Dyson's New Bagless Wonder

Saturday, 4 October 2008

image for Dyson's New Bagless Wonder
The patient covered in the offending material

LONDON UK: Dyson has done it again, a first in it's field. The top boffin has invented the first bagless colostomy.

Surgeons are celebrating the new invention as a wonder, however other Leading surgeons from around the world have their doubts about it's benefits.

The general principle is that unlike the previous colostomy whereby a bag is attached to the new surgical opening to catch waste material, the new Dyson colostomy has no bag.

Dyson convinced British politicians from all sides of the political spectrum that the main benefit of his invention is that it will save the NHS millions of pounds in the cost of old colostomy bags.

Those with doubts (mainly medical staff) have voiced their concerns stating that with the new Dyson bagless colostomy the "waste material will simply discharge at great speed all over the clothes and bed sheets of the patient. The argument is that any savings on colostomy bags to the NHS will be spent on higher Laundry bills and cans of air freshener. The Prime Minister intervened against the negative comments and was heard to say "it's not a problem, the NHS change the bed sheets every month whether they are covered in excrement or not".

Dyson said "this idea will make me millions it's up to the NHS to realise the potential savings rather than waste them on laundry"

A spokesperson for a private healthcare organisation said "for an extra fee (£600) they will ensure they don't use the new bagless colostomy ."

A patient who has been trialling the new Dyson bagless colostomy was asked to comment but he couldn't due to being covered in shit.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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