Bush declares war on cyclones
President George W. Bush today announced a series of hard-hitting measures to 'defeat the forces of wind that threaten this country.' The measures include complete access to all data on any citizens computer without a warrant, the right to pe...
Read full storyWill Smith - 'I am a leg end'
Will Smith is reportedly furious at rumours circulating in Hollywood this week that appear to suggest that each movie he has made has just been a loosely written rehash of his previous release.
Read full storyGovernment reshuffle announced as council election results bite home
As a result of Labour's local election disaster, Gordon Brown has taken advice from his management team and announced a major reshuffle of his cabinet.
Read full storyObama and Clinton Clash Over Proposed Summer Gay Tax Holiday
Democratic presidential hopefuls Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama clashed again today on the increasingly divisive issue of a proposed summer Gay Tax holiday. Clinton backs the measure as a socially responsible way to help the economy, while Obama a...
Read full storyHow George Bush became our Decider-In-Chief
I just completed my training on how to see the future or the past with a crystal ball and for my first test, decided to find out how the hell did someone like George become our president, not once, but twice.
Read full storyCongressional Pages And White House Interns To Strike Because Of DC Madam
Congressional Pages and also White House interns plan on making a protest strike because of congressional use of professional prostitutes as exposed in the DC Madam case which cost one senator's job and also because of a male prostitute James Da...
Read full storyChelsea aim to win 'control of the universe' to pacify disappointed fans
Despite appearing in the Champions League final at the end of this month and being level on points with Manchester United in the Premiership with only one game to go, many Chelsea fans are disappointed with their team's performance this year.
Read full storyBarbie Bandits Raid Oaola's Eden
Lancaster, California (C-eN-eN)-- Barbie bandits have struck once again. This time they targeted a woman with a degree-in-hand at a remote location in southern California's city of Lancaster.
Read full storyJohnson to Abolish Taxes
Boris Johnson, new London Major and Puppet Master of Davy Cameron has launched a new scheme to make him popular, the complete abolition of Taxes.
Read full storyPope Admits "God is a Monkey"
(AP Rome) - Amongst speculation that our entire universe is just a child's science project gone awry the Pope announced to a throng of thousands at the Vatican that "God is a Monkey and Darwin was right".
Read full storyLong nails a health hazard?
Long red nails are a much sought after fashion accessory, but do you know where they have been?...
Read full storyAl Gore Found Alive on Iceberg
Al Gore, presumed dead (by no-one), has been found alive on a gigantic iceberg floating off Coney Island. It was over one month ago that the Oscar and Nobel Prize winner was lost at sea when he fell overboard from a Greenpeace yacht in the North Atl...
Read full storyWorld War 3 Is Nigh, According To Radders Anyway
I have a strong suspicion that Daniel Radcliffe is on something, possibly a white powder substance, because he has done it again. Once again he has said something so outrageous that those closest to him fear for his sanity.
Read full storySophie Jayne Wins Reality TV Show And Daniel Radcliffe's Heart
She may be a confused, overt, semi-illiterate school girl who has mailed "Radders" her panties every day since her 11th birthday, but today she showed the world that there was a hell of a lot more to Sophie Jayne when she won not only the p...
Read full storyNicola named as sexiest member of 'Girls Aloud'
It was today announced that contrary to popular belief, Nicola Roberts (22) is the most attractive member of 'Girls Aloud'.
Read full storyBritish binge-drink parents demand televised Papal hugfest
Algarve - (Ass Mess): A British couple accused of rampant drunkenness at a Portuguese holiday complex are demanding the Pope's help to clear their names after being accused of child neglect.
Read full storyObama tars Clinton with Basil Brush
Washington AC/DC - (Furry Ass Mess): Presidential wannabe Bollox O'Bama said today that rival Democratic contender Hillary Clitoris is just as inherently racist as ostensibly cute and cuddly UK children's TV fox character Basil Brush.
Read full story"No Sleaze" Weekend Leaves Tabloids Bereft of News
A remarkably misbehavior-free 48 hours amongst the nation's premier league footballers, soap stars and other minor celebrities has left the red tops scrambling to find anything 'newsworthy' to write about.
Read full storyWeeping, shackled Madonna appears on window of Austrian incest nutter's house
Amstetten - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): An image of a weeping, shackled Madonna has appeared on the living room window of Austrian incest nutter Joseph Fritlz's hellhole house.
Read full storyRancor Monster Escapes
There was consternation in Leicester following the escape of a 15ft Rancor Monster.
Read full storyPrince William has only got one, but Prince Harry has two: Chelsy is proud!
At present, Prince William has only got one, but his younger brother, Prince Harry has two! This has made girlfriend Chelsy Davy really proud of him. Miss Davy was with all her other friends - 170 members of the Hous...
Read full storyRandom Disclaimer
Crappy Meal will never be used in this or future articles as a parody, defamation, comedy representation on any happy meal times that persons unknown or known or imagined may have, or on any thing associated with happy or meal in any combination or variation or alphanumeric or rhyming representation.
Read full storyEbay - The new internet porn?
A recent survey has shown that more and more men are turning away from browsing hardcore porn sites and switching to eBay instead. The pornography industry met last night for a crisis orgy to discuss the severity of the situation.
