How George Bush became our Decider-In-Chief

Written by Trebor Chram

Monday, 5 May 2008

I just completed my training on how to see the future or the past with a crystal ball and for my first test, decided to find out how the hell did someone like George become our president, not once, but twice.

I sat in a quiet room and started to concentrate on the glass sphere.

It's 1997 and George is escorted to a meeting in an undisclosed building in the Langley, Virginia area. Eventually, he arrives in a corporate style boardroom where he is greeted by 10 men, all dressed in dark suits, with white shirts and dark ties. Most looked like they were in their 70s and older. One of them. THE MAN, shakes George's hand and asks him to take a seat. George didn't seem to recognize any of them. He took his seat.

THE MAN: Thank you for coming to this meeting George. I will now tell you why you are here. You can ask questions as you please. We have been watching you for many years, George. We took an even greater interest in you once you became a member of the Skull and Bones Club at Yale. We know you only got a "C" passing grade, but we made sure you passed, even if you didn't do it on your own. We made sure you didn't go to Vietnam and loose your life needlessly by getting you in the National Guard. And then, we started your political training.

We got one of our best men to make sure you got to the right political arenas. Karl has been with you many years now and will continue opening future paths for you.

You are doing a good job as Governor of Texas and now we are going to prepare you for your next step in 2000, President of these United States.

GEORGE: There ain't no way I can ever be president.

THE MAN: Don't be such a pessimist George. We got you the current governor job, didn't we? Don't worry, you don't have to do a thing. We have all the right people in place. Even the main voting machine manufacturer is on our team. We have all the major newspapers, magazines, TV stations and radio stations under our wing.

You will have town hall meetings throughout the country and you will sway them with your locution.

GEORGE: Lo-koo-shun? I don't know what that is but I'm no good at giving public talks. I cain't say the right things, you know? And at these town hall meeting they can lynch you if they don't like you.

THE MAN: Just listen George, it's going to be a cake walk. First, the meetings will only be attended by hand chosen hard core followers. If we have a doubt, they're out! The questions they ask will be rehearsed and you will have the answers in front of you. Secondly, we have gotten the best Hollywood writers and New York ad agency people to write your speeches and to make positive press releases. Thirdly, we have developed a gadget you wear in your ear and someone will feed you the right answers anytime you falter. We'll train on this equipment. No one will know it's there.

GEORGE: Wow. You guys are good.

THE MAN: Thank you, George, but it gets better. You will be president for the full two terms and maybe even longer if we have to.

Now, you will have 8 years to get our work done. The first 4 will be easy. The second term may not go as smooth as by then, some Americans will know things are not right. But we'll stay the course. We won't cut and run.

You main job, George, will be to invade Iraq. You'll probably invade Afghanistan to make it easier to go into Iraq.

GEORGE: Invade a rock and a blanket? Sounds silly.

THE MAN: Iraq and Afghanistan are countries in the Middle East, George. You know, where the Ten Commandments and Lawrence of Arabia and the Roadrunner were filmed.

The main reason for invading Iraq is because they are sitting on the largest untapped oil reserves in the world. Also, the country is centrally located in the Middle East so manipulation of other countries will be easier. Thirdly, it will make the Israelis happy. Lastly, we'll make all our friends in the military industrial complex happy.

GEORGE; I don't see how congress and Americans will agree to invading another country. They still remember Vietnam.

THE MAN: George, there you go again. You need to get some faith George. Speak to God or something.

To invade Japan we allowed Pearl Harbor to happen. To have Lyndon Johnson continue the fight in Vietnam, we made the Gulf of Tomkin incident happen. We already have a real big bang planned so no one will question your need to invade a Middle Eastern country. Your family and us have some real good friends in Saudi Arabia who will help us make this fly.

We're going to get Dick Cheney to be your Vice President so that he will always be around to make the right decisions for you. When the going gets rough, just send ol' bull dog out to fix things. Besides, Dick is CEO of a company that can really make a killing in a war. We'll get Dick's best buddy, Donald Rumsfeld to be your Secretary of Defense. He'll make sure our weapons makers get the big bucks. We'll pay Don off by getting his pharmaceutical company a big government contract for his vaccine tamiflu. We'll probably have to make up some new disease to cure. We heard of some birds dying of the flu in Asia. Maybe we can use that.

GEORGE: I guess with our military strength, it will be easy to take on a backwards country like I-Rock. We should be in and out of there in a few weeks.

THE MAN: George, we don't want to be in and out. We want to be in for ever. We'll instigate the different groups that make up the country so it will start a civil war and we'll have to stay forever to keep the peace. We'll set up our own government there, which the Iraqis will think they elected democratically so they can pass laws to give control over the oil fields and the wells to our buddies at Exxon-Mobil, Chevron, etc.

GEORGE: But what's going to happen after my 8 years are over, especially if the Democrats get elected?

THE MAN: No problem George. Before your 8 years are over we will have our people running for president in both parties, so no matter which one wins, we will stay the course and our mission will be accomplished. While our country is fighting in Iraq, George, I want you to build a giant palace there for you and Dick and others plus so we can have a nice place for the oil people to visit and live in. We'll call it an American Embassy.

At this point a fog appears in my crystal ball and the connection is lost.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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