Winner of Crufts has two Heads
Although there has been recent controversy regarding over bred pedigree dogs, so much so that the RSPCA halted it's support of Crufts dog show, we can report tonight that the actual winner of this years Crufts, a long haired Flapo aso named "Sir Fogw...
Read full storyAmerican Embassy to be Relocated
LONDON UK - After 200 years of being sited in central London the American Embassy is to move South of the river (Thames) to the old Battersea Power Station Site that has stood disused for over 40 years. This famous landmark with it's four famous...
Read full storyDyson's New Bagless Wonder
LONDON UK: Dyson has done it again, a first in it's field. The top boffin has invented the first bagless colostomy. Surgeons are celebrating the new invention as a wonder, however other Leading surgeons from around the world have their doubts abou...
Read full storyThe New Britney 'Oops' Spears' Workout DVD's
The highly reputable and quite expensive ($17 a copy) magazine, Woman's Habitual Housekeeping & Fashionable Fitness Monthly assigned its senior writer, McKenna Littlemill to do an article on either France's first lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, Dancing With The Stars' judge Carrie Ann Inaba, or singer/actress Britney Spears. Littlemill flipped a coin and Britney won. Britney Spears has been an ac...
Read full storyBenitez claims he is tanned
In what seems to be another bizarre attempt in seeming "normal", Rafael Benitez, the fat manager of Liverpool FC, has claimed that he has a tan. The incredibly white and bald manager, in what is seen by critics to be an attempt to seem "normal",...
Read full storyBenitez: I watch porn
In what seems to be another bizarre attempt by Rafa Benitez, the fat Liverpool Manager, to seem "normal", weird fuck Rafa has claimed to watch porn on a regular basis. Rafa, fat, claims that a regular night for him would be cosy-ing up next to the...
Read full storyKeanu Reeves To Star In New Superman Film
Looking to hopefully break the Superman jinx, Keanu Reeves has accepted the title role of Superman in a new film expected to be released in June 2005. "Keanu is the perfect actor for the role. His work in The Matrix was second to none and he will be...
Read full storyGlobal Warming Linked To Dead, Missing Children
Scientists at the Mulberry Institute of Practical Sciences believe they have uncovered a new and even more destructive contributer to the world global warming crisis. According to their findings the surge of dead and missing children across the World...
Read full storyLarge Hadron Collider reveals all about Elvis
In a new development, the Large Hadron Collider has shed new light on the mystery surrounding Elvis Presley's hotly debated death or continued low profile existence. The collider provided valuable information on Friday that indicated Elvis may in...
Read full storyChinese Candy Recalled After Reports of some Bursting into Flame
A beloved Chinese candy is being pulled from world markets because some of it has caught fire when exposed to sunlight or air. The "Chairman Mao Happy Bunny Fun Drops" which also go by the name "People's Republic Productivity Reward Sweet Treats...
Read full storyFederal plan to move Seattle further south revealed
Federal government officials have announced plans to relocate Seattle in Washington state to a southern site, most probably Kentucky. This is following a recent poll that found one in five Seattle residents do not like aspects of their city such as c...
Read full storyBrown Ministerial Reshuffle: Hellboy Returns to Cabinet
Gordon Brown is expected to complete his ministerial reshuffle later, with New Labour's notorious Scandal Kid, Peter (watch yer arses) Mandelson, returning to the cabinet as head of the Ministry of Corruption, which is to be relocated to the Millenni...
Read full storyMacrosoft Bankrupt! Internet Holiday Declared
Seattle WA -- Software giant Macrosoft is the latest and the biggest victim of the crashing economy. The legendary computer giant filed for bankruptcy protection this morning after defaulting on $800 billion in debt. The Internet Explorer brows...
Read full storyTicked Off McCain Dumps Palin As Running Mate
Hot on the heels of the Vice-Presidential debate, Republican presidential nominee John McCain (the really old-looking one), has dumped his Vice-Presidential running mate, Alaskan governor Sarah Palin. "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it...