Read full storyMexican Drug Crackdown Creates Kidnapping Surge
Juarez, Mexico - Because of the millions of dollars lost by Mexican Drug Cartels as a result of the United States crackdown on drugs crossing the border, the Cartels have begun a new side line of kidnapping Americans near the Mexican border and then...
Read full storyFritzl 'mentally ill' claims Lawyer, phew what a shocker
Rudolf Munchenfurburger, lawyer of Austrian sicko and convicted rapist, Josef 'Mengele' Fritzl, has claimed his client is mentally ill. This crushes the previous public perception that Fritzl was just a nice old boy being a tad 'over prot...
Read full storyJennifer Aniston to be Angelina's Maid of Honour
The rumours surrounding the pending nuptials of the famous "cheaters" Angelina & Brad, have now become a reality.
Read full storyGinger Twat Gets Medal
Prince Harry is to get a medal for his secret tour of duty in Afghanistan as a Forward Hair Controller. The Prince was secretly flown in despite his red barnett being a draw to Afghan soldiers everywhere.
Read full storyFootball fans' anger to be used as 'alternative source of energy'
"Anger is an energy" sang John Lydon in the song 'Rise'. Now scientists have gone literally one stage further by harnessing the energy generated by the anger, venom and sheer hatred demonstrated by today's football fans.
Read full storyPortugese Police Arrest Kids for Abandoning Parents Abroad
Portuguese authorities have today arrested three children for failing to take care of their drunken parents. The officials were horrified to discover the father passed out on a sofa in reception, while the mother was found lying in her own vomit besi...
Read full storyThe Man with the Golden Bus Pass
Shock entertainment news today it has been revealed that Danial Craig is to step down from the role as James Bond stating artistic differences for the split,he is said to have felt it important that the character shows more of his feminine side whic...
Read full storyIt's official! Women carry 4 times more germs than men!
Following some detailed research by eminent microbiologist, Dr Mike Robe of Oxford University School of Biology, women carry 4 times more germs than men and some of them are potentially fatal!...
Read full storyGTMO
Before being shut down, I decided to pay a clandestine visit to the notorious Guantanamo, of course electromagnetically! As I was flying over the Bay in the wee small hours, I saw a lit room, so I swished through the keyhole to find out what was going on. First thing I saw was a desktop computer showing graphs, tables and some animated cartoons. Since I was invisible, my presence did not al...
Read full storyPaul and Ringo Announce Who will be the New Beatles
Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr have decided that they want to revive the Beatles, finding replacements for the late John Lennon and George Harrison.
Read full storyVan Gogh Still Life, Tittyfuck, Brings throngs of art lovers
An unknown Vincent Van Gogh still life masterpiece entitled "Tittyfuck" has been discovered in the archives of the Louvre in Paris, France.
Read full storyNew Bush Inauguration Photo Tells All
The wonder of digital photo enhancement has revealed an amazing fact about President George W Bush and his digits.
Read full storyMissionary Position Accomplished!
A XXX porn video has attracted the interests of the mainstream entertainment industry because of its clever mockumentary take on the fifth anniversary of President Bush's Mission Accomplished Speech.
Read full storyOguama's Isle
A remake of an old sitcom about a cast of castaways on an desert isle, Hollywood is presenting the American public with Oguama's Isle. This time the entire island population is millionaires or if they are not they threw away their poor sick wives to marry a millionairess.
Read full storyFox Announces Season Premiere of "So You Think You Can Be America's Next Men's Synchronized Rifle Drill Squad"
US and A - Rupert Murdoch's Fox Broadcasting Company announced on Monday that it will begin airing a program already deemed "the most popular reality television series since Telemundo's El Avestruz es el ave más grande que ha logrado...
Read full storyEbay to Open Fast Food Franchise
Online auction giant eBay announced today that it is going to try it's hand at the fast food restaurant business. The appropriately named "e-Burger" franchise, is scheduled for it's grand opening later this month.
Read full storyTasers to be rebranded
Thanks to a recent judicial ruling stating that death by Taser is due to 'excited delirium,' and not aving a million volts up your jacksie, Tasers are to be rebranded as 'Delirium Delivery Tools'...
Read full storyFood shortages cause a run on the "Doomsday" Global Seed Bank as crisis worsens
New York, New York - Because of the food shortages, blamed on the rising cost of oil, fertilizer and increased production of biofuels in Europe and America, nations that recently made contributions to the Svalbard Global Seed Vault have been forced t...
Read full storyZoo Animals Rape & Eat Austrian Sex Freak
Vienna AUSTRIA, (TS) Josef Pretzl, the Austrian man who fathered seven children with his daughter while keeping her locked up in a subterranean dungeon as a sex slave for 24 years, will plead insanity to avoid a prison sentence.
Read full storyNew Bachelor Style Reality Series to Star Daniel Radcliffe
A new reality series produced jointly by the BBC and CBS will feature Harry Potter actor Daniel Radcliffe in a Bachelor style format. Radcliffe will begin the series, to be titled "Me and My Stalkers" from a secluded castle on the coast of France.
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