall of an unprecedented storm of incoming cocaine shipments, Mexico's President Felipe De Jesus Calderon finally called it a day and resigned, leaving the country in the hands...
Read full storyLt. Columbo's Revenge
A court-appointed attorney who has met with Peter Falk has issued a report stating that he believes the actor does not need to be placed under a conservatorship as was sought by his daughter. In a report filed Friday in Los Angeles Superior Court,...
Read full storyNo Bailout Money For Republican Districts
Since the Republicans unanimously voted against the bailout package, Republican districts will receive zero dollars from the recovery package signed by President Obama. Running up and down the steps of Air Force One, in Denver, Colorado, the zer...
Read full storyTamil Tigers bomb Columbo
In a surprise attack, Columbo has been bombed by the Sri Lankan rebel group the Tamil Tigers. Peter Falk, who plays the character, explained: "I was sitting in a New York restaurant in my mac. Then this van drives by full of a group of men wearin...
Read full storySuicide gets the FunkyTV treatment
FunkyTV and Kate Thornton join forces in a new Docusoap which charts the lives of family and friends as they say goodbye to their loved ones. The show entitled "Goodbye Goodbye" is set to the backdrop of James Blunts back catalogue and will featur...
Read full storyA Love Story
I had reason to go up into the attic a couple of days ago, and as I did so I stumbled upon the strangest thing. There was a large box there which I hadn't noticed before. Intrigued somewhat, I opened the box. Within, I discovered some shoes, a couple of tee shirts, and a manuscript, all neatly typed out on A4 paper. Not being able to help myself, I started to read it. This is what i...
Read full storyMan with Peanut Allergy Stabs Himself with Pen
Cincinnati- Twenty-three year old Jason Dunsdale of River Park is in recovering in hospital after suffering a an acute anaphylactic reaction after mistakenly eating some cake containing traces of peanut butter at a house party on the weekend. Mr.
Read full storyThis Week's 110% Accurate Horoscopes from Psycho Bob: New For February 2009
Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC) The stars see a vast change in your future as soon now, the days will grow longer, you'll begin to shed clothing and the sun will appear to be much stronger. Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN) Although you've always claimed that your health is what really matters, you have to believe the little lady's new breast implants have made them a close second and third. Aquar...
Read full storyMissouri Man Shoots His Television
JOPLIN, Missouri - A 70-year-old man has been arrested and charged with unlawful discharge of a firearm after he shot his television. His wife, who was shaking like a leaf in the wind, said that her husband became upset because he could not get hi...
Read full storyNorth Korea Is Ready For War - And Here Comes Iceland
PYONGYANG, North Korea - North Korea has boldly boasted that it is ready for war. Iceland with an Army of slightly over 900 soldiers, replies that it is on it's way to kick North Korea's ass. A high-ranking Icelandic official said, "We will conqu...
Read full storyHarem Pants - it was only a joke says designer
The fashion industry is in turmoil following a designer's admission that he introduced the current trend of Harem Pants as a joke. The pants, which have a baggy seat, a dropped crutch and tight, shin-length legs have been seen on catwalks and in fas...
Read full storyObama To Send 10,000 Disgruntled Wall Street Losers to Afghanistan
Washington, DC - President Barack Obama has begun sending 10,000 more ground troops to Afghanistan as soon as they finish their training at Fort Campbell, Kentucky. According to Reginald Feeler, a spokesperson for Vice President, Joe Biden, "They...
Read full story300-Pound, Chain-Smoking Alcoholic Pill-Popper Afraid Of Dying From Global Warming
300-Pound, Chain-Smoking Alcoholic Pill-Popper Afraid Of Dying From Global Warming Beaner, Tennessee - Jonnie Ben Johnson, a 41 year old Beaner homemaker, admits that she's petrified by the thought of dying from global warming, saying, "It scares...
Read full storyRob a house - but lose a car
After the news broke about a robery victim stealing the thieves getaway car, one intrepid reporter attempted what the police could not do, and track down the thieves themselves. They were located in a seedy bar in down-town Bellevue, Washington St...
Read full storyAspartame antidote annoucned
DENVER, Colo. - Scientists at Peak Medical School today announced the successful clinical trial of heroine as an antidote to aspartame. In 200 out of 200 cases, heroine ended the sufferings of aspartame symptom plagued test subjects. Subjects wer...
Read full storyDid Video Games Console kill Jade Goody?
Possible exposure to a video games console may have caused the cancer in Jade Goody, scientists have proved perhaps. Shocking revelations from the Polytechnico of Juventius di Milano departmento di speculananio reveal the Japanese console popular...
Read full storyNewspaper to be taken to court by cancer victim
Janet Regan, a 31 year old mother of three from Peterborough is taking a British tabloid newspaper to court. Mrs Regan, with three young children and a husband who was made redundant last week due to the greed of British Bankers not allowing him a...
Read full storyAbu Hamza gets a new job
Crazy one-eyed hook-handed fire-breathing Muslim cleric Abu Hamza has got a new job as an airline pilot, thanks to a Woolwich Job-Centre. There, Manager Barry Clueless said "Hamza cannot be refused a job under disability or race discrimination or...
Read full storyBritons in £2 trillion National Debt horror scare
The United Kingdom is about £2 trillion in debt - which equates to £33,000 for every man, woman and child in the country. Removing the 40% of the population who don't/can't work, are children or retired means every working person owes about £47,6...
