McCain's friendship questioned, denied.
NORFOLK, Va. -- The latest claim made by Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) -- that everyone is his friend, is being denied by voters across the nation, including those at Belmont University in Tennessee, where the debate took...
Read full storyPresidential Smack-Down: Terrorist Versus Satanist
Presidential hopeful, Senator Barrack Hussein Obama has largely dodged the bullet concerning his association with early Al Qaeda operative, William Ayers. However, recent revelations concerning Obama, the Jew-hating, Muslim have called into question...
Read full storyKatie Price Has One Tit Bigger Than The Other
Katie Price, aka 'Jordan', has startled her fans and millions of 'laptop wankers', by emerging from her latest round of plastic surgery in Los Angeles with one tit bigger than the other. Price, who is married to that Peter Andre, had the tit-enlar...
Read full storyHadron Collider The Subject Of New Gay James Bond Film
The Hadron Collider, that machine that was built to recreate the conditions just after the Big Bang, has been stolen, and has fallen into the hands of that arch-villain from the James Bond films, Ernst Blojob. That's the storyline of the brand new...
Read full storyPalin Admits to Affair; Bigfoot Confirms
Senator John Mccain's running mate, Governor Sara Palin, recently confessed to bloggers that she in fact had cheated on her husband on several occasions. When asked to identify her lover, she first cleared her throat, then named Bigfoot. Surprisi...
Read full storyCamilla Says Charles Is A 'Tosser'
London-- "That Charles is a silly tosser and both the boys are complete wankers!" said Camilla in a shocking interview with the BBBBC today. The Duchess of Cornwall was commenting on her marriage to Charles and wanted to express her disappointment ab...
Read full storyThe 2008 Canadian Lingerie Football League
World Wide Wonderfully Wondrous Sports Magazine recently sent one of its senior writers, Rhubarb 'Seventh-Inning Stretch' Stretchalini to Saskatoon, Saskatchewan to interview Pierre Thibodaux Lafayette, the commissioner of the brand new all-womens fo...
Read full storyGoogle Announces New Search Function, Interprets Subconscious Thought
Shifting technology enhancement in a new direction, Google announced today that it will offer a dramatic new way to surf the Internet without the user ever typing a single word. Plugging into a standard USB port on any computer, Google's new "Br...
Read full storyAustralian Sex Slave Keeps Extended Family Close at Hand!
Adelaide, Australia/ Lesbian Times - A free lance writer with dual citizenship in this country and the UK claims he was held captive by a band of Lesbians in this small town and forced to father over 30 children in a 2 week span. The unnamed spe...
Read full storyBill O'Reilly Still Yelling at Barney Frank
News and opinion program host Bill O'Reilly is reportedly still yelling at Congressman Barney Frank a week after Frank appeared on "The O'Reilly Factor" and O'Reilly hollered at Frank for his poor handling of the mortgage situation at the Fanny Mae a...
Read full storyBarach O'Bama in Queens, New York City, Is Tired Of Being Badgered and Threatened!
When Barach O'Bama immigrated to the U.S. in 1997 from Dublin, Ireland, he never expected the crap that's come his way over the past 2 years. This is his story. "I'm a nice Irish fellow, kinda like a tall leprechaun, who came to this great USA and to me maternal grandparents where they live in Forest Hills, Queens. Then, this here dark fella pops out from somewhere in this big land and he's...
Read full storyUnited States Will Take Over Piggy Banks
Denver, Colorado (IPP) - The United States Department of the Treasury will take over piggy banks as well as many of the nation's federally regulated banks. The plan was put into motion by George W. Bush and Secretary of the Treasury Dempsey Dumpst...
Read full storyEarth Bankrupt Foreclosure Imminent
United Nations, New York (IPP) - The economies of the planet's nations fell like dominoes this week and now the Earth is being foreclosed upon. The Earth will have to move back into the asteroid belt since it can no longer afford to stay in the in...
Read full storyJohn McCain Gives Up Bid for Presidency
The Republican presidential nominee, John McCain, announced he was withdrawing from the 2008 presidential campaign after remembering he was married to a beer heiress. The former-presidential hopeful, in a departure from the meticulously groomed...
Read full storyObama and McCain Try New Debate Style
Senators Obama and McCain invented a new form of political debate. During the debate, each candidate temporarily swap political positions and imitate the other, with McCain strutting back and forth, back and forth, across the stage, like a caged wolf, while Obama allowed himself to be chained up and tortured with dripping wine from California. (It was a risk, but his handlers assured The J...
Read full storyMartha Stewart Crashes Howard Stern's Wedding
Though the actual ceremony dates remained a closely guarded secret by the Stern Show and family, domestic-arts queen, Martha Stewart, had apparently crashed the wedding ceremony at its most inopportune moment. Bursting through the door of the re...
Read full storyVigilante Lacrosse Girls - Part 1
Throughout history, dire circumstances breed vigilantes. The Minutemen of the revolution, the Texas Rangers, the Guardian Angels of New York, and now: High School Varsity Lacrosse Girls! Ruthless, mysterious, and frustratingly misunderstood, these girls fight crime in their town because there's just nothing better to do after school-plus, their parents usually aren't home. It was a decepti...
Read full storyMFI Lose Laptop
In an embarrassing leaked memo from the British furniture superstore giants, it has emerged that a laptop containing detailed plans of a kitchen for the Jenkins's extension has been left on a train. "Nobody else will be able to use the data on the...
