Presidential Smack-Down: Terrorist Versus Satanist

Funny story written by Glen Coburn

Thursday, 9 October 2008

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Obama Bin Laden: 9/11 Mastermind

Presidential hopeful, Senator Barrack Hussein Obama has largely dodged the bullet concerning his association with early Al Qaeda operative, William Ayers. However, recent revelations concerning Obama, the Jew-hating, Muslim have called into question the liberal media's assertion that the two closeted gay men did not share a special relationship nor that there was anything inappropriate in the Communist party meetings they attended together in 1995.

The McCain camp has not backed down in its assertions that Obama was and is indeed a domestic terrorist. It appears that new information vindicates the claim so eloquently hammered home by McCain's running mate, Sarah Rove Palin. Her down home charm in delivering this message has incited riots at recent Nazi rallies, even compelling one eighty-nine year old grandmother and advocate of home schooling to call for Obama's decapitation.

Yesterday, Obama's grandmother, released a statement confirming that as a child when asked what he wanted to be when he grew up, he responded, "a weatherman." At the time, she was impressed that her son favored a career in meteorology but has recently had second thoughts, realizing that his gay lover, Ayers is also a weatherman.

Another blow to the Obama Bin Laden campaign was a statement this morning from his third grade teacher, Opal Burlap that he frequently showed up at school wearing what appeared to be an explosives laden vest. Further, she stated that he often carried sticks of dynamite in his lunch box, which was emblazoned with the slogan, "Death to America."

"At the time," she said, "I thought he was just expressing himself with his odd sense of fashion. Realizing even at that young age that he was a homosexual, I didn't think anything of it." The recent reports of his secret identity as a domestic terrorist have stirred Mrs. Burlap's memories of those days. "Now I feel confident that Barrack was the mastermind of 9/11," she continued. "And I'm just sick to death that I didn't recognize the signs back then."

Senator John McCain has had a rough week as well regarding new evidence that he was mentally unstable upon returning home from his heroic military service in Viet Nam. Eyewitness testimony from over a dozen non-partisan Satanists confirms that McCain was a close associate of Anton LaVey, High Priest of the Church of Satan. The group further claims that the Arizona Senator attended numerous satanic rituals.

McCain has not shied away from the charges but contends that his association with LeVay was nothing more than youthful folly. "Yes, I found The Satanic Bible interesting reading but I much prefer a John Grisham novel," he said. Pressed about the accusations of his presence at numerous satanic masses, McCain was dismissive. "I did witness a few human sacrifices but I never actually participated. I thought it was all play acting," he responded.

Questioned about any current association with the Church of Satan, the Senator seemed irritable. "It's ten-thirty in the morning for Christsake and I haven't had lunch yet," he pointed out. "As far as religion is concerned," he continued, "I chose to be an Episcopalian, which is similar to Satanism except that Jesus is the permanent stand-in for all human sacrifice." McCain recently became a Baptist in order to appeal to the Republican base. A McCain campaign spokesman stated that with a Baptist at the top of the ticket and his snake handling, tongue-speaking V.P. pick, "we're counting on the toothless, inbred voting block that put Bush in the White House for two terms."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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