"No Sleaze" Weekend Leaves Tabloids Bereft of News

Written by Pen & Ink

Monday, 5 May 2008

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Today's Papers: "Dull As Shit"

A remarkably misbehavior-free 48 hours amongst the nation's premier league footballers, soap stars and other minor celebrities has left the red tops scrambling to find anything 'newsworthy' to write about.

The Sport was forced to lead with an in-depth analysis of last week's local election results, while The Star's front page bore the headline "Economic Outlook grim for UK plc".

In The People it was "US Sub-prime Crisis Hits UK Banking Sector", with The Mirror running "Brown in Policy Rethink After Election Nightmare".

Only The Sun managed to keep its end up ("ooh err, missus" Ed.) with the more than a little derivative: "Boris Johnson Ate My Hamster".

One tabloid editor from the News of the World, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said: "This is a disaster of epic proportions. If it goes on much longer we might actually have to start making shit up!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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