Read full storyBe Wary of Iceland, Investors Warned
Financial markets weakened yet further this morning, amidst fears that the world's banks could be in a meltdown situation by the weekend, and experts have warned investors not to buy into Iceland. The budget frozen foods giant has been particularl...
Read full storyGay Meats Very Popular
Springfield PA -- Gay meats are the latest attraction at the Poke N Toke Grocery store in Springfield! Everyone has been lining up at the meat counter for freshly butchered gay men. Queer cutlets, fagburgers and gay sausages are on everybody's me...
Read full storyUK declares war on Iceland
Prime minister Gordon Brown has announced a declaration of war on supermarket chain Iceland. Advertising figurehead Kerry Katona has also been placed under house arrest under suspicion of treason. Mr Brown commented: "Due to current global f...
Read full storyCredit crunch is hitting footballers' wives
It would appear the credit crunch is now hitting home to footballers' wives. Although many premiership footballers and their wives think a credit crunch is a breakfast bar from Nabisco, many are having extreme difficulty in making ends meet on the...
Read full storyHefner Dumps Girlfriend, Scouts New Prospects at Band Camp
Long time Hugh Hefner girlfriend and former Playmate, Holly Madison, has been kicked to the curb after her rumored spit swapping session with mediocre Las Vegas magician, Chris Angel. Madison, along with two other "girlfriends" had been publicly jo...
Read full storyOlympic Doping Scandal Jolts Fans
Lausanne, Switzerland - A committee of officials have dramatically taken away all 100 medals awarded to Chinese athletes at the Beijing Olympics following drug retesting. Committee chairman, Stan Ozolol, defended the controversial decision at a recen...
Read full storyIceland Bankrupt
Alistair Darling today revealed that the whole of Iceland has gone bankrupt following the collapse of the only Icelandic Bank, Landsbankinn. Thousands of people have been left without jobs as the credit crunch hit Iceland, and many more have been...
Read full storyJohn Terry Forced To Retire Through Injury - Claim
There was shock and horror in the England training camp this morning when it was revealed that Chelsea captain John Terry may be forced into early retirement from international and top flight football through injury. Terry, who is also the nationa...
Read full storyLet the grass grow
Scientists at the South West Welsh University (South West Wales) have discovered why it rains more at the weekend. "As a multitude of home sapiens are cognisant of," Dr. Christopher Verbose (MBE, MSC, BScH, Phd, SCISP) said, "Precipitation has a c...
Read full storyMan Dies After Wank in Bath
A 42 year old man from Dudley in the West Midlands died earlier today after having a wank whilst in the bath. After his bath he popped down to his local newsagents and was instantly killed as he stepped out in the path of a lorry whilst attempting...
Read full storyMan With World's Longest Finger Dead in Bizarre Fairground Accident
The man with the longest finger in the world, Mr Brian Spindle, is reported to have been killed in a bizarre fairground accident earlier today. Mr Spindle, from Leek in Staffordshire, was reported to have suffered a fatal injury whilst riding the...
Read full storyYoung Sarah Palin Interned with Patty Hearst and the Simbionese Liberation Army
While Sarah Palin has been denouncing Obama's childhood flirtation with the 1960's radical Weathermen because of a grammar school interest in meteorology, investigative reporters have uncovered some shocking evidence. While still a child, Sarah...
Read full storyMagellan Penguins Marooned on Brazilian Beaches to March in Mardi Gras Parades
Like drunken tuxedoed teens at their first prom, hordes of Magellan penguins have shown up on Brazilian beaches. The birds out of snow were wandering around the carioca beaches and resorts of Ipanema until the novelty wore off and they began to be vi...
Read full storyMcCain Mortgage Buyout to Include White House
John McCain's only slightly original economic plan was poorly explained by the Repub candie at the debate in Memphis in which old Elvis left the building quite early. After scrutiny by housing experts and economists from the Hogswarts School of...
Read full storyArizona's Yes4Marriage Anti-Gay Proposition Uses Naked Palin family in their Ads
The perennial attack by Christ-loving, gay-hating fundies on societal efforts to grant some protections to same-sex love relationships is once again being waged in the sands of Arizona. The new story is the racy ad campaign of the Religious righties.
Read full storyGenitally Conjoined Steingrabber Twins Buy the Dodgers to Fire Torre!
Last year Baseball's great behind the plate and in the manager's seat, Joe Torre was forced out of the Yankee organization by the Steingrabber twins who are said to share one dick and two balls between them. Torre had managed the Yanks into the p...
Read full storyMcCain Shits His Pants During Debate
Washington - GOP handlers were quick to dismiss reports that Senator McCain shit his pants while debating Barrack Obama last night. Democrats say that the true impact of the global economic melt-down finally hit home to McCain last night in mid-sente...
Read full storyNFL Announces All Prison Team - Video Game to Follow!
Canton,Ohio / Sports Illustrated - The NFL announced today it's All Prison Team after a nation wide poll of the nation's top law enforcement officers , prosecutors, and federal judges. There were few surprises. At stake, residuals from a new vide...
Read full storyPlaxico Burress Endorses Toothbrush
NY Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress inked a toothbrush endorsement deal Wednesday. Aural-C has a new model that will sell in the US under the name Plax-Burr. Company spokesman Donald T. Rump said that Burress is the ideal front man for the new...
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