Read full storyFrom Laura Bush's Kitchen
Dishes from the Bush household, showcased by Laura Bush. George's favourite Spam a la mode: (as suggested by George) Cook your spam by the desired method and to the desired point. Then serve with ice cream on top. Raw Spam: There are many ways to eat Spam. However, I believe that the worst way to eat Spam is to take a fork to an open, uncooked can. George loves raw Spam. Uncle Dick C...
Read full storyA-Rod Wants To Be Traded
NEW YORK CITY, New York - New York Yankees superstar and self-professed ex-steroid user, Alex Rodriguez has asked that he be traded. A-Rod told a reporter for ESPN that he is having an extremely hard time trying to concentrate on baseball with the...
Read full storyPalin May Select Madoff as Running Mate in 2012
Wasilla, Alaska At a strident news conference...that some observers described as a "hysterical hissy fit"... an adamant Sarah Palin delivered a passionate defense of beleaguered Wall Street investor Bernie Madoff...calling his brilliance as a money m...
Read full storyNy Posterboy Cartoonist Promises: No Mo Monkeyin' Around
First an elderly senile chimp rips the face off a family friend in real time. Then, the handsome black president finesses a stimulus bill through Congress despite Republican abandonment. So a NY Posterboy cartoonist desperate for an idea decides that...
Read full storyFDA announces worlds first aspartame eating contest
WASHINGTON DC - Dr. Strangedeath, spokesperson for the FDA, reported today that the worlds first aspartame eating contest will be held on July 4, 2009, live on T.V. here. Contestants must pay their own way to Washington, but the aspartame will be...
Read full storyBristol Palin: I Can't be Celibate Like My Mom
Bristol Palin after telling the mainstream media what they wanted to hear leaked the true piece of tale. The teen mum of the queenship of Alaska revealed her reason for being sexsually permissive: "I go out and cruise the sand bars and frozen tu...
Read full storyBankrupt bankers request little long forks
NEW YORK, N.Y. - Mr. Rockenfella announced today, to a large crowd on the street, that bankers here are turning to the public for a bailout. Billions of dollars just can't fill the bill for this item. "Many of us bankers here are misplacing the l...
Read full storyRepub Leadership beg Obama to Tone Down the Articulateness
As the Republican minority positions itself to claw and scrape its way back to some national significance, their current bargaining chips comes down to grammar, vocabulary and syntax. Party leaders are asking well educated and eloquent President Obam...
Read full storyJesus, Mary and Joseph: We Lost Half of Our 401K; Even Other Worldly Economy in Trouble
When even the Holy Family and God's Only Begotten Son are left with a 200.5 small k retirement fund, you've got to know the world and even the other worldly economy is in big trouble. The Virgin Mary had logically sunk a bundle of shekels into Vi...
Read full storyThe New York Post To Change It's Name
NEW YORK CITY, New York - The New York Post mired in major controversy has kind of apologized for that controversial chimp cartoon. But it looks like it might just be a classic case of too little too late. The paper's subscription department repo...
Read full storyTatiana Del Toro To Star With Paris Hilton In The Odd Couple
NEW YORK CITY, New York - USA Tomorrow has announced that "American Idol" reject Tatiana Del Toro will appear with Paris Hilton in the Broadway production of Neil Simon's The Odd Couple. A spokesperson for Paris Hilton stated that Ms. Hilton origi...
Read full storyNew Jersey Rattled By Third Earthquake!
SECAUCUS, New Jersey - The Garden State has just been rattled by the third earthquake in as many weeks. People are starting to call New Jersey, 'California East.' Dante Carmine Calabrese, owner of The Mr. and Mrs. Dante Carmine Calabrese Insurance...
Read full storyUN selects Nottinghamese as new world dialect
The United Nations Language Unification Commission last night ended its long deliberations over which dialect of the English language should become the standard for The New Word Order. The head of the commission, Sir Tain Toby Adaftbuga, in our re...
Read full storyChimp attack spurred by outrage over cost of Obama's stimulus package to the taxpayers, now claims owner recanting her previous story
Stamford, Connecticut - Backing off her previous claim she made in a live interview on national TV that she gave her 15-year old pet chimpanzee, Travis, Xanax (an anti-anxiety medication) known to cause emotional outbursts and acts of violence in hum...
Read full storyStimuli ugggh
President Obama named his former pastor Jeremiah Wright as head of Indian affairs last week Today Rev Wright met with the Cherokee Tribe in North Carolina. The Reverend began "Now listen here -- the white man is hurting and as we all know that tr...
Read full storyLarge Marijuana Farm Discovered in Gaza
Gaza City: Israeli forces discovered a large underground Marijuana farm located inside Gaza City during their short visit. As Iranian rockets were being smuggled into Gaza through Hamas built tunnels, boxes of little green Marijuana cigarettes were b...
Read full storyDear Laura Bush
Advice From Laura Bush: Dear Laura I am a very old woman with not much time left so can you tell me your secret for keeping happy and young? Crone In Colorado Dear Crone: I get my face lifted and tucked as often as possible. My Georgie thinks I go away on camping trips but the truth is I make trips to Dr. Peal who tells me I have the bone structure of a young horse. That and whe...
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