WASHINGTON DC - Dr. Strangedeath, spokesperson for the FDA, reported today that the worlds first aspartame eating contest will be held on July 4, 2009, live on T.V. here.
Contestants must pay their own way to Washington, but the aspartame will be provided by industry representatives. One hundred percent pure aspartame will be used. Contestants are allowed to wash the aspartame down with pure water, but no food is allowed.
The winner of the contest will be awarded a life-time supply of diet foods, and a coupon for a free embalming at the mortuary of their choice.
FDA officials will referee the contest, dressed in full respirators. Contestants will not be allowed to wear safety equipment.
Contestants have reportedly been seen training for the event by drinking methanol.