Read full storyCIA Intercepts Classified Messages During Debate: Says Biden Hair Plugs are Hi Tech Micro Burst Receivers!
Langley, VA/ Spook News - Reports are emerging from CIA headquarters that VP Candidate Joe Biden was secretly being programmed with High Speed Micro Burst Transmissions from James Carville during his recent debate with Gov. Palin. The Senator, who...
Read full storyAnonymous Source Reveals All
An unnamed source revealed today that an unnamed man was arrested at an undisclosed location for an unnamed crime. An eyewitness, who wished to remain anonymous, stated, "It was awful, there were police everywhere with guns drawn and they were ye...
Read full storySarah Palin Kidnapped Prior to Vice-Presidential Debate
According to anonymous Republican moderates, Sarah Palin, the GOP Vice-Presidential candidate, was temporarily kidnapped just before her debate with Democrat Joe Biden this past Thursday. These multiple sources state that certain far-right die-h...
Read full storySol Campbell Forms 'White Underpants Society'
Sol Campbell, the much-abused black footballer, this morning made an astonishing announcement to the media, in which he said that, despite being black, he always wears white underpants for games. The statement, on the Portsmouth website, reveals S...
Read full storyKimbo Slice Lashes out at Taunter
Los Angeles, Ca - A reporter tried to lead other reporters in a children's television show theme song called "Kimba the White Lion". "If you sing that stupid Kimba the White Lion song again I'm a bust you up," said Kimbo Slice in response to the...
Read full storyUN Spanks UK for Kicking the Kiddies!
United Nation's child welfare advocates chastised jolly ole England for what they see as the "Les Miserable" treatment of British laddies and lassies. The Scot practice of jailing 8 year olds and the England's imprisonment of children whom are on...
Read full storyBush Cuts Off Africans' Condoms!
British news sources were the first to discover the drastic funding cuts exacted by the Bush administration against condom supplies at Stopes Clinics throughout AIDS riddled Africa. Bush explained that withdrawal was always what he did in sexual...
Read full storyThere Once Was a Lady from Alaska
There once was a bold lady from cold Alaska, Who would brag incessantly of her greatness if ya asked her! She would always put on a great big act, That would inevitably cover up the obvious fact, That she did not know her pointy elbow from her fat ass, ya!...
Read full storyPalin to Sit on Karl Rove's Face After He Fingered her Way to Debate Success!
Sarah Palin found inspiration while sitting on Karl Rove's lap during the Veep Debate. With Karl's veteran hand up her dress, the Governor came and came and just kept coming...up with the right performance while Gentleman Joe Biden looked on in shock...
Read full storyAdam Sandler Gets Role of President Bush
In his quest to become recognized as a "serious" actor, Adam Sandler, famous for his comedy on Saturday Night Live and movies such as Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore and The Wedding Singer, has been cast in a role that will put his talents to the test.
Read full storyNukular Added to OED
The Oxford English Dictionary (OED) announced Saturday that it is adding the word nukular to its words in common usage. The change was under consideration for several years due to President Bush's accent. Sarah Palin's repeated use of the term in Thu...
Read full storyAlaska Votes For Secession, Millions of Americans Plan Exodus to Avoid Obamomania!
Anchorage, Al / Snowmobile Times - The Alaskan Legislation voted unanimously to secede from the Union today, clearing the way for a new influx of blue collar Americans seeking to re-establish ancient American foundations of family values, individu...
Read full storyDNA Proof: Sarah Palin is Vladimir Putin
Mount Palomar, California (IPP) - Scientists working in the DNA lab section of the Mount Palomar Observatory Campus (MPOC) have concluded with 100% scientific certainty that Sarah Palin and Vladimir Putin are one and the same. Political observers...
Read full storyBarney Frank Played Hide the Salami with Fannie Mae Lover; Still Blames GOP for Buggered Economy!
Washington,DC/Gay Times - New information emerged today that while Rep. Barney Frank, member of the House Banking Committee repeatedly blocked reform legislation to reign in rogue lending institution Fannie Mae, he was slipping it to his executive lo...